(It is somewhat late on a Saturday and I’m running the drive-thru when, without warning, the soda machine decides that it has had enough and quits dispensing carbonated drinks. None of us are able to reset the machine, or see any faults in the CO2, water, or syrup lines. Furthermore, it is in the middle of a late-night rush with only three people, me included, so none of us can go outside to post a sign, which would likely be ignored anyway. Ding!)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant], but before you place your order, I regret to inform you that our soda machine just went on the fritz. Howe—“

Customer: “Well, how soon will it be back up?!”

Me: “I am not sure, but we still have teas, non-carbonated drinks, and [slush drinks].”

Customer: “I don’t want any of them, and where’s your sign?! I wouldn’t have come here if I knew your soda machine was down!”

Me: “Again, I apolo—“

Customer: “WHERE IS YOUR SIGN?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve been unable to po—“

Customer: “Well, then, you can either fix the machine or instruct the other customers in line to move!”

Me: “We are sorry, but we cannot find any fa—“

Customer: “Then tell your other customers to move!”

(I’m about to say something when my manager, who is also wearing a headset, cuts in.)

Manager: “We cannot instruct others to move their cars, sir.”

(I begin to tune out their back and forth while dealing with the cars at the window, tendering them out, passing food, etc., when I hear him finally pulling away. I forget about it for awhile until he makes it up to the windows and starts again.)

Customer: “Listen here! I want you to compensate me for my time that I wasted in line because you can’t fix your f****** machine! Furthermore, I will be calling your head offices about this!”

(I wait until he stops before speaking.)

Me: “First of all, even if we had a sign out there, you would still have had to wait. Furthermore, we are compensating understanding customers by providing a free upgrade to our [slush drink]. In addition, we have done what we could to check for issues, but we have to call our vendor tomorrow morning to figure out the issue. Lastly, please pull ahead, as we have other cars who were more patient and understanding about the situation than you are.”

(I then close the window and do my best to prep the next [slush drink], teas, food bags, etc., to aid my coworkers as best as I can without touching the food itself. As I’m doing this, he is laying on the horn like crazy. My manager finally has enough and opens the window.)

Manager: “Sir, we have done everything we can and you are holding up the line. Please leave!”

Customer: “Well, fine, then! F*** you, too, b****!”

(As he leaves and everything returns to normal, or as normal as can be with the broken-a** soda machine. Eventually, we make it through the rush and my manager starts to laugh.)

Me: “What’s so funny?”

Manager: “Oh, just thinking of how I’d handle that if I were you. You have some of the best patience I know working drive-thru.”

Me: “Well, s*** happens and people b****. I just let them be a baby and let you change their diapers if needed.”

Manager: *laughing* “Well put.”

(I am getting myself and my baby dressed for the day when my husband runs into the bedroom and throws a cereal box on our bed.)

Husband: “There! Now you can say I gave you breakfast in bed.” *runs out*

Me: *speechless*

(I work as a server at a fast food restaurant. We have a multi-lane drive-thru, and servers run out to the cars to serve them.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Finally! I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes for service!”

(I know for a fact that he hasn’t been waiting nearly that long, but I don’t say anything.)

Me: “My apologies, sir. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want [largest family meal on our menu].”

Me: “Will that be all, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, and I want the police discount.”

(The police discount is 50% off a meal. Company policy doesn’t allow us to give it on family meals, only individual meals.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t give you the police discount on a family meal, only an individual meal.”

Customer: “But I’m a police officer.”

(The guy is in a regular car and isn’t in uniform. Whether or not he is a cop, I don’t bother asking.)

Me: “Even if that’s the case, I can’t put it on a family meal.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager.”

(I go inside and get one of my assistant managers, since the general manager isn’t here.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: *relays his version of the story*

Manager: “Sir, we can’t give you the discount on that meal.”

(After a bit of back-and-forth between them, the dude drives off. The next day the guy comes back, conveniently while someone from corporate is at the store. I am outside when this happens, but this is how I think it went down from what I am told.)

Customer: *to the manager he talked to last time* “I want my food, and if you don’t give it to me, I will post a 45-minute video on every social media site about my horrible experience.”

(My manager gets ready to call his bluff when the corporate guy walks up.)

Corporate: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: *tells the story from the previous day and his bulls*** ultimatum*

Corporate: *to manager* “Just give him the food for free.”

