Not Quite What Gresley Had In Mind

, , , , , , , | Related | May 28, 2020

My uncle messages me asking how we’re coping with lockdown.

Me: “We’re okay but [My Son] keeps asking me to take him to see the dinosaurs on the train.”

Uncle: “I presume that’s some sort of funfair ride he likes?”

Me: “No, the Natural History Museum. We go there on the train.”

Uncle: “Oh, I see. You mean that he wants you to take him, on the train, to see the dinosaurs. Sorry, I had a vision of the Flying Scotsman piloted by a stegosaur.”

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A True Expert In Suxxitude

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 20, 2020

I post different pieces of artwork to various websites. Most of the time, I’m lucky to get five or six likes and maybe a couple of comments. However, one time, I woke up after having posted a sketch before going to bed, and I found that it had over 200 comments on it.

The first couple of comments were typical “Nice” or “Good Job” type of comments. However, one person had given the comment, “this sux”. Two minutes later, he’d then posted the comment, “hello?”, followed a minute after that with “this sux” again. He’d then proceeded to repeat “this sux” every couple of minutes for three straight hours.

This had, apparently, drawn the attention of other commenters, who had ended up splitting between telling me that it didn’t suck and directly mocking him and his stream of “criticism.” My favorite was a couple of people who went back and forth “agreeing” with him, talking about how the “suxxitude” of the piece had reached “terribad proportionisms,” and how it was reminiscent of the great “Suxxirian masters” of the past.

I ended up writing a post, saying, “Thank you for the critique.” Not even ten seconds after I hit the post button, he had replied with what must have been a copy-pasted rant about how he was allowed to have opinions, and how I needed to “suk it up and admti you sux”.

To this day, it is still the funniest “criticism” I’ve ever received.

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The Golden Rule Doesn’t Apply To Teachers

, , , , , , , | Learning | May 7, 2020

I’m teaching a class that has suddenly been moved from being held on campus to being held exclusively online. It’s been a rough transition for most of us and I’ve made the due dates very flexible, more like suggestions than hard deadlines. This particular week, we have a multiple-choice quiz due on Wednesday and a one-page paper due on Friday. The quiz’s due date is fairly strict because I post an answer key the next day.

On Monday, I receive an email from a student apologizing for last week’s paper being late, asking if they can still turn it in, and asking for an extension on this week’s paper. I email back that it’s fine that they’re late; there will be no penalty for late work and they should just finish both when they’re able.

On Thursday afternoon, I receive an email from the same student, saying, “I passed in the quiz yesterday and it hasn’t been graded yet. Why hasn’t it been graded? When are you going to grade it? I passed it in yesterday.”

I guess I don’t get the same consideration for extensions.

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Unfiltered Story #191502

| Unfiltered | April 6, 2020

(I self-publish a small series of stories and a connected tabletop RPG. There are some characters I have who get introduced either a few pages before they die or else are already planned to die. One of my pre-readers has a tendency to fall in love with these characters.)

Me: I’m making some more sample spells for the demo game this summer. I’ve made spells for *list of characters including one of the aforementioned deadlist characters*

Pre-Reader: Ahh. Why’d you have to bring up *character*? The trauma is still fresh.

Me: She’s not dead yet.

Pre-reader: But I know your plans for her.

Me: Oh well. At least *name of character introduced and killed in the newest short story* isn’t on the don’t-say list yet.

Pre-Reader: *traumatized groan*

Me: Okay, is the reason I haven’t received grammar edits on the new story yet due to emotional trauma?

Pre-Reader: *plaintively* Maybe.

Bath Time Is The Perfect Time To Be Gross

, , , , | Related | April 4, 2020

My sister and I live on different continents, so we keep in touch through lots of video calls. This also allows me to keep up with my niece and nephew, both toddlers.

I’ve spent time on the phone talking with them, eating with them, singing to them, and listening to crying, arguments, and tantrums. I’ve also been on video chats during bath time. I’ve heard a lot of hilarious things over the past two and a half years, but this has been the best, without a doubt.

After hearing my sister telling someone to stop peeing in the tub, emptying it, and refilling it, I suddenly heard, “No! Stop! Give me that booger right now!”

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. She explained that the older one was waving around a giant booger on his hand and getting waaay too close to his little sister. She also agreed that it was one of the most absurd things she had ever had to say. Of course, my nephew thought we were laughing at him and tried to do it again.

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