A very old lady pulls up to the auto parts store.

Customer: “Hi. I wanted to see if you could run one of your diagnostic tests on my truck to see what’s wrong with it.”

Me: “Sure, ma’am, let me grab my scanner real fast.”

We walk up to her 2002 Ford Ranger.

Me: “Is it unlocked, ma’am?”

Customer: “…”

I just open her door and plug in to the OBD2 — on-board diagnostic port. I quickly realise the port is not communicating with the scanner.

Me: “Ma’am, does your cigarette lighter work? Or has it stopped working?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Yes, it works? Or yes, it has stopped working?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I push it in and it won’t pop back out! What’s that got to do with any of this?!”

Me: “Ma’am, generally the OBD2 port runs on the same fuse that the cigarette lighter is on.”

I open the fuse panel and realise that fuses are numbered and not labeled.

Me: “Ma’am, do you have the owner’s manual? I’ll check the cigarette lighter fuse if you do.”

Customer: “I live on social security! I don’t have the money to buy a d*** fuse!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not telling you to buy a fuse. I’m saying that I need to check it or I won’t be able to pull your trouble codes.”

Customer: “Stop trying to upsell to me and just tell me what’s wrong with my truck!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not trying to sell you a fuse. If your fuse is bad, I can switch it with another one temporarily just long enough to pull trouble codes. I understand money is tight right now for everyone. I’m just trying to pull codes, but I can’t do it if the scanner can’t communicate with the engine computer.”

We eventually get a hold of her owner’s manual and I find that spot seventeen is the cigarette lighter fuse.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, the cigarette lighter fuse is blown. I’m going to put another fuse in there so I can pull codes, and then I will replace your blown fuse back where it was before.”

I make sure to do everything in plain view where she can see. In all reality, it’s against policy to mess with fuses, but I am trying to do the right thing and help the old woman.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, it’s working now. You have three error codes: P1000, P0171, and P0174. I’ll get you a printout inside with all the info on it.”

Customer: “Well, it took long enough!”

I replace the blown fuse exactly where it was in space seventeen and walk inside with her, making sure to hold the heavy door for her.

Me: “All right, ma’am, here are the printouts. These codes point toward a bad mass airflow sensor, but your mechanic can decide that.”

Customer: “What the f*** does that mean?! Like I know what you’re talking about!”

I’m biting my lip so hard. I am thinking, “Why the heck did you have me pull your codes if you’re not even listening to me? Why isn’t your mechanic pulling your codes?!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, thank you. Have a good day.”

Approximately thirty minutes later, she called back screaming that some [disabled slur] couldn’t pull codes on her truck and her mechanic told her never to trust [Company], and that we have no idea what we’re talking about. You try to help someone and they hate you for it.

My husband and I have been moving boxes all day and haven’t eaten, so we’re already a little “hangry.” We pull up to the drive-thru of a quick, cheap fast food joint before he has to go to work.

At the speaker to order:

Employee #1: “Hello, order when you’re ready.”

Husband: “Hello, I’d like—”

Employee #1: “Oh, just one minute, please.”

Husband: “Oh, okay.”

Roughly two minutes pass before someone speaks again.

Employee #1: “Sorry about that, what can I get—”

Employee #2: “No, no, no. Just one moment!”

Maybe twenty seconds later:

Employee #2: “Hello?”

Husband: “Hello.”

Employee #2: “Okay, one moment.”

Employee #3: “Hi there, what can I get for y—”

Employee #2: “No! Just a moment.”

Another few minutes pass before we can finally put in our order.

Employee #2: “Okay, okay. Hello?”

Husband: *Pause* “Hello.”

Employee #2: “Okay.”

Husband: “May I order now?”

Employee #2: “Yes. Okay, what do you want?”

Husband: “Thank you. I would like a [Meal], large, please, with a [Soda #1], two [Burgers], one [Chicken Sandwich], and a large [Soda #2].”

Employee #2: “No chicken.”

Husband: “You don’t have any chicken?” 

Employee #2: “No. We’re out of chicken. What else?”

Husband: “Oh… I guess another [Burger], then.”

Employee #2: “Okay. That’s [roughly $6 more than expected.]”

We pull forward and my husband pays, but I insist on checking the receipt. Sure enough, there is a [Chicken Sandwich Meal] that we did not order. We get to the pickup window and notify them, explaining to two employees that we were charged for something we didn’t order, when a third person comes over: [Employee #2] from the speaker, who also appears to be the manager.

Employee #2: “Okay, so what’s wrong?”

My husband is a bit annoyed after having just told two other employees the same thing.

Husband: “We were charged for [Chicken Sandwich Meal], but we didn’t order it. You don’t even have any chicken.”

Employee #2: “Okay. You didn’t want this?”

Husband: “No. We didn’t order it.”

Employee #2: “You want the money back or you want the food?”

Husband: “I’d like the money back, please.”

Employee #2: “You sure you don’t want me to get you the meal?”

Husband: “I didn’t order it, and you don’t have any chicken. As it is a chicken sandwich, you won’t be able to get it, and I don’t want it. Please, just give me the money back for it.”

Employee #2: “Fine.”

We got our money back and got out of there, not bothering to mention it was twenty cents short and my fries were the wrong size and dumped upside down in the bag.

It’s 2003. Many of our customers are difficult, irrational, and bizarre. I’m still fairly new and learning but I’m already burnt out dealing with the crazies.

Customer: “I need some of that cable you use to connect a TV to cable service.”

I am instantly happy to have a customer ask for something when I know the exact item they need and where to find it.

Me: “Coaxial cable? Sure! It’s right down th—”

Customer: *Angry, yelling* “I DON’T CARE WHAT IT’S CALLED! JUST TELL ME WHERE IT IS!”

I point down the aisle — we just so happen to be standing at the end of the correct aisle — and state flatly:

Me: “Down there.”

I walked off without another word. You just can’t win when you work retail.

I’m helping a customer with a money transfer at our customer business center.

Me: “Your total is $72.”

Customer: “What? It’s $12 to send $60.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It’s only $5 to send $50, instead.”

Customer: “I’ll do that, then. This is ridiculous.”

Me: “I know, ma’am. I’m sorry. I personally think they are all ridiculous.”

I am trying to empathize since she is upset by the fees.

Customer: “Well, you wouldn’t if you needed this money as an emergency, and that’s what it is for. How condescending of you.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. That is not how I meant it at all. I have needed it. I just used another service that didn’t charge so much. I’m very sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you.”

Customer: “Groveling doesn’t become you.”

Completely shocked, I just smiled and stopped talking. She asked for my manager who was standing there the whole time and said it didn’t matter; I was going to say that to another customer anyway.

I work in a tile and flooring store.

Me: “[Store], this is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I need to know what kind of gray tile you guys have?”

Me: “Uh… sir, we’ve got a pretty big selection; could you narrow that down? Is there a specific type or size you want?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like some gray tile.”

Me: “Sir, that’s a bit broad for me to be able to help you over the phone.”

The customer is silent.

Me: “It might be easier if you go online and look at our stock there and get an idea of what you like, and then you can call me back and I can tell you if we have it or not.”

Customer: “No, I’m in the car on my way over. Just tell me about your gray tile.”

Me: “Sir, we have far too big a selection for me to tell you about it over the phone.”

Customer: *Pause* “Get a manager on the phone now. I don’t understand why you’re being so uncooperative.”

I screamed internally. We literally stock about 1200 types of tile at any given time, hence my reluctance to begin consulting on gray tiles willy-nilly.