Manager: *reluctantly* “Yes, sir.” *proceeds to ask the customer what he wants*

(After a busy day at work, I’m excited that I’m at my last hour. I have to start closing half an hour before I leave. An elderly woman is sitting in the lobby, and when asked, she tells me she wants to open a safe deposit box, as well as transfer money from her checking to her savings. This sounds so simple, I figure I have more than enough time, and ask her to step into the office. She tells me she’d like to speed things up because she has her dog in the car. It’s April in Houston; although not as hot as summer, it is still pretty bad inside of a car. I say that’s fine, but I ask if the dog has the windows down. She says yes, so on we go.)

Customer: *hands over $5,000 check* “I need $2,000 for me, and the rest in my savings.”

(I realize she wants me to cash the check, give her $2,000 cash, and put the rest in her account, so I clarify.)

Customer: “No. I want $2,000 for me and the rest in my account.”

Me: “Okay, so, you want me to cash the check, give you $2,000 and deposit the rest into your account?”

Customer: “No, I want the rest in checking.”

Me: “All right, let’s get this straight. You want me to cash the check. Deposit $2,000 in your savings account, and put the rest in your checking account?”

Customer: “I want $2,000 for my savings box. The rest in my checking.”

(Figuring out that she means her safe deposit box, I tell her that she should cash the check, deposit what she needs into her checking and turn the $2,000 into a cashier’s check, since it’s safer. What she does with the check is her business. She says yes, so I tell her it will take me a few minutes while I go to the teller line and do that for her. I come out after about ten minutes since it is a busy day. The customer is standing by the door. I tell her I have the check and I’m ready to get started on opening the safe deposit box account for her.)

Customer: *almost screaming* “I said I wanted $2,000 in my checking and the rest in my savings!”

(I may have misheard her or just got confused with the whole ordeal from earlier, so I apologize and let her know I’ll fix it and I’ll be right back. She says she will be outside with her dog. I fix the error within two minutes and set to open her safe deposit box account. I don’t call her in so she won’t leave her dog in the heat, and I don’t need her at this step, anyway, since it’s just a matter of printing the papers and getting the keys. I’m hitting the print button when the woman walks directly to the assistant manager and asks to speak to the manager. The assistant manager asks how she can help her.)

Customer: “This woman doesn’t know what she’s doing. She could’ve just told me. My dog is sitting outside, and she made an error.”

(The manager looks at me and I step out of the office to let the woman know that the error is fixed and I’m at the point where I just need her to sign. Finally, the customer agrees to go inside so she can sign her paperwork.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you didn’t know what you were doing. You should’ve just told me.”

Me: “I’m sorry; it was a misunderstanding.”

Customer: “Well, you should’ve just told me you didn’t know what you were doing.”

(About twenty minutes have gone by. I’m ready to close down and I don’t like being told I don’t know what I’m doing when she clearly had her stake in it.)

Me: “I made an error. I apologize. It means I’m human.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have.”

Me: “If I didn’t make errors, I wouldn’t be working here. I would be working somewhere else, making a lot more money.”

(The customer hmphs and signs. She walks out of the office after I explain the details and hand over the keys.)

Me: “Do you need me to let you into your box?”

Customer: “No, I have my dog in the car.” *walks out*

(I notice she left the check behind.)

Me: *rushing to the door* “Ma’am, you forgot your check.”

Customer: “No. I need you to put it in my savings.”

(Now I’m confused, but I assume she means her safe deposit box since she has signed the paperwork and taken the keys.)

Me: “I can’t put it in your safe deposit box; I’m not allowed to know what’s in it and I can’t go in there for you.”

Customer: “The other bank took my box down for me and helped me.”

Me: “I can let you in and help you carry the box, but I can’t go in there for you since you have the keys. We do not hold a set of keys here, and we are also not allowed to know what’s in a box.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous; I have my car switched on for the dog.”

Me: “My coworker here will keep an eye on your car; I’ll let you into the room and you can put the check in.”

(Grudgingly, she agreed. At this point, the manager was next to me and we both went into the vault room with the customer. To my disgrace, the box I originally wanted to assign to her didn’t work, so the one I picked in a rush was at the very top, needing a step ladder. I climbed up the ladder, opened the box, had her and the manager verify the check was being put in, since she insisted I didn’t want her accusing me of a missing check later, and closed the box. By the time this was over, it was past my time to leave, I had a blaring headache, and the poor dog had sat in the car for about an hour.)

(I’m six months pregnant and don’t have many maternity clothes, so I throw on a dress and tights before going to work.)

Husband: “You look really nice today.”

Me: “I ran out of pants that fit.”

Husband: “You’re carrying our child. You are the hottest woman in the world, even more so without pants.”