Suddenly Acquiring Twenty-Sided Vision

, , | Friendly | August 1, 2015

(I am running my third and final gaming event at the con. It is a superhero game where all the characters have powers based on mythological creatures. One of the players is new to role playing.)

Me: “It’s sort of like when we were kids and played cops and robbers or whatever. You each have a character and we say what your character does while playing the bad guys, the helpless citizens and the person sending you on these adventures.”

New Player: “So what are the dice and the rules for? You didn’t need rules as kids.”

Me: “Remember when you would get into those situations where someone would say ‘Bang, you’re dead,’ and the immediate response was ‘Nuh uh, I have a bullet proof vest,’ followed by ‘Well, I shot you in the head,’ then ‘You were aiming too low’? At which point it devolves into ‘Yes, you are!’ ‘No, I’m not!’ The rules keep that from happening at least as much as possible. Plus there’s the other thing.”

New Player: “What other thing?”

Me: “Eventually, you’re going to be playing one of these games and roll what that game considers to be a really high number. After all the other rolls you’ve seen it’ll make you feel like ‘Oooo, look how awesome I am.’  I mean it’s just an arbitrary number rolled on one or more dice in a make-believe game, but when it happens you’ll feel like the most awesome person in the room.”

(Later in the game the character she chose, a female marine with dragon based powers, decides to make a strafing run on the banshee-like aliens they’re fighting. She rolls to hit and gets the absolute best possible result.)

New Player: *without thinking about it* “Ooooooh!”

Rest Of The Table: “One of us. One of us. One of us.”

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The Ring Doesn’t Rule Them All

, , , , | Friendly | March 4, 2015

(I am talking with a friend of mine at our live action role playing meeting.)

Me: “…so then we were going to do a Ravenloft thing but it never happened.”

Friend: “What’s Ravenloft? Is that another kingdom?”

(Chapters are referred to as shires, baronies, and duchies based on size. Kingdom represents an overseeing organization that handles rules, mundane business details, and other such things for multiple chapters.)

Me: “Umm, no, it’s a Dungeons and Dragons campaign setting.”

Friend: “Oh, hmm, I hadn’t heard of it. I don’t play D&D.”

Me: “Really? Do you read fantasy novels?”

Friend: “Not usually.”

Me: “You at least know who Tolkien is, right?”

Friend: “No, what Kingdom is he from?”

Me: “He wrote the Lord of the Rings, which sort of started the whole fantasy genre.”

Friend: “Oh.”

Me: “You mean this is the first fantasy thing you’ve done? You realize, this is near the deep end of geekdom right?”

(Since then he’s gotten heavily geeked out. Most recently, I’ve seen him cosplaying as Bebop from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.)

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Not Uniform Behavior

, , , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2014

(We’ve just come home from a nearly year-long deployment and we’re at our homecoming, where I’m looking for my wife in the crowd. She spots me, comes running up, and jumps… on my buddy, who is next to me. In her defense, we all look the same in our uniforms.)

Wife: “Ahhhh! I can’t believe you’re home! I’ve missed you so much!”

Buddy: “Oh… I missed you, too!”

(My wife leans in to kiss my buddy.)

Me: “Whoooooa there, [Buddy]! You wanna put my wife down?”

Wife: *realizing what’s she’s done and jumps down* “OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!”

Me: “When were you gonna tell her, man?”

Buddy: “I was going to… eventually!”

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Please Keep Both Hands On The Wheel(chair)

, , , | Right | September 9, 2014

(I’ve been in a wheelchair for several years and am still pretty independent. Unfortunately there are times the chair can be a real pain. I broke down on the interstate on my daily commute and do not have a cell phone. As a result I am wheeling myself down the I-35 shoulder headed to the closest gas station when a DPS unit pulls up behind me. I was very tired since the shoulder of an interstate is not the easiest surface for me to go long distances. When I see the cop something just reminds me of a routine traffic stop, which I find hilarious.)

Me: “Don’t bother asking for my license or proof of insurance for my chair, as I have neither.”

(The cop looked confused for a second, and then burst out laughing.)

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Repeated Mis-Steak

, , | Working | August 20, 2013

(My husband and I have just finished looking over the menu. I decide I want my usual steak order if available.)

Me: “Is there prime rib available?”

Waitress: “Yes there is; eight or ten ounce?”

Me: “Eight ounce, please.”

(The server walks away without asking how I would like my steak cooked. She returns 10 minutes later.)

Waitress: “I’m sorry. How would like your ribeye steak cooked?”

Me: “I ordered prime rib. Medium rare, please.”

Waitress: “Oh yes, prime rib! Of course.”

(Our food comes about 20 minutes later.)

Waitress: “Here is your ribeye steak.”

Me: “I ordered prime rib.”

Waitress: “You did? Oh, okay.”

(The waitress takes the plate back. 10 minutes later, the manager arrives with the same steak.)

Manager: “Hi, what was wrong with your ribeye steak?”

Me: “I ordered prime rib.”

Manager: “Oh, okay. Let me change that for you.”

(Despite the manager intervening, my steak does not come out for another 30 minutes.)

Waitress: “I am so sorry; I have no idea how I messed that up! Here’s the check!”

(Incredibly, the waitress has still put “ribeye” on the check.)

Husband: “They really wanted you to get the ribeye!”

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