Social (Network) Security

, , | Right | March 30, 2010

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer #1: *hands me a credit card*

Me: “Thanks. I just need to see a photo ID with this.”

Customer #1: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “Well, do you have a school, work, or military ID? Pretty much any way to match your name and face will work.”

Customer #1: “No, I don’t have… Wait!”

(The customer digs in her purse and pulls out a phone.)

Customer #1: “I have a Facebook; will that work?”

(The customer pulls up her account and shows it to me.)

Me: “Well, I guess for today, but next time we’ll need a physical ID.”

(The customer finishes paying and the next customer steps up.)

Customer #2: “Now just to let you know I don’t have my ID either, but I do have a MySpace.”

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TV On Demanding

, , , , , | Right | March 10, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Satellite Company]. How can I be of assistance?”

Customer: “I need you to move the satellite, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, I want to watch the movie but we’re having a storm. Can you move the satellite closer so I can see the rest of the movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the satellite is in space and I can’t just move it closer to you.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, can you pause the channel until the storm is over then?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that is a broadcast going to everyone at the same time. We cannot pause the broadcast.”

Customer: “Okay, just replay the movie for me. I get home from work about 5, so if you could start it at 6 I’ll have time to make a bite to eat first.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is not how the broadcast works.”

Customer: “You’re just not helpful AT ALL!”

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Thou Shalt Pay On Time

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2010

(I work in the financial aid department of a private Christian college.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [University] today. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to complain about a late charge on my daughter’s bill. It shouldn’t be there.”

Me: “All right, give me just one moment while I pull up your daughter’s account. I see that payment was not received until a week after the due date.”

Caller: “I know, but I shouldn’t be charged a late fee.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our late fee policy was explained to you when you enrolled in our payment program and is also printed on the bottom of your monthly statements.”

Caller: “But you’re still a Christian university, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but to avoid late charges you must pay your bill on time.”

Caller: “Nonsense. The Bible talks about this. Y’all are supposed to be Christians!”

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Jurassic Lark

, , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, but are all of these things real?”

Me: “Sorry, are you talking about the artifacts on my cart? Some of these are replicas, because the real things are too breakable to touch.”

Customer: “No, I mean the exhibit.” *points to the dinosaur exhibit*

Me: “Dinosaurs did exist millions of years ago beginning in the Triassic Period, but about 65 million years ago the dinosaurs went extinct.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I thought the museum was making it up to attract visitors.”

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Supervisor Is Super Wiser

, , , | Right | February 28, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I want a supervisor.”

Me: “Is there any reason that you need the supervisor?”

Customer: “Just give me a supervisor!”

(I do the standard procedures to transfer to a supervisor. Three minutes later, the same caller:)

Customer: “What did the supervisor write in my account?”

(I saw the comments on the account. The supervisor wrote: “No more supervisor calls for this customer.”)

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