A Pie In The Sky Orders

, , , | | Right | May 20, 2019

(I work in a fast food chain that’s popular in the south. We have a dessert menu with two kinds of pies: apple and lemon. A customer comes to the drive-thru speaker and I listen on my headset as my coworker takes his order.)

Customer: “Uh, yeah, I didn’t receive my peach pie in my bag yesterday, and I’d like a fresh, free one.”

(We haven’t served peach pies in years. This guy has tried scamming us before, so my coworker decides to have some fun with this.)

Coworker: “Um, are you sure it was a peach pie?”

Customer: “Positive.”

Coworker: “You sure it wasn’t a banana pie?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, yeah! That was it!”

Coworker: “All right, pull around to the window.”

(The customer pulls around to the window, and my coworker opens the window with a smirk on his face.)

Coworker: “Do you have your receipt with you?”

Customer: “Nope, I lost it.”

Coworker: “All right, one pineapple pie coming up.”

Customer: “Thank you! I can’t believe you guys forgot my pineapple pie! Are you guys always this incompetent?”

(My coworker decides to break the unfortunate news.)

Coworker: “Sir, we haven’t served peach, banana, or pineapple pies in over a year, so we couldn’t have forgotten it because you never ordered it. Nice try, though.”

(The customer’s face gets red and he speeds out of the drive-thru.)

Manager: “People will do anything for free food these days.”

Unfiltered Story #151084

, , , | | Unfiltered | May 19, 2019

(I am a female-to-male transgender individual. I am pre-transition and due to a combination of health issues and certain unwanted assets being too large to safely bind, I am unable to pass as male, though I do dress in a more masculine fashion.

Tonight is the release of the newest and last game in a very popular bat-themed superhero video game series. I have a copy for PS4 pre-ordered and have just arrived to join the queue of gamers waiting for the game to be released. In the past, the people closest to the door of the store are in the back of the line, so I go to stand there. There’s a group of guys of varying ages that are obviously together, and they begin staring at me with rather snotty looks on their faces. One guy in particular seems to be their leader.)

Him:  “Hey uh, I don’t mean to be rude. But uh, you’re in the wrong line.” (His tone was rude and confrontational despite his choice of words.)

Me: “Is this the line for Arkham Knight?”

Friends #1 & #2: *scoffs* Yeah!

Me: “Then I’m not in the wrong line.”

(They all exchange annoyed expressions and looks of disbelief, as though I had a lot of nerve standing in that line.)

Leader: “You getting it for your boyfriend or something?”

Me: “My husband isn’t a big fan of the Arkham games.”

(They look at me incredulously.)

Leader: “You play the Arkham games?”

Me: “Yep. I love Batman.”

(They keep exchanging looks, giving me looks, and muttering sexist things.)

Leader: “Yeah, well, this is the front of the line. Get in the back of the line.”

Me: *Shrug* “Alright.”

(I go to ask a store employee who is checking people’s receipts where the back of the line is, because I most certainly don’t want to cut in front of anyone else.)

Me: “Excuse me, where’s the back of the line? Those gentlemen over there *I point to them* insisted that was the front of the line.”

Female Employee: “*Follows my finger and rolls her eyes and sighs in disgust* It doesn’t matter where the “front” of the line is. Everyone will have to line up outside soon.”

Me: “*Smile apologetically to her* Alright. Thank you.”

(Soon the line moves outside and the group of guys are confronting people that are at the front of the newly formed line.)

Leader: “Make room, we were here first!”

Guy: “I’ve been standing here for a few minutes.”

Leader: “We were at the front of the line!”

Female Employee: “Either get behind them, go to the back of the line, or come get your game tomorrow!”

Leader: “We were at the front of the line! *Angrily stomps behind the people at the front of the line*”

(When it comes time to go inside and get my game, those guys are walking out as I’m walking inside, and they once again shoot me a plethora of dirty looks.

I really love gaming, but I absolutely hate the sexism within the gaming community.)

Crossover Is The Biggest City In The Marvel Universe

, , , , , | | Related | May 17, 2019

We were traveling to a casino in Mississippi, driving down the infamous Highway 59. It has many places where you must cross the actual interstate. These are called crossovers and each has a sign indicating, “CROSSOVER.”

My parents were from Wisconsin and had no such thing in their state. After about an hour of driving, my mother piped up and commented that Crossover must be a big town, as she had been seeing signs for some time. After a very incredulous look from me, we had a good laugh about it.

Try Fitting It Through Your Onion Ring

, , , , , , , | | Right | May 16, 2019

(My roommate is treating us to lunch at a popular burger joint.)

Waitress: “Welcome to [Burger Joint]. May I take your order?”

(We both place our order for burgers and fries, with sweet tea.)

Roommate: “I want to add an order of onion rings to the order.”

Waitress: “6 or 13?”

Roommate: “Inches.”

(You could have heard a pin drop after he said that, despite me coughing after choking on my water. The waitress’s eyes are wide open in surprise from his comment as I get up and excuse myself. I come back a few minutes later after laughing myself out to find the roommate completely nonplussed about the scene he almost caused.)

Me: “[Roommate], next time watch what you say when asked questions like that.”

Roommate: “I didn’t say anything bad; I just answered her question.”

Me: “I’ll explain it on the way home, as it isn’t appropriate to talk about it here.”

(After we are done eating our meal, I stay behind as the roommate goes out to the car, and I approach the waitress and give her a $25.00 tip on a $40 order.)

Me: “I apologize for what he said; he didn’t know what he was implying.”

Waitress: “That’s okay. I got a good laugh and so did my coworkers.”

Just Keep Trump-eting That Rhetoric

, , , , , | | Right | May 16, 2019

(Our store is collecting change for a local charity that works with homeless men. As our town already has several excellent charities for families and women, this smaller group is working to help those who have previously been overlooked, and is having great success. To encourage giving, the change jar has a sign that reads, “Your change helped a homeless man buy boots so he can go to work.” I’m ringing up a woman who has been a bit brusk but otherwise polite. It’s late 2018, well after the presidential elections. As I’m ringing the woman up, she sees the change jar and makes a disapproving sound.)

Customer: “That’s not right, you know. I don’t approve. I don’t believe in helping those who won’t work.”

Me: *totally caught off guard* “Well, ma’am, that’s the goal: to help them get to the point where they can work.”

Customer: “They’re lazy and we’d be better off without them all.”

Me: *thinking: “Wait, you’d rather they just died?”* “Well, illnesses, both physical and mental, are the leading causes of homelessness. A lot of those men would love to live normal lives but can’t afford the medical care needed to get there. This group works with each one, ensuring they have the basic necessities like food and shelter, and then helps them navigate the next steps so they can hopefully get off the streets. It’s obviously more complex than that, but that’s the basic—“

Customer: “I just don’t think my hard-earned money should pay for them.”

Me: “No worries; you don’t have to give—“

Customer: “Trump’s going to fix that, you know.”

Me: “I… Excuse me?”

Customer: “He’s going to help them and fix things. Hilary wouldn’t, you know. Trump will.”

Me: “I… You… So, the Republican plan is to discourage local, grass-roots charities, and to instead fix things with federal-level programs?”

Customer: “Yeah, sure. He’ll fix it.”

Me: *pause* “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

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