(I am a freshman in college. Let it be known, I am loving life on campus; my classes are intellectually stimulating, and there are plenty of coffee shops to fuel my growing addiction. The only issue I have — as is to be expected — is my neighbors in the dorms. We’ve been on campus for about a month and a half now, and every other day or so our neighbors end up staying up until two or three in the morning playing “Fortnite.” We’ve asked them to keep it down three or four times by now, but it seems to be a bit of a lost cause. Today, I had a conversation with them that went something like this:)

Me: *knocks on door*

Neighbor #1: “Oh, hey. What’s up?”

Me: “Would you guys be willing to turn your video games down? We’re trying to study, sleep, and not have to listen to you screaming at a video game at three am.”

Neighbor #2: “Oh, sure. We’ll try to keep it down. We just get so into it.”

Me: “I understand. I’m an avid online gamer, too. I play Star Wars online… which means I also understand that you should keep your game volume at a reasonable level, and not curse at a screen at three in the morning, as evidenced by the way you don’t hear ‘pew pew’ noises coming from our room. Thanks.”

(This was all said very calmly. I am a very polite person, so the fact that I said this at all goes to show how fed up I am. I’m hoping for results, but I’m not holding my breath.)

(I am at a hair salon. The way the system works at this particular location is you write your name down on the sign-in form, and an employee crosses your name out once they put your name on the computer waiting list. My sister and I have already signed in and been added to the computer. I am getting my hair cut and my sister is just waiting her turn, when an elderly man walks in and puts his name on the list. My sister gets called.)

Elderly Man: “Isn’t it my turn now? There was no one before me on the list!”

Employee #1: *explains that my sister was first, because she signed in first*

Elderly Man: “Hmph!”

(My hair is done, I have paid, and I am waiting now for my sister to finish up. The elderly man gets called.)

Employee #2: *to elderly man* “How are you today?”

Elderly Man: “I still don’t understand why I wasn’t next; all the other names were crossed out on the list.”

Employee #2: *patiently repeats what the other employee already said*

Elderly Man: “Hmph!”

(My sister looks uncomfortable. I’m wondering what his problem is, since my sister was obviously there before he came in.)

Employee #2: “How were you wanting your hair cut today?”

Elderly Man: “Cut it medium with the clippers.”

Employee #2: *hesitates, looks confused* “A number three comb?”

Elderly Man: “Medium!”

Employee #2: “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Elderly Man: “Medium! Medium! How can you not know what a medium haircut is?!”

(By this time my sister is done and paying. As we leave, the elderly man is still insisting that he always gets his hair cut “medium.” The poor stylist is flustered and confused.)

Me: *to my sister* “I think he has [Hair Salon] confused with [Fast Food Restaurant].”

(Today is Thursday the 12th, and the company payday is tomorrow. In an attempt to make reference to the Jason Voorhees slasher films, I see one of my coworkers and go right up to him.)

Me: “Oh, hey, tomorrow is 9/11!”

Coworker: “Wait… What?”

(I stammered and explained that I was trying to say, “Tomorrow, we get paid on Friday the 13th.” How horrifying.)

I’m a mom of two boys. They are fourteen and sixteen, respectively, and almost exactly the same height. They both tower over me. While there is a family resemblance, one looks like me, and the other like my husband.

We are picking up a few things at the store. A woman approaches my cart and comments about how tall and handsome they are, then follows up with, “Are they twins?” Startled, I look at my boys and try not to laugh. I respond that they are not twins, but before I can say anything else, she cuts me off with, “Are you sure?”

(I work the customer service booth in a large mall.)

Customer: “I wanted to go to [Store in the mall], but they’re closed right now.”

Me: “Really? That’s odd. The mall is open right now; they should be open.”

Customer: “Yes, they had a sign on their door that said, ‘Back in ten minutes,’ and I have no idea how long it’ll be before they’re back. Do you know when they’ll be back?”

Me: “Um… Probably about ten minutes, I would think.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! Thanks so much for your help. I’ll be back then.” *walks away*