My Wife Is My Stingray Of Sunshine

, , , | Right | September 11, 2018

(I work at an aquarium. I’m at the touch pools supervising to prevent any incidents, when a new group of people walks up to the pools.)

Me: “Hi, guys, would you like to touch a creature? If you would, you’re just going to use one or two fingers and stroke.”

Guy In the Group: “That’s what I tell my wife, too.”

Me: “I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

You Get The Body Of The Story

, , , , , | Working | September 10, 2018

(I go to get my son a bean bag chair. The smallish store has one attendant, an already creepy young man. He offers to take the bean chair out to my nondescript car. I open the trunk and he says:)

Attendant: “Wow, that’s a big trunk; you could fit a couple of bodies in there.”

Me: “Um. Gee, thanks? And bye!

Unfiltered Story #120419

, , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2018

I used to work on point of sale systems: the computer-based cash register/credit card/order taking systems for restaurants and hotels. My company also supported some customers with older, clunky systems from before the manufacturer went to computer-based systems. But even those systems were a few steps more complicated than a basic cash register.

One such customer was the victim of a “smash and grab” robbery. A thief ran in making a lot of noise and acting violent to scare people away from the counter. He then grabbed the register off the counter and quickly ran out.

But this was a modular system. All peripherals were separate devices connected to the register by cables. This includes the CASH DRAWER, which by virtue of its heavy steel frame and grippy rubber feet remained planted on the counter as the cable snapped when the register was violently pulled away.

Should Put A Lid On Long Days

, , , | Right | September 7, 2018

(Self-reporting here… I have been helping a family member move. Thanks to bad timing and a trailer tire blowout, I went to bed at 3:30 am after a long hard day. Then I get up again at 9:00 am for another one. We are finally eating lunch around 2:00 pm. I fill a large drink and grab the largest lid on the rack. It doesn’t fit.)

Me: *to employee nearby* “Where are your large lids?”

Employee: “We have them at the counter… Actually, you have one in your hand.”

Me: *shows her that the lid is too small for the cup* “This one doesn’t fit.”

Employee: “In your left hand.”

Me: *looks at other hand, where I am holding the table marker and lid* “… mIt’s been a very long day.”

Unfiltered Story #119641

, , | Unfiltered | September 7, 2018

So I spent some time while in Grad School working for a big box chain electronic store (Clearly everyone knows which one) and I was the only girl in the Portable Electronics section (basically anything you could pick up and steal. iPods, CDs, Cameras ect) So I got all the interesting customers but this one made me the maddest.

Im minding my own buisness stocking shelves and a woman drags her daughter in and heads straight my direction.

Me: How can I help y’all today?

Customer: Like I need your help. *turns to daughter* Do you want to end up like this? Working here? Doing nothing with your life?

Me: *cutting her off* Excuse me, please dont speak about me that way

Customer: *gettingloud* Dont you talk back to me missy, if you had done something with your life and studied a bit more maybe you wouldn’t be here!

Me: Do you want to know why Im here? Im here because I just finished my Masters Degree at Oxford. Pembroke College by the way. And now Im an adjunct at the university you are so proudly wearing colors for, that nearly everyone in this city wears when less than 1/2 of them even WENT there- while I work on my doctoral dissertation. Dont you DARE come in here and look at us and say we didn’t do something right, because I can guaren-f*cking-te most of us did.

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