Should Have Handicapped It After A While

, , , | Right | June 5, 2017

(I work at a very well-known hardware store. I am checking out two ladies and am in the middle of the transaction when a woman behind them starts trying to get my attention.)

Customer: “Ma’am! Ma’am!”

(I’m not ignoring her, but trying to multitask and finish the transaction. I look up at her.)

Customer: “Ma’am! You have to help her! At the key machine! It ate her key! She’s handicapped!”

(I look up at the key machine in question.)

Me: “The machine has to take the key to make a copy… I can’t leave my register right now.”

Customer: *genuinely concerned* “You have to help her! She’s handicapped!”

Me: “I can’t do anything right now.” *points to transaction taking place* “But I can try to call someone.” *I call the head cashier, who says she’ll be right over*

Customer: “Don’t you hear the noise it’s making? It’s broken! You have to help her. She’s handicapped!”

(At this point I have noticed that the customer at the key machine is in a motorized cart and I hear the machine’s odd noise. I finish the transaction and see that another associate is now helping her and that she is very calm.)

Customer: *who I am now checking out* “She’s handicapped!”

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Caught In A Supreme Lie

, , | Right | June 2, 2017

(I work in a pizza restaurant known for its “$5 Hot and Ready” pizzas. Every day from 11 am to 2 pm, we sell lunch combos, which is half a deep dish and a 20 oz drink. The advertisements for the lunch combos clearly state they are only available until 2 pm. It is around 2:30 pm.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a lunch combo.”

Me: “Okay, but it will be seven minutes since we don’t have one up.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have one ready? I don’t have time to wait!”

Me: “We don’t have one ready because we don’t keep Lunch Combos Hot and Ready after 2 pm.”

Customer: “Where does it say that?”

Me: “It’s on the advertisement at the bottom.” *points to cardboard advertisement on counter*

Customer: “I’m in a hurry! I don’t have time to read signs! Never mind, I don’t want it anymore! I’ll just take a Supreme.”

Me: “We don’t keep those Hot and Ready until four. It will take about five to six minutes.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll wait.”

(Guess he wasn’t in that big a hurry after all.)

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Supply And Demanding

, , , | Working | May 19, 2014

(I own and run a business of about 35 people. One day my secretary is on sick leave, so I answer incoming calls. I receive a call from a masked number who turns out to be my stationery supplier.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company]. How can I help you?”

Supplier: “Put me through to your manager!”

Me: “May I know who’s calling?”

Supplier: “Put me through your manager NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot transfer you unless I know who’s calling and what this is regarding!”

Supplier: “Listen here you little s***! I want you to transfer me to your manager immediately, or I will make sure you don’t have a job in the morning!”

Me: “I seriously doubt it. Now tell me what this is about or this phone call is over!”

Supplier: “Fine! I’m the new manager and owner of [Small Stationery Supplier], and if you don’t hand over the phone to your boss now, I will get you fired by the end of the day!”

Me: “Not happening.”

Supplier: “Hand over the phone, b****!”

Me: “All right, enough! I am the manager and owner here. My secretary is not in today, so I answer all the calls. Since this is how you treat your customers, I will terminate our contract. I shall also inform my partners, whom you supply, how big of an a**hole you are, and see how that turns out for you.”

Supplier: “Who the h*** you think you are? I could destroy you! Now stop playing and transfer me, godd*** it!”

Me: “Wow, an a**hole and a moron… Good bye.” *hangs up*

(I kept my word, and terminated the contract and informed my partners about the call. The stationery supplier went out of business shortly after that. It turned out I was their biggest client.)

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One Day It Will Make Scents

, , , , | Related | November 20, 2013

(I am driving my eight-year-old daughter to school early in the morning when a news story comes on the radio station.)

Radio: “The bodyguard of [Famous Singer] is suing because she farted in his presence.”

Daughter: “Oh, my God! Why would she do that to that man’s presents?”

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He’s The Best Actor Of The Bunch

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2013

(It’s mid-September. I’m helping my parents with their haunted house by working in the concessions stand. For the past few years, a customer has gone through and come back out blackened and bruised,, and sues us, claiming one of our actors hit him. Due to lack of evidence he has never won a case, but the trials themselves drain away anywhere from $500-$1000 of our income. We banned him the year before, but this year he comes back and we’re sure it’s to try his scam again. The cashier is new and doesn’t know his face, so she goes ahead and sells him a ticket. After that he walks up to the stand where my coworker and I are.)

Customer: “Man, just starting the season, and you guys are already this busy? I bet you’ll be rich before the year is over.”

Coworker: “Yeah… I get a feeling not as much as we should, since you’re here.”

Customer: “Aw, come on; I can’t help it that your employees are all brutes and bullies. Anyway, I’m going to go ahead and go in. Take care!”

(My coworker looks ready to call security; I tap her on the shoulder and shake my head, watching as the man goes through.)

Coworker: “Why did you do that? You know what he’s going to do.”

(I give my best slasher smile.)

Me: “We bought security cameras this year.”

(Sure enough, he made another attempt at his scam. The camera caught him goading an actor into attacking him, and when they didn’t fall for it, he walked out of sight of people but still where cameras were. He bashed his arm and head against the wall until he bruised. When he tried to sue, we let him take to us to court and showed the camera footage. The case was dropped immediately, and we counter-sued him for roughly three times the cost of being taken to court, very nearly making up all the money he had scammed out of us in the years past.)

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