Sorry, Lady, But The Future Is App-ening

, , , | Right | March 26, 2021

I’m at a bulk store that offers an option to scan and pay for items with their app, allowing you to skip the checkout line and just go straight to the exit. There’s an attendant at the doors to scan your receipt and make sure everything matches up, so it’s relatively difficult to steal. Despite this, another customer comes up to me after I walk past the checkout.

Customer: “So you’re just gonna steal a whole buggy of groceries?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You’re stealing! I saw you go past the checkout line!”

Me: “No, I used the app.”

Customer:Thief! You’re a thief!”

I pushed past her because she was scaring my children and making them question if we’d stolen anything. I went to the attendant, who scanned my receipt and my cart and let me through. Of course, I still had to explain everything to my children.

To the lady who scared my kids and harassed me because she can’t keep up with technology: mind your own business.

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For Some, Working With Kids Is Snow Problem

, , , , , , | Right | March 22, 2021

My five-year-old is extremely social and has a memory like a steel trap; unfortunately, he does not always realize that other people might not share these same characteristics. We are at an indoor play park that we visit whenever we go see my in-laws.

Son: “Do you remember me?”

Worker: “Sorry?”

Son: “I’m [Son]; I came in over the summer! I played for four hours!”

The worker is struggling for words.

Son: “I love it here! You have so many cool slides and snow drinks!”

Worker: *Playing along* “Oh, of course, I remember you! The boy who loves slides and snow drinks!”

I think nothing of it, the kid plays for several hours, and I get LOTS of reading done for my grad classes. A few hours later, we’re leaving, and the same employee is watching the door.

Worker: “See you next time, [Son]! Hope you liked your snow drink!”

The look on my son’s face was pure magic.

This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for March 2021!

Read the next Feel Good roundup for March 2021 story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for March 2021!

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Please Tell Us She Didn’t Take One Of Those “What Dog Are You” Quizzes!

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2021

In the early days of the Internet, the veterinarian I work for has a contract with a local pet store. Anytime someone purchases a puppy from them, they got a coupon for a free exam at our office within one week of purchase. Most new owners call and make an appointment as they leave the store, and sometimes we’ll be able to get them in for a same-day appointment.

This cocker spaniel puppy never even gets to the house before we see it.

Owner: *While checking in* “Oh, I’m just so happy. I went online and the Internet said I needed a female cocker spaniel, and then I went to the pet store, and there she was. She is so friendly and loveable; my girls will be thrilled! The Internet told me I needed a female cocker spaniel and it was right. She is perfect. She loves belly rubs, her ears are so soft…”

She keeps extolling the virtues of this puppy she has known for fifteen minutes now and praising the Internet for telling her to get a “female cocker spaniel.” She finally stops when the veterinarian walks in and introduces himself.

Vet: *Starting the exam* “Well, both his testicles have descended.”

Owner: “What do you mean, his testicles? She’s a she.”

Vet: “No, ma’am, he is a he; you see this is his—”

He starts to point out the puppy’s male anatomy.

Owner: “She had a pink collar on at the pet store! The Internet said I need a female cocker spaniel! I can’t have a male dog!”

She pulls out a cell phone and flips through the paperwork from the pet store to find their number.

The doctor and I make a strategic retreat from the exam room, but we can hear her ripping the poor pet store worker a new one. Several minutes later, she angrily throws open the door and thrusts the phone at me.

Owner: “Here, they want to talk to you.”

Me: “Hello?”

Pet Store: “So we sold her a male dog?”

Me: “The dog she brought is male, and the paperwork says female.”

Pet Store: “Yeah, I guess we put the wrong color collar on him. I found his sister at our other store; we’re going to have someone drive her over to your office. Can you take the male puppy from her to keep him safe, and can our worker come through the back door and trade out the puppies?”

Me: “Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem.”

I handed the owner back her phone and told her that the store was going to bring the female here, and that we would call her when the puppy got here. She didn’t like that plan and instead sat in our lobby, calling and ranting at somebody about how the pet store gave her the wrong dog and how horrible it was. Our receptionist started a tally: the phrase “the Internet told me I need a female cocker spaniel” was said twenty-nine times in the hour it took the pet store workers to drive from the other store to us.

The female pup arrived. While they were physically the same except for gender, the boy was an outgoing, hyper thing that wanted to lick you to death, the kind of dog that has never met a stranger and believes all humans want to play with him at all times, whereas the girl was a shy, terrified thing and a submissive urinator that refused to look anyone in the eye, even her brother. They could not have been more different.

But the Internet had told the lady she needed a female cocker spaniel, so that is what she took home. One of our techs called the pet store and bought the male over the phone, so he never went back.

Butch was an office favorite and was used to teach a lot of our new staff until he passed away last year. His sister we never saw again, which is not unusual for pet store pups; the owner probably had an established vet or one closer to her house. I hope she came out of her shell and became a good dog and was everything the Internet told the lady the dog would be.

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Go Big So They’ll Go Home

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2021

Several years ago, my grandmother lived with my family. After she passed away, my father was punctual about closing accounts she used, sending out copies of the death certificate when necessary, and so forth. But we kept receiving calls from her former mobile carrier.

My father tried everything, from resubmitting her death certificate, to speaking with a supervisor, to just hanging up on them. They kept calling, at least twice a week.

This, along with continued telemarketing calls for her, got on my father’s nerves. Finally, he took to answering any call who asked to speak with her by shouting, “She’s dead and you vultures still won’t leave her alone!” and bursting into fake sobs.

All but a few rare telemarketing calls finally stopped after about a week of that.

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Sir, All Of Our Food Is Done Well!

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2021

I’m working in the drive-thru one morning at work, and a guest drives up. We recently stopped offering well-done items at the restaurant, which has caused some upset guests.

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?”

Angry Man: “I want a bacon egg and cheese biscuit, and I want it well-done! Last time it wasn’t well-done.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we no longer offer well-done items on our menu.”

Angry Man: “Well, you did it before! I am the customer and I want it well-done!”

Me: “I do apologize, but—”

He drives off to the window. My coworker talks to him at the window.

Coworker: “Good morning!”

Angry Man: “I want my bacon well-done! Why aren’t you doing well-done anymore? I’ve always gotten it well-done here before.”

The man continues to shout, so my coworker grabs my manager to talk to him. She comes to the window and they have a heated discussion, which I don’t catch. I see my manager close the window and walk off.

Our kitchen manager, a tall man, comes up to the window to talk to the guest.

Kitchen Manager: “I understand that you ordered a bacon egg and cheese biscuit?”

The man starts yelling about well-done items and customer service, etc.

Angry Man: “And I’m never coming here again! This is f****** ridiculous!”

He follows this up with a string of expletives.

Kitchen Manager: “All right, sir. We have contacted the police and I need you to drive out of the line.”

My manager was actually on the phone with the police, since the man wouldn’t leave and was holding up the line. My kitchen manager finally got the man to drive off, never to return.

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