(I work at an Asian restaurant that has counter service and sauces on a table where patrons can go and serve themselves. We make our own ginger garlic sauce that contains bits of garlic in them that sometimes get stuck in the spout of the squeeze bottle. We usually cut the tip off of the bottles to avoid this problem, but I forget to use the correct lid with the cut-off tip. An adult man whose order I have just served comes over to me holding the bottle, sans lid, with his shirt covered in ginger garlic sauce.)

Me: “Oh, my gosh, sir.” *laughs slightly* “It’s okay! That’s my bad. Sometimes the garlic gets stuck in the lid. I’ll go run and grab you a bunch of napkins!”

(I go and run to the back of the kitchen telling the kitchen staff I may be a minute before I can run orders because there’s a huge mess all over the place. Before I can get to the man and hand him his napkins, an older lady, presumably his mother, stops me.)

Old Lady: “Laughing was not an appropriate reaction to what happened.”

Me: *a bit confused* “Um, okay. Sorry, I just wanted him to know everything was okay and it wasn’t a problem.”

Old Lady: “Well, laughing was not the appropriate thing to say!”

Me: “Okay, but I need to go clean up now, so he’s not just covered in sauce.”

(I basically have to push past her, as we are in a narrow hallway, in order to give her son some napkins and proceed to clean the mess up that is all over the floor and the sauce table.)

Man: “I am so sorry; let me help you. I didn’t mean to make such a mess!”

Me: “No, no worries! I forgot to put the right lid on this sauce, it’s my fault. People tend to squeeze hard and this can happen. Nothing this big, but it’s no big deal!” *smiles, trying my best not to give even a friendly laugh*

Man: *proceeding to help me clean up* “Really, I am so sorry.”

Me: *smiling* “No problem! I’ll go get some extra sauce for you since this one is now out!”

(The whole time, his mother was standing to the side, tsking and shaking her head in disapproval at the situation. She proceeded to ignore me, even though her son was clearly unaffected by it, even when I smiled and walked past her to my counter station.)

(I work in a sandwich shop. An older lady comes in with her two young grandsons. She orders two full kids’ meals and a six-inch sandwich, and when we get done making them, I begin ringing her up at the register. We are trained to ask if the customer would like chips, cookies, or a drink because sometimes people forget to tell us what else they want with their sandwich. Since I already know that she wants the full kids’ meals, which come with sides and drinks, I ask about her six-inch sandwich.)

Me: “Would you like chips, cookies, or a drink with the six-inch?”

Customer: *pats a bag of chips on the counter* “I have chips.”

Me: “All right. Two kids’ meals, the six-inch, and chips. That’ll be [$18 and some change].”

(She pays with her debit card, sends the kids to the table, and then grabs her sandwich and chips.)

Customer: “Does it come with a drink?”

Me: *pause* “I… would have to ring it up. I’m sorry. I can ring it up now.”

Customer: “Eighteen dollars and it doesn’t come with a drink? We won’t be coming here again.”

(She walked off to her table in a foul mood, causing my manager to ask me what happened. After I explained, he hurried over to calm her down and give her a free drink. And this is why I repeat back what I have rung up and sometimes ask a second or even third time if they would like anything else.)

(We are exhibiting our miniature horses at the Fort Worth Stock Show. We have nice horses and do pretty well. We occasionally bring horses to sell. I am sitting in my stall, prepping my little 32″-tall horse for his class. My friend is with me. The door is open because the little kids love to watch us. We like to talk to anyone who comes by; you never know who may buy a horse! An older “lady” sticks her head in the door.)

Old Lady: “They aren’t good for anything, are they?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Old Lady: “Well, you can’t ride them. What good are they?”

Me: “Well, we drive ours and teach them to jump and do trail—”

Old Lady: *interrupts* “But you can’t ride them! They’re worthless!”

Me: *getting edgy* “You can do anything with them but ride them. We do parades and take them to nursing homes and—”

Old Lady: “YOU CAN’T RIDE THEM!”

(By this time I’m getting frustrated, but still being nice.)

Me: “No, you can’t ride them. Only little kids can ride them.”

Old Lady: “WORTHLESS!”

(My friend and I look at each other.)

Old Lady: “Do you ride him?”

Me: *resigned* “No, ma’am, I don’t ride him. My feet drag.”

Old Lady: “Oh, okay.”

(Her highly embarrassed friends drag her away. My friend and I look at each other again.)

Friend: “Really? What was that?!“

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(Recently, I’ve been attending a series of presentations given by a coworker who happens to have a cube near mine. Today, I get an email from him that off-handedly mentions him giving a class this afternoon, which surprises me, so I stand up to talk to him over the cube wall.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1], are you doing a training thing this afternoon? I don’t have an invite for it on my calendar.”

Coworker #1: “Huh, that’s weird; it should’ve sent one to you. I’ll send you a new one.”

(The coworker that sits on my other side, who was not involved in this brief exchange, speaks up in the most mocking, condescending voice possible:)

Coworker #2: “What, you can’t figure out where to go without a meeting invite? You need your calendar to tell you where to be?”

Me: “Well… yeah, I didn’t know we had a training session this afternoon. If I don’t have an invitation, I won’t know to be there.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah… well…” *grumbles under his breath*

(I have no idea why it was so offensive to him for me to want to have my schedule written down!)

(I’ve had the same phone number for about nine years. I have been getting calls for [Stranger] the entire time. The calls never stop, no matter how many numbers I block, so I decide to start answering them in German. My dad speaks German, and I have picked up some very simple phrases from him, but I can in no way speak German, so apologies for my German grammar mistakes. Most of the spammers hang up quickly, but this guy didn’t give up easily.)

Me: “Hallo?” *Hello?*

Caller: “Hi I’m calling for [Stranger].”

Me: “Ich liebe dich.” *I love you*

Caller: “Is [Stranger] there?”

Me: “Schlafen Sie gut!” *Sleep well!*

Caller: “I’m sorry…”

Me: *angrily* “NEIN, ich bin ein Krankenwagen!” *NO, I am an ambulance!*

Caller: “I’m sorry; I don’t speak Spanish.”

Me: *in my best thick German accent* “No… No Spanish… German.”

Caller: “Oh… uh… okay… bye..” 

(The calls haven’t stopped, but I get them about once a week instead of multiple times daily. I actually look forward to getting a spam call now!)