Unfiltered Story #97892

, | Unfiltered | October 17, 2017

(I deal with incoming purchase orders a lot as part of my job, and one of the things I need to do is check them for accuracy. The following was an e-mail chain that was part of my attempt to get a purchase order corrected through my coworker in sales. This was all contained in the same e-mail as replies were added to it, so every person along the way could see everything written before.)
Me, to coworker: “The vendor on the PO should be [Our Company]. According to my spreadsheet, [Customer] should have us as vendor #### unless that’s changed.” (I then had typed in the exact address they should have us under)
Coworker to customer, a week later: “Just realized I did not send you the update for the PO.”
Customer to coworker: “Is the address below correct?” *types in the address again, exactly as I wrote it a couple messages ago*
Coworker to me: “Is this correct?”

(All they had to do was scroll down, and they could have saved all three of us some time. I know it’s nitpicky, but some of the people I have to deal with make my head hurt.)

Unfiltered Story #97890

, , | Unfiltered | October 17, 2017

I am picking up a gift for my husband and the cashier offers to put it in a gift box and a bag with tissue on top.

Cashier: “Here we go! Let me just get a few more pieces of tissue. I’m a little tissue-happy sometimes!”

Me: “Oh, I used to work at [Popular Lingerie Store]. I know *all* about being tissue-happy!”

Smothering With A Different Kind Of Love

, , , , , | Romantic | October 16, 2017

(My wife and I are getting ready for bed. She’s been suffering from her allergies, stuffed up really bad. This night, it’s considerably worse than others. I do not condone violence; all of the following is said in jest.)

Wife: “Honey, I’m sorry if I snore too much tonight. If I get too bad, please—”

Me: *interrupting her* “Smother you with a pillow so I can sleep. Got it.”

Wife: “No! Just s—”

Me: *interrupting her again* “Right, smother you with a pillow. No worries.”

Wife: “No! Just roll me over!”

Me: *kissing her on the forehead* “Roger. Pillow, face, smother. Love you. Goodnight.”

(I’m still not sure why she married me.)

Childhood Gone In A Puff Of Smoke

, , , , , , , , | Related | October 15, 2017

(My sister and her family are currently living with us, which results in some hilarious moments when her toddlers, ages two and four, get into things. This happens with the two-year-old. She always brings us our things when she finds them, from phones to shoes.)

Sister: “Yeah, [Sister’s Husband] was just saying– does [Two-Year-Old] have your vape?!”

Mom: “What?!”

(They both run to the living room as I’m bent over, talking to my other niece.)

Me: “[Four-Year-Old], do you want to play Barbies?”

Four-Year-Old: “[Two-Year-Old] got Nana’s vape!”

Mom: “She just hit the button; don’t worry.”

Sister: “No, Mom, she blew smoke out of her d*** mouth! [Two-Year-Old]!”

Mom: *laughing* “What the f***?! She normally brings it to us!”

(By this time, I’m in the living room, doubled over laughing. The two-year-old, who long ago decided I’m her favorite person, waddles up to me.)

Two-Year-Old: “[My Name], more!”

Me: “You want more of Nana’s vape?”

Two-Year-Old: “Yeah!” *claps and hops*

Sister: “H***, no! [Sister’s Husband]! [Two-Year-Old] just sucked Mom’s f****** vape!”

(None of us have any idea how my niece managed to successfully work the vape, but she was unharmed, and this will definitely be a story to tell for years!)

That’s How You Were Bread To Eat

, , , , , | Learning | October 15, 2017

(I’m sitting in one of my classes. One of my classmates is a bit of a jokester and brings up how he ate an entire loaf of French bread for lunch last week.)

Classmate: “Yeah, my parents got kind of mad about that.”

Teacher: “Well, that’s because it doesn’t seem very healthy.”

Classmate: “They weren’t mad at first when I told them. The reason they got mad was because later that day I made a whole bunch of croissants and ate the whole batch.”

(The whole class laughs, including the teacher.)

Teacher: “You need to get some protein into your diet.”

Classmate: “Yeah, I know. That’s why, for lunch today, I ate an entire package of salami.”

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