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Pray They’re Talking About Baby Goats

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2010

(This takes place after setting up an installation date for the caller’s service.)

Me: “Now, do you have any pets or animals that we need the technician to know about?”

Caller: “Nah, he’ll be all right. I’ll just tie my kids up in the backyard.”


This story is part of the Dad Jokes roundup!

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Pilgrim’s Pilgrims

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2010

Customer: *walks up and takes a deep breath* “WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE’RE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND BE SAD AND STUFF!”

Me: “So, one for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World?”

Customer: “That sounds lovely.”

Customers To Keep You On Your Toes

, , , , , , | Right | November 4, 2010

(My husband and I inherited a dance studio from his mother and we’re both full-time teachers there. Naturally, our five-year-old spends a lot of time with us at the studio. Her father and I were playing “Swan Lake” with her one day in one of the dance studios after all the classes were over when a mother and her daughter came in.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Can I help you? Classes are over for the day.”

Customer: “I would like to organize one-on-one private lessons with you for my daughter.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do private lessons.”

Customer: “So why is he teaching that little girl how to do a lift?”

Me: “That’s our daughter. He’s not teaching her anything; he’s just picking her up. We were playing a game.”

Customer: “I demand you give my child private lessons!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve just told you, we don’t do that here.”

Customer: “She’s been in your class for two years!”

Me: “Yes, I know.”

Customer: “That little girl isn’t even old enough to be in your class.”

Me: “No, she’s not, but she’s my daughter. She’s been exposed to ballet since she was a baby.”

Customer: “So has my child! She knows culture!”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, but I just can’t give her private lessons.”

Customer: “Why are you letting her do it, then?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve told you already, she’s my daughter. She gets private lessons with me whether she likes it or not. We live together.”

Customer: “So, if I send my daughter to live with you, will you teach her?”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t send your daughter to live with us.”

My Daughter: “Mommy! Look at me!”

Customer: “Oh, she really is your daughter? I thought you were lying. See you tomorrow for class!”


This story is part of the Theater roundup!

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Make The Seat-Save Run In Less Than 12 Parsecs

, , , , | Right | November 1, 2010

(This is at a midnight showing of a newly released Star Wars movie.)

Me: “When the doors open, please go in and take your seats. You will not be allowed to save seats for people further back in line.”

(A customer waves his hand in the air like a Jedi.)

Customer: “You will let us save seats.”

A Wee Bit Of A Problem

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I help you?””

Caller: “I would like to know where people go to buy those cups.”

Me: What kind of cups are you looking for, sir?”

Caller: “Sample cups.”

Me: “Sample cups? Do you mean like for a urine sample?”

Caller: “Yeah! I need quite a few.”

Me: “I guess you could get them at a medical supply company. Have you tried that?”

Caller: “Oh, boy! Thank you, lady! You have helped me so much! See, I am looking for work and most places require a urine test. I want to have my samples all ready to go!”