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Blood Must Run Thick In Their Family

, , , , , | Right | July 5, 2010

(I am calling a mother about her three-year-old son, who is exhibiting signs of pink-eye.)

Me: “I’m calling from [Camp] about your son.”

Customer: “Oh, no, is he all right?”

Me: “There seems to be something wrong with his eye. It’s swollen and he hasn’t been able to stop itching it, and it’s very red and inflamed.”

Customer: “Is he bleeding?”

Me: “Well, no. But I think it might be a good idea to pick him up and maybe take him to your family doctor.”

Customer: “So he’s not bleeding?”

Me: *pause* “No. But these symptoms can sometimes be indicators of something serious and often contagious. I really think you should come get him.”

Customer: “Why are you calling me if he’s not bleeding?”


This story is part of our dangerous parents roundup!

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In A (Lone Star) Drunken State

, , , | Right | June 18, 2010

Me: “Hi there! Welcome to [Store]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you sell wine?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t sell alcohol.”

Customer: “But… but this is Texas!”


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Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 2

, , | Right | June 7, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to get full coverage insurance on this vehicle.”

Me: “Well, your car is over 15 years old, so I don’t think that will be possible. We simply don’t have a company willing to write it.”

Customer: “But, what am I supposed to do if I want full coverage?”

Me: “I guess get a newer car?”

Customer: “If I wreck that car I’m screwed! I’m not that good of a driver to start with!”


This story is part of the Ignorant-About-Insurance roundup!

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Beverly Spills Chihuahua

, , , , | Right | June 1, 2010

Customer: “My wife and I were wondering if it would be okay to bring our chihuahua in while we eat?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but health department rules say we can’t allow any animals other than service animals in the restaurant.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s no problem.”

(He leaves, then comes back in with his wife and a dog-shaped bulge underneath his shirt. My manager, who had overheard the conversation, comes to the register.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s a violation of health code to have the dog in the restaurant.”

Customer: “What dog?”

(The dog then pokes his head out of the customer’s shirt.)

Customer: *stammering* “Well, uh, he’ll stay right here. He won’t get out. He’s very clean and has good manners!”

(A wet spot begins to appear on the man’s shirt.)

Customer: “Maybe I’ll just go through the the drive-thru…”


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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America, Land Of The Not-So-Free

, , , , , | Right | May 27, 2010

Me: “Would you like a free year of anti-virus for this computer?”

Customer: “No, that is too expensive! In my country, we can get it for about $16 USD!”

Me: “Well, in this country you get it for free when you buy a computer.”

Customer: “No, it’s too expensive. You give me a deal?”

Me: “I can charge you $16 US dollars for the anti-virus.”

Customer: “Okay! You see? You gave me a deal.”