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Blind To Reason, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 23, 2010

(I’m bagging groceries.)

Me: “So, are you going to make a pie?”

Customer: “What did you say?!”

Me: “Um, I noticed you’re buying a lot of stuff to make pies with. I asked if you were going to make some.”

Customer: “Stop looking at my groceries!”

Me: “Okay.” *I resume bagging*

Customer: “I said to stop looking at them!”

Me: “Um, okay.”

(I close my eyes and attempt to bag them without seeing them.)

Customer: “Stop mocking me!”


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Neither Conspiracy Nor Coincidence Nor Concept Of Time

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2010

Me: “[Restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, what time do you stop serving breakfast?”

Me: “10:30.”

Customer: “Okay, and what time does lunch start?”

Me: “10:30.”

Customer: “Well, that works out nicely, doesn’t it?”

Self-Deluded Dogma

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2010

Customer: “An emergency just came up. I need to board my dogs for the next week.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s December 24th and we’re completely booked for the holidays.”

Customer: “But I have to leave town. Can’t they stay with you?”

Me: “We don’t have any space for them. Our waiting list has already been notified about cancellations and they have filled those spots.”

Customer: “You just don’t understand! My dogs are very well behaved and I’m leaving town tomorrow. I’ll just drop them off in the morning.”

Me: “Please don’t do that. There is absolutely no room for your dogs here.”

Customer: “Are you asking me to cancel my trip?! Listen, young lady! I’ve been planning this vacation for three months and I will not be stopped now!”

Me: “Is this your emergency?”

Customer:: *click*


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1 Billion Served (And Eaten)

, , , , , | Right | February 13, 2010

(I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s order.)

Customer: “Is it too late to make the drink and fries big?”

Me: “Of course not, let me just charge it.”

Customer: *to my manager* “It should be free since she didn’t offer it to me! You should offer it to everyone equally!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, she can’t give it to you for free. We’re all human. We all make mistakes.”

Customer: “Well, fine! Next time I want to be helped by someone who isn’t human!”


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Hear, Speak, Say, Play No Evil

, , , | Right | February 9, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store].”

Caller: “I was talking with my friend about that game I wanted for my grandson? ‘Uncharted Drake’s Fortune’? I thought it was clean, but my friend told me it isn’t clean!”

Me: “Clean, ma’am?”

Caller: “You know, clean! Not evil?”

Me: “It’s only rated ‘T’ for ‘teen’, ma’am.”

Caller: “But is it clean? I don’t want my grandson playing any evil games. What’s this game about?”

(I describe the premise of the game.)

Caller: “So you’re killing the bad guys, then? You’re the good guy?”

Me: “Exactly, ma’am.”

Caller: “So you’re like God striking down Satan?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, something like that.”

Caller: “Oh, good, I’m so glad! Now my friend was telling me that in this game people are digging up graves. Is that true? That’s just not Christian!”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s only the bad guys digging up graves and making zombies.”

Caller: “What’s a zombie? I’ve never heard of this.”

Me: “Dead bodies that come back to life, ma’am? They’re supernatural creatures, like vampires or werewolves.”

Caller: “Oh! This game isn’t going to teach my grandson to do any of that horrible witchcraft, is it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, like I said, only the bad guys are doing that. You’re the good guy; you’re trying to stop them.”

Caller: “Oh, okay, then. Well, thank you so much, and God bless you and everyone at your store, and God be with you!”


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