Violent Chick Flick

| Romantic | January 2, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are currently long-distance. He promises me that there is something in the mail for me, but it might not get to me for a while. I respond with an expression of excitement/anticipation.)

Me: “Meep!”

Boyfriend: “Trying to imagine that sound physically being made just seriously improved my night.”

Me: “I have so many sounds, I’m like a Bop-it Extreme, but without physical violence.”

Boyfriend: “You mean I can’t bop, twist, flick, spin, and/or pull you?”

Me: “While many of those actions could be appropriate, especially in swing dancing, flicking will definitely be met with angry sounds and a return attack.”

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The Time-Traveller’s Wife

| Romantic | December 29, 2011

(I am emailing my husband. He is very into sci-fi, and we have lots of theoretical debates about time travel.)

Husband: “Hello, future wife. It’s sad but unavoidable that present me cannot tell present you that I love her. So, we’ll have to settle for this quantum ping pong that currently exists. I love you, too, in any case. And past you. And future you, after you. I look forward to minimizing our proximities, so I can be closer to my current you. More love. Past husband.”

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Not Having A Change Of Heart

| Romantic | December 26, 2011

(I have a couple of rare medical conditions, including acute muscle atrophy and a connective tissue disorder. They are not life-threatening, but can be frustrating at best.)

Boyfriend: “I love you.”

Me: “You just made my heart stop for a second. I love you, too.”

Boyfriend: “Wait, with your medical issues, do you only mean that figuratively?”

Me: “Figuratively. ‘Skip a beat’ would probably have been more appropriate.”

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A Real Woman Of Characters

| Romantic | December 21, 2011

(Even though we chat online, I send my long-distance girlfriend handwritten letters about once or twice a week. This is my first relationship, and I’m not used to writing love letters.)

Me: “This might be the most ridiculous letter I’m composing to you.”

Girlfriend: “Ridiculous?”

Me: “Well, page 2 begins with, ‘Other Things That Count As Tacos‘.”

Girlfriend: “This is going to be awesome to read!”

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The Twilight Of Our Youth, Part 3

| Romantic | December 17, 2011

(I’m away at college, texting my boyfriend. It’s a few weeks before I come home to visit.)

Boyfriend: “We need to see a movie when you come home. You can pick this time.”

Me: “Alright. I can tell you right now it won’t be the new Twilight movie.”

Boyfriend: *relieved* “Thank God, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, and that bird thing from Egypt!”

(I knew I fell in love with this man for a reason.)


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