Taboo Tattoo

, , , , , , , | | Related | August 13, 2019

(My older sister, who is in her early 30s, has a steady job, and owns her own home, has recently gotten a tattoo on her wrist. It is a two-inch long portrait of her beloved pet rabbit done in a style reminiscent of the classic Winnie the Pooh illustrations. I knew beforehand she was planning it, but we both kept quiet about telling our more conservative mother about it. After it is done and my mom learns about it, she calls me over the phone, very distressed about it:)

Mom: “I just can’t believe my daughter would be the one to do this. What are people going to think of her now?”

Me: “Mom, did you even see what the tattoo was a picture of?”

Mom: “No, as soon as she told me, I refused to look at it and left.” *sniffs, as she’s been crying* “What is it?”

Me: “It’s a very tasteful upside-down pentagram.”

Mom: “…”

Me: “Mom? MOM?! It was a joke! She didn’t get a pentagram!”

Mom: *heavy exhalation* “You little b******! I might need to go to the hospital after that!”

(She has since calmed down on the issue, though she probably still wants to hide it from my grandparents. My sister told me that my joke actually made things better as it has reminded that her tattoo isn’t the worst thing ever.)

Unfiltered Story #160096

, , | | Unfiltered | August 12, 2019

We all sat in cubicles taking inbound calls for the billing dept. of a major cell phone company. Quite often we would have frustrating calls where the customer just would not or could not understand that we could not give them what they wanted.

We were never supposed to lose our cool or be unpolite but it’s really hard in a billing dept.

I had just got off a call and was waiting for my next one when I overheard another co-worker, who was always the most polite and patient, say “I can’t help that you seem to be stuck on stupid sir!”

I guess she reached her limit and we all chuckled for the rest of the shift.

Luckily she did not get caught

Won’t Be Getting His Paws On That This Christmas

, , , , | | Related | August 7, 2019

(It’s Black Friday and my sister-in-law told me a few days ago that my nephew wants the “Paw Patrol” tower. I tell her I will try to convince my father to buy it for him. We’re at a store when I mention to him the gift he could buy for his grandson. Just so you know, my father is known for being a bit cheap.)

Dad: “Sure, I’ll buy it for him. How much does it cost?”

(I go to the toy selection and see it costs about $70. I then turn back, not even going to attempt to get it, and return to my dad.)

Me: “Never mind. I know you’re not going to get him that.”

Dad: “Why? Tell me how much it costs.”

(I then show him where I found it, and he sees the price.)

Dad: “Yeah, you’re right. I love my grandson but not that much.”

Refunder Blunder, Part 42

, , , , , | | Right | August 4, 2019

(I work in a clothing store at the mall owned by a small company. The owner does not offer refunds because we offer low prices, plus the register system is older and cannot compute credit and debit card refunds.)

Customer: “I’ll take these shorts. Do you do refunds?”

Me: “No, ma’am. No refunds; exchanges only. Sorry.”

Customer: “Okay, that’s fine.”

Me: “Your total is $21.64, please.”

(The customer hands over her credit card and watches me charge her card but then sees the large “no refund” sign right next to her.)

Customer: “You don’t offer refunds?!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I said no refunds, exchanges only.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! I don’t want it, then.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but once the sale is in the system, it is final.”

Customer: “But I haven’t left the store, so I didn’t buy it!”

Me: “Yes, you did, ma’am. Your credit card has been charged. You can try it on in our dressing room and exchange it if you don’t like it.”

Customer: “No, there’s nothing else I want. I have not left the store, so I didn’t buy it.”

Me: “The register is running on an older system. It does not allow refunds, which is one of the reasons we do not offer refunds.”

Customer: “That’s a horrible policy. I will not be coming back!”

Customer #2: *who was watching the whole time* “I heard you say it the first time. No refunds or not, still can’t beat these prices!”

Refunder Blunder, Part 41
Refunder Blunder, Part 40
Refunder Blunder, Part 39

Hugs And DVDs And Poop, Oh My!

, , , , , , | | Related | August 4, 2019

(I am visiting my nephews and telling stories of them when they were babies. They are teens now so they cringe when they hear the stories.)

Me: “[Oldest], you were probably the cutest. For whatever reason, you preferred to sleep on my shoulder to anywhere else, so when you’d get sleepy, you’d crawl away from your mom over to me so I would pick you up. Your mom wouldn’t let me see you for months because of that.”

Mom: *from across the house, while oldest cringes* “I still haven’t forgiven you for that!”

Middle Nephew: “What about me? What did I do?”

Me: “You… always liked to play with the DVD player.”

Middle Nephew: “Like… the remote?”

Me: “No… the DVD player. You’d crawl over and stand up in front of it. I had mine about–” *puts hand a little under two feet from the ground* “–about this high. So, you’d go to it, press the button, and giggle. But then the tray would come out, hit you in the face, and knock you down, so you’d cry. I’d pick you up so you’d stop and you’d go do it again.”

Youngest Nephew: *while middle nephew cringes* “Ha! That sounds just like him! What about me?”

Me: “Oh, you didn’t like me as a baby.”

Youngest Nephew: “Why not?”

Me: “Well… when you were a baby, [Ex] helped me babysit you guys one night. I took those two outside to play while you were getting your diaper changed. I came back in to check after a little bit and stood over you and said, ‘Bah!’ It scared you so much, you somehow sprayed poop and pee all over [Ex] as you cried. We cleaned it all up and she had to go home, change, and come back, but you wanted nothing to do with me until you got older.”