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Computer Issues Really Suck

, , , , , , , | Working | April 1, 2022

This is a story from a job I had years ago. Our company took PCs and modded them to collect call records from a PBX. One such customer had the PC in his office on a table near the door.

It started having trouble: in the night it would just power down. It’d be down for an hour or two and then come back up. It was happening at pretty much the same time every night.

Our engineers got concerned because they worried that this could start happening with the hundreds of other machines in the field. They tried to replicate the problem. Nothing.

They had the customer send the computer back in for testing. It worked perfectly.

They sent it back. And it started happening again.

So, one night, the customer stayed in his office just to watch the machine and see what happened.

That night, the door opened a crack, a hand reached in… and unplugged it… and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

Problem solved, and our engineers blew a big sigh of relief.

Oh, Brother! – Part 7

, , , , , | Related | March 27, 2022

My family is getting ready to attend a wedding. The bride has pretty serious social anxiety, so she and the groom have opted for an extremely limited guest list. My younger brother is mad that he can’t bring a plus-one and has been complaining to my parents about it for weeks.

Brother: “It isn’t fair not to let me bring a date! [Name] gets to bring his girlfriend!”

Mother: “For the last time, she is his fiancée and they are the ones getting married!

Oh, Brother! – Part 6
Oh, Brother!, Part 5
Oh, Brother! – Part 4
Oh, Brother! – Part 3
Oh, Brother! – Part 2

Her Priorities Seem Fine

, , , , , , , | Related | March 8, 2022

I’m getting married. Some extended family decide they don’t like it because my fiancée and I are both women. My dad isn’t having any of their nonsense.

Cousin: “How are you going to explain it to the kids?”

Dad: “Explain what?”

Cousin: “That their sister isn’t marrying a man! They’re too young to understand.”

Dad: “I’ve been married four times and they’ve handled that just fine. But okay. I’ll explain.”

He turns to my youngest sister, who is seven years old.

Dad: “Hey, [Sister], your sister is getting married to a woman.”

Sister: “Are we going to the wedding?”

Dad: “Yeah.”

Sister: “Will there be cake?”

Dad: “Sure will. But there are two brides, not a bride and a groom.”

Sister: “Okay. Will I be able to have some of the cake?”

Dad: *To the cousin* “I think she’s fine.”

My sister is a big fan of my wife. There are pictures of them at the reception hugging and eating cake together.

That’s Just Straight Up Stupid

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2022

The job that I work for is more mobile than anything, but sometimes we get to stop and rest at the store’s physical address, and customers like to meet us there. However, the address is a little obscure and some people have trouble finding it.

Caller: “What’s your address? I need to come pick up [small item].”

I give her the address and explain how to get there.

Me: “Do you know where [Street #1] is?”

Caller: “Yes, I do.”

Me: “Great! Our street is right off of it, between the 700s and 800s.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll see you soon!”

I think that’s the end of it until she calls back.

Caller: “I’m on [Street #1] but I can’t find where to turn!”

Me: “It’s between the 700s and 800s.”

Caller: “Well, I’m at the 300s and I don’t see it anywhere!”

I tried to tell her to, you know, drive a little further, but she didn’t listen