Daddy’s Little (Working) Girl

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2010

Caller: “Are you hiring right now?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we are hiring for the infant room.”

Caller: “Oh, that won’t work. My daughter is six.”

Me: “Are you wanting to bring your daughter to our daycare facility?”

Caller: “Yes. How much do you pay?”

Me: “Well, I’m not at liberty to discuss what the employees get paid. But, for your daughter’s age, we charge $95 a week.”

Caller: “So, she will get paid $95 a week?”

Me: “No, sir. That is what we charge for you to bring your daughter here for the employees to look after, teach, and have playtime.”

Caller: “So she can’t get a job here? She won’t be making any money? F*** it. I’ll call someone else who will give her a job.”

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Nails, Not Files

, , , , | Right | February 3, 2010

Me: “This is [Hardware Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, do you guys carry an Asus [followed by a long string of abbreviations and numbers] Sound Card?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: *repeats*

Me: “What is that used for?”

Caller: “So you can get sound from your speakers.”

Me: “Like on a computer?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Wrong kind of hardware, buddy.”

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Re-Vamping Dracula

, , , , , | Right | February 2, 2010

Customer #1: “Hi, I need to get a refund for this book. You gave me the wrong book.”

Me: “Didn’t you ask for Dracula?”

Customer #1: “No! I read this book and it is nothing like the movie.”

Me: “Actually, Francis Ford Coppola completely re-wrote the story when he filmed his version of Dracula. I can help you find that version, if you’d like.”

Customer #1: “No! I want the Van Helsing version.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, in Van Helsing, Van Helsing is the main character and he fights Dracula and Frankenstein.”

Me: “That film is a complete work of fiction. Van Helsing never fought Frankenstein or Frankenstein’s monster.”

Customer #1: “Yes, he did! The movie said so! What do you know?”

Me: “Bram Stroker was a little boy when Mary Shelley died, so she never read Dracula.”

Customer #1: “I think you are lying. The movie and Hugh Jackman would never lie!” *storms off*

Customer #2: *overhearing* “I hate Hollywood.”

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Multi-person Multi-tasking

, , , , | Right | January 27, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You guys clean my pool and I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Would you have your pool cleaner pick up my dry cleaning and bring it to my house when he comes to clean the pool?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a service we offer.”

Customer: “But it’s just right down the street.”

Me: “Ma’am, first of all we would need the ticket they give you to pick up your clothes. Have you thought about getting a personal assistant? I have the name of a company who–”

Customer: “FINE! I’ll just get the landscaper to do it!” *hangs up*


This story is part of our Outrageous Requests roundup!

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The Scenic Route Always Whets The Appetite

, , , | Right | May 12, 2009

(This lady called to place a to-go order. She gave me a phone number with an odd area code, but I didn’t think much of it until this part of the conversation…)

Me: *on the phone* “All right, your total comes to $47.92 and it should be ready in 15 minutes. You know this is the store at [street] and [street] in front of the mall, right?”

Caller: “What? I’ve never heard of those street names. How do I get there?”

Me: “Well, if you can tell me the closest intersection to you, I can give you directions…”

Caller: “I’m at [street] and [street].”

Me: “…ma’am, what city are you in?”

Caller: “…Little Rock…”

Me: “Arkansas?!”

Caller: “What other state would I be in?”

Me: “We’re in Texas. I’m thinking you’re going to want to order from a location closer to you.”

Caller: “I don’t know. Where in Texas are you, exactly?”

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