Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Time Waits For Slow Man

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2010

(A customer walks in right before closing. I ask him if there’s anything I can help him find. When he says there isn’t, I politely let him know the store will be closing at in about eight minutes. After spending twenty-five minutes in a dressing room, he puts his clothes on the counter and starts to look at the watches.)

Customer: “I left my glasses at home. What’s this watch say on the face?”

Me: “It says we closed twenty minutes ago and I’m ready to leave.”

Customer: “Oh.”


This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

Read the next Closing Time roundup story!

Read the Closing Time roundup!


This story is part of the Sarcastic Responses roundup!

Read the next Sarcastic Responses roundup story!

Read the Sarcastic Responses roundup!

No Chance Of Defying Gravity

, , , , | Right | November 29, 2010

Customer: “I bought tickets for Wicked on Broadway and I want a refund.”

Me: “Okay, was your show postponed or canceled? That’s the only time we can give refunds.”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t able to watch the show, so I want my money back.”

Me: “Why were you unable to watch the show?”

Customer: “When we got to our seats, my husband felt sick from being so high up and we had to leave.”

Me: “When you purchased the tickets, were you aware that they were in the balcony?”

Customer: “The woman told me they were in the balcony, but I didn’t know what that meant. I know what a balcony on a house is, but a theater isn’t a house. I’m not stupid.”

Me: “If you weren’t sure about the seat placement, why didn’t you ask for clarification?”

Customer: “I didn’t want to sound stupid. I’m not stupid!”


This story is part of the Theater roundup!

Read the next Theater roundup story!

Read the Theater roundup!


This story is part of our Musical Theater Roundup!

Read the next Musical Theater Roundup story!

Read the Musical Theater Roundup!

Wearing Law Suits Will Get You Law Suits

, , , , , | Right | November 25, 2010

(My friends and I are on a mock trial team. We’re all about sixteen, and we have to wear suits to court, like a real trial. We are using a courtroom that no one is using for the day. During a recess, the doors burst open and a woman storms in.)

Woman: “I demand a lawyer!”

Us: “Uh…”

Woman: “You! You there!”

Me: “Who, me?”

Woman: “Yes! I want you to be my lawyer!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not a real lawyer.”

Woman: “But you’re in a courtroom! People in courtrooms are lawyers. That’s why I came here to get one.”

Me: “We’re just using it because there’s no one here today. This is a mock trial.”

Woman: “But you’ve got a briefcase!”

Me: “Ma’am, that does have our case information in it, but it’s not a real case. This is mock trial. It simulates a trial. It’s supposed to be exactly like a real one, but… it’s… not.”

Woman: “You’re not a real lawyer? I’m going to sue you for false advertisement. I bet you haven’t even gone to law school!”

Me: “No, I haven’t. And that’s not exactly how suing someone works. I mean, would you sue Tom Cruise for playing a lawyer in A Few Good Men even though he’s not one?”

*pause*

Woman: “But… but you’re wearing a suit!”

Sadly Wasn’t Born Yesterday, Part 2

, , , , | Healthy Right | November 20, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. I had a baby at your hospital about a week ago, and when I was discharged I got a lot of papers and some samples. One of the papers says something about a PKU test.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. How can I help you with that?”

Caller: “Well, it says on this paper that I need to bring my ‘new arrival’ to registration and they would help me get the PKU test done. I want you to know that I have looked all through the papers and stuff you gave me and I can’t find anything marked ‘new arrival.’ What is this ‘new arrival’ I am supposed to bring with me when I come in?”

Me: “Ma’am, that would be your infant child… Your new baby.”

Caller: “Oh, my freaking God! If you mean ‘new baby’ then write ‘new baby’! Not everyone understands this hospital medical jargon!”

Doesn’t Get The Fine Print

, , , | Right | November 18, 2010

Customer: *hands me a printer* “Is this all I need to print? My last printer broke.”

Me: “No, ma’am. You still have to purchase ink and a printer cable for it.”

Customer: *grabs random ink off the shelf* “Okay, here we go.”

Me: “You have to get the specific brand and number listed on the box.”

Customer: “Oh, well, normally you can just mix and match. I’m new to this Web 2.0 nonsense but I think I know a little about setting up a printin’ machine!”