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That Is Sew Amazing

, , , , | Right | March 10, 2021

My mom and I are on vacation. The left leg of my glasses falls off, and we search in vain for the tiny screw to put them back together. We don’t find it, and as I have to have them to see with, she SEWS the leg back on.

Later on, we take them to the local eyeglass store to get them fixed. It takes them an hour, which is fine by me.

When we are picking them up, the eye doctor who was working says this to me:

Eye Doctor: “I have seen them fixed with wire, straight pins, etc., but this is the first time I have seen a leg sewn on to glasses. Whoever did this should have been a surgeon, as it was done so neat that I had a hard time getting the thread loose.”

She had sewed the leg back on by taking the needle through the small holes on both sides of the hinge on the left side. I still have those frames and I am still wearing them over five years later.

I Am All Service Jobs!

, , , , , | Right | March 9, 2021

Outside of his day job, my boss was on the board of a certain city commission. One day, he came to me with an interesting offer. The commission only had a few paid employees, and one of them had just quit. I had two weeks of use-it-or-lose it vacation time coming up; would I be interested in temping over there during those two weeks? Not only could I earn some extra money, but I could also provide my boss with a report on conditions within the office; the board had concerns about employee turnover and day-to-day operations.

It was my third day of temping at the commission when this guy walked in asking about a business permit. I explained that he had the wrong department and he went off. This was the third office he’d been to this morning; he was sick of getting the runaround, didn’t anybody take responsibility for anything, this was why the city was going to h***, etc. The manager and the only other employee left in the office had both stepped out, so it was my privilege to deal with this gentleman.

Finally, I got a word in edgewise and asked who told him he could get a business permit here. He angrily showed me the form someone in another department gave him, with our address on it… except it wasn’t our address. He needed to go to an office at [Address] North, and this was [Address] South. He realized his mistake, but it was still my problem somehow and he continued griping at me all the way out the door.

After my two weeks of “working vacation” were up, I returned to my regular job. On my second day back, just after I pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of my car, I heard a familiar voice. It was the guy I met while I was temping.

“You again?” He said. “You work here, too? Good God! How many jobs do you have?”

Startled, I tried to explain how that was a temp job and this was my regular job, as if it was any of his business. He didn’t seem too impressed. Thankfully, his errand that day involved another agency in the same office park… not mine!

No Need To Get Heated

, , , , , | Friendly | March 5, 2021

My brother and his girlfriend are visiting a friend when their new puppy goes into heat. They don’t want her making a mess of the friend’s house, so [Brother] heads out to a nearby grocery store to get some baby diapers as he heard they were a good idea for dogs.

He gets to the aisle, and two other people are there. A woman is looking at diapers, and an older woman is looking at soap on the other side of the aisle. [Brother] realizes that he has no idea what size to get, so he calls his girlfriend, who stayed behind with the dog. She’s drunk.

Girlfriend: “You’re going to have to figure that out yourself.” *Hangs up*

So, [Brother] starts Googling what size baby diaper to get the dog. The old woman looking at soap comes over to my brother.

Old Busybody: “Was that your wife? You must be a young couple.”

Now, this is obviously none of her business in hindsight, but [Brother] likes to be nice and make conversation.

Brother: “My girlfriend, actually.”

But before he can explain anything else, the old busybody’s expression sours.

Old Busybody: “People like you are what’s wrong with the world!” *Stomps off*

Brother: *Bewildered* “But it’s for a dog!”

The other woman who was looking at diapers started laughing so hard, she had to take her mask off. The old busybody just glared and kept going.

[Brother] went home and told his girlfriend what had happened, and she laughed, too. She kind of wished she had gone, because, drunk or not, she would have sassed that old busybody up and down the aisle.

Forever Under 21

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2021

In Tennessee, the law states that bars are able to allow smoking inside AS LONG AS they are twenty-one-and-up only establishments. I am working in such a bar as a server, during lunchtime, just after opening at 11:00 am. A woman comes in with her child aged one or two years old.

Me: *To my coworker* “Want me to tell her? She looks like she’s heading to my section anyway.”

Coworker: “Nah, I got it.”

My coworker approaches the lady.

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but this is a twenty-one-and-up bar since people are smoking in here. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “But I am twenty-one! I just want lunch!”

Coworker: “Maybe, but she isn’t.” *Motioning towards the child*

Customer: “That’s just stupid! I come here all the time with her!

Coworker: “Not to be disrespectful, but none of my coworkers would allow a child inside and risk us all losing our jobs. I’m asking you to leave, now.”

Customer: “Useless b****. I’m never f****** coming here again!”

She storms out, squealing tires and almost hitting a car as she leaves.

Me: *To my coworker* “Well, that was… interesting.”

Coworker: “Yeah. I’ve only seen her once before. She tried to order alcohol while heavily pregnant. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and she said the same thing to me.”

By the way, there was a HUGE sign on our door, at eye level, that says, “Patrons must be 21 or older and able to show ID to enter.” So much for reading, I guess?

How Em-Bra-assing, Part 8

, , , , | Right | January 28, 2021

I work in the box office selling tickets. Two customers approach, both women, one about thirty years older than the other.

Woman #1: “Do y’all have a lost and found?”

Me: “We certainly do. Can you describe the item you’re looking for so I can check?”

Woman #1: *Seeming sheepish* “It’s a bra.”

I stop dead with my hand on the door to go check the logbook.

Me: “Did you say a bra?”

Woman #1: “Yes, I lost it last night in auditorium three.”

Me: “W-Well, let me have a look.”

I bolt into the office and check both the basket of unlogged items as well as the logbook. I also tell my manager what is up, because this is just too weird. Unsurprisingly, I find nothing and return to my register.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have nothing matching that description.”

[Woman #1] then, to my horror, proceeds to remove her bra to show me.

Woman #2: “It’s not a typical bra; it was custom made and very expensive.”

Woman #1: “It looks like this.”

Me: “Yes, I see, but I still did not find any bras.”

The two women bickered about whether or not to go check the theater. I told them there was a movie in progress, but the older woman insisted. They didn’t find it, and they left a phone number by which to contact them if it turned up.

From the sounds of it, the two women were here together last night, and from the looks of it, the older woman was her mother. The whole thing was bizarre.

How Em-Bra-assing, Part 7
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 6
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 5
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 4
How Em-Bra-assing, Part 3