The Scam Has Been Rent From The Scammer

, , , , | Friendly | October 23, 2017

(I respond to a few of those infamous “nice house for rent at an unreasonably low price” ads, thinking at worst they’re obvious scams and no harm done, or at best I’ve found the deal of the century. I get various replies to my emails of inquiry, all obvious scams. What I notice, though, is how many of them are using the same story: “I’m a Christian missionary going on a two-year missions trip to Africa, and I want to find a nice Christian family to take care of my house while I’m gone. I’ve already left, so please just send me a $100 good-faith deposit and I’ll send you the keys and let you look around. We can exchange paperwork afterwards if you like the place.” I decide to amuse myself in an email exchange.)

Me: “You’re going on a missions trip to Africa, too? Hallelujah! I’ve recently been in contact with [Other Scammer who replied to my emails] about their house also for rent. Do you know each other?”

Scammer: “Yes, we all know each other; we are on the same mission trip.”

Me: “That’s amazing. How many of you are going?”

Scammer: “There are twelve people going. Please send the good faith deposit and I will send you the keys.”

Me: “What about [Yet Another Scammer with the same scam]?”

Scammer: “Yes, we are all friends and are here in Africa together. Here is a link where you can send the good faith deposit.”

Me: “Well, I think it’s wonderful how so many of you are together doing the Lord’s work. It’s too bad all of you had to leave so quickly and none of you could find renters for these nice houses.”

Scammer: “Well, we leave very quickly. Please let me know if you have other questions.”

Me: “Thank you; I do. What are the names of the streets their houses are on?”

Scammer: “I do not understand and do not know about their houses; that is their responsibility. Please send the $100 so I can send you the keys. I know you will love my house.”

Me: “Well, you’re all there together, so can you ask them? Let me know if it’ll take time to reach them if they’re not right next to you; I can wait. I don’t even need both street names. Just one. Name one of the streets their houses are on. And if you can manage that, I’ll throw in a $10,000 donation to your mission trip, whether or not I go with your house.”

(I never heard back.)

Love Through This Family Flows Heavily

, , , , , , | Related | October 16, 2017

(I am in a group chat with my aunt who resides in Australia with her family, my mum, and my grandmother, who used to be a nurse back in the day. We are all close and have a great sense of humour. All this happens over text. My aunt has just told us her two sons are sick with Influenza B, and recounted an amusing story, during which her younger son was acting up due to his sickness, and his older brother whispered, “So much drama.” )

Grandma: “I would love to have been there to witness all that!”

Mum: “I’m bleeding to death. My period is so heavy. Do you want to witness that, too, Mum?!”

Grandma: “You think I’m crazy?!”

Mum: “Why are you playing favourites? Why is drama cute when [Aunt’s Youngest Son] does it, but not me?”

Grandma: “Because one is a kid, and one is a matured lady, I hope!”

Mum: “I’m still bleeding to death, just in case you decide to care!”

(As this is going on, I’m quickly searching up some information online and find what I need.)

Me: “You’re losing five pints of blood?”

Mum: *eye roll emoticon* “Maybe four.”

Me: “You mean 1892 ml of blood? When the average heavy flow is 65 ml?”

Mum: “Yup.”

Me: “Twenty times more than the normal ‘unusually heavy’ flow?”

Grandma: “Just drink lots of fluid to maintain the body volume.”

Mum: *sighs* “Don’t see you telling [Aunt’s Youngest Son] to drink lots of fluids!”

Me: *copying a comment from earlier in the chat* “‘Hope the boys get well soon. Make sure they drink enough.’ Actually, she did.”

Grandma: “Ignore your sister, [Aunt]. She’s just being silly.”

Mum: “Dying is not being silly!”

Grandma: “Yes, it is, when it’s merely lip service.”

Sofa, So Bad

, , , , , | Friendly | September 29, 2017

(My mom has an ad up to give away our old couch. The ad says that we will deliver if you are on our side of town, but that we will not deliver any further than a certain street. She gets this text:)

Text: “I need this couch. I’m at [area of town WAY further than we said we would deliver to], and you need to get it here ASAP because we’re going to church in an hour.”

Mom: “How about instead of us delivering it, you pray at church for patience and kindness towards strangers.”

(She blocked his number, and we gave the couch to a lovely lady who didn’t demand the couch from us!)

The Blanket Order Becomes A Blanket Order

, , , | Friendly | September 27, 2017

(On social media, a friend puts up a photo of a large crocheted blanket and asks if someone would be able to make it for her.)

Me: *against my better judgement* “I could do it for you.”

(I buy the pattern online and then start looking for yarn for it. She doesn’t specify a color; I have free reign. I find the perfect yarn locally, and quite cheap, too. I let her know what sort of price we are looking at, but after starting the item I realize it’s going to take much less yarn than I thought, so I drop the price, and I don’t charge for my time. It takes weeks to make; my arm aches constantly. She loves it and posts a picture online to show it off. Not long after, I get a message from her.)

Friend: “One of my friends saw my blanket and wants to know if you can make another one.”

(I think, “Oh, here we go again,” but then think that I could use up the yarn I had left over, and I already had the pattern.)

Me: *to her* “I don’t know whether I could do one so soon; I need to rest my arm for a while first.”

Friend: “Okay, he doesn’t want it exactly like mine, he wants the exact [specific colors for a football team] and for you to do a [completely different design]. I told him what you charged me, but said that you knocked the price down from [price], and he’s happy paying that.”

Me: “I’m going to have to say no, sorry.”

(There is the reason I rarely make things for other people; they always have friends who want the exact same thing, but different.)

Looking For A Salesperson, Not A Rock Star

, , , , , , | Working | September 26, 2017

(We recently started a search for a new salesperson. One candidate earned an interview through sheer persistence, which should have been a sign of what was to come. After being rejected post-interview, he sends this message to the owner of the company, and a similar message to the person who interviewed him:)

Candidate: “I called [Interviewer] back, and after our interview, I had three businesses ready to sign, yet it appears he’s going with someone else. I’m a straight-out-of-the-gate rockstar performer, and [Interviewer]’s actions devalue my degree and verify that [Prestigious University] doesn’t mean s***. I was soooo ready to roll for you guys, and kill it, and you made a bad decision. Remember this message when your new guy produces mediocrity, compared with me coming in with three verified closed contracts. Good call, geniuses; you just explained to me why [Company] will never be known in the stature of Google.”

(Of course, this message is shared throughout the office, and the interviewer immediately calls the guy back.)

Interviewer: “I saw the message you sent [Owner]. How can you think this is acceptable behavior? If this is how you react to rejection from an interview, are you going to do the same thing if a sale doesn’t go through?”

Candidate: “I don’t know. I’ve never had a sale not go through.”

Interviewer: “Then you’re obviously meant for bigger and better things than [Company]. We wish you luck in your future endeavors.”

(The candidate tried to backtrack and play up how great he’d do at our company, only to get hung up on mid-protest. He then proceeded to bombard the interviewer’s phone with calls and messages. We didn’t hire him.)

Page 1/12812345...Last
Next »