(My parents and I are headed home from a family vacation. We stop at a popular chain restaurant for a bite to eat. We have a lovely meal and when we ask for the check this happens.)

Waitress: “Should I apply a senior discount?” *she’s looking at my dad*

Dad: “Um… I’m 45, so… no.”

Waitress: *innocently* “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. We have a lot of people who ask for a senior discount, and many of them look younger than you!”

(With that she smiled and went off to get the check, leaving my entire family wondering if she had any idea that she had just insulted my dad. We got a good laugh out of it, so her tip was not affected.)

(A friend and I sell items in an online store. Someone makes a purchase, so we pack up the item and purchase and print a shipping label through the website, which also sends a notification to the customer. Then, we drop the package off at the post office. Several days later, I get a message from the customer asking if the order has shipped yet. I check the tracking info only to see that, for some reason, that package has neither shipped nor even been checked in to the post office. My friend confirms she definitely dropped it off. We try calling the post office, but apparently, this branch is notoriously bad at ever answering the phones. Instead, my friend resolves to go to the post office in person and find out what’s going on. When she arrives and inquires about the package, it is quickly found on the floor in a corner, the label never having been scanned in. As my friend is making the employee scan the package into the system in front of her eyes, this interaction happens:)

Post Office Worker: “In the future, you should just hand packages directly to workers, rather than dropping them in the dropbox.”

Friend: “Seriously?!”

Post Office Worker: “What?”

Friend: “I did! You are the one I handed it to!”

(The customer finally got their package, and we don’t use that post office anymore.)

(I have just finished bagging a fairly large load of groceries that were paid for with food stamps. As soon as this girl leaves the building, the next woman in line immediately complains to the cashier.)

Customer: “Lazy trash!”

Cashier: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know. That dumb b**** that was in front of me, buying things with those bull-s*** food stamps. I can’t stand lazy trash like that.”

Cashier: “I see…”

Customer: “I’ll have you know that I work hard for my money. I don’t collect checks sitting on my lazy a** all day, like she does. Probably wasted all of her normal money on drugs, or some s*** like that. Lazy trash!”

(As she continues checking out, she starts complaining about various other things, like the prices of certain items, or whether or not we bagged something correctly, or even the “poor customer service” she received the last time she shopped here. The poor cashier is just standing there, taking her abuse without even flinching. Meanwhile, I’m busy biting my tongue, because I don’t want to say anything that would cost me my job. At last, I finish bagging her groceries, she pays, and we hope that was the end of it.)

Cashier: “I hope you have a happy Valentine’s Day.”

Customer: “How dare you?”

Cashier: “…what?”

Customer: “I’ll have you know that saying that sort of thing is very offensive to those of us that don’t have anyone to be with!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”

Customer: *cutting her off* “—well, maybe you should just keep your d*** mouth shut and do your job!”

(As she storms off, our supervisor, who has heard everything, walks over to us.)

Supervisor: “What the h*** was her problem?”

Me: *sarcastically* “I don’t know, but I can’t believe a woman like that would be single on Valentine’s Day.”

(I work at a large department store, but have just clocked out and am browsing the shoe selection. I see a customer standing near me that has been here for more than thirty minutes without saying anything to any of the employees.)

Customer #1: “H-hello, do you have this in [size]?”

Me: “Oh, sorry. I’m off the clock! But my coworker over there would be more than happy to help you out!”

(The customer turns bright red and starts apologizing profusely. I assure her it’s perfectly fine, and I even walk her over to my coworker and ask for him to help her. Another customer that heard the encounter scoffs and marches up.)

Customer #2: “You little b****, the guy said he was off the clock. You can’t just f****** make him work because you’re a high-maintenance little b****!”

([Customer #1] looks like she’s about to start crying and I try to step in.)

Me: “Hey, please watch your language. She didn’t do anything wrong. She was so nice that I wanted to help her out, anyway. Please mind your own business.”

([Customer #1] has started crying but is clearly trying her hardest to hide it while apologizing to me repeatedly.)

Customer #2: “The b**** wouldn’t be f****** crying if she wasn’t so f****** guilty!”

(By this time, my coworker has called security, and two of our officers arrive and ask what the problem is. [Customer #1] is trying her hardest to hold herself together, and [Customer #2] tries telling them that [Customer #1] was harassing me.)

Me: “Actually, this p**** has been harassing this young lady to the point of tears. Get him out.”

(The man was escorted out practically kicking and screaming, and kept threatening to sue. In the end, [Customer #1] got her shoes in the right size and I stuck around to make sure she was all right. We ended up becoming quick friends, and she shared with me that she had horrible social anxiety and had been trying to work up the courage to ask me for help since she’d arrived! Today, we’re still friends and laugh about the guy who got kicked out for “helping.”)

(As I walk past the collar and leash aisle, a customer approaches me, holding a pink leopard-print dog harness.)

Customer: “Do you have any boy harnesses?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Most of the harnesses are right behind you.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I need a boy harness.”

Me: “What color?”

Customer: “Blue. For a boy. It needs to be a small.”

Me: “Here’s a small blue one.”

Customer: “I don’t like those kinds. They’re too confusing. Too many loops.”

Me: “Here’s another small blue one.”

Customer: “That’s not the right size. It’s too big. I need one exactly like this one, but for a boy.” *holds up the pink leopard print harness*

Me: “I can adjust this blue one for you if you want.”

Customer: “No, it’s too big. What other harnesses do you have?”

Me: “How about a black small one?”

Customer: “That one is too small.”

Me: “I can adjust it to make it bigger.”

Customer: “Maybe I should just get the pink one… but he’s a boy!”

Me: “Dogs are colorblind. He won’t mind.”

Customer: “But you don’t do that to a boy!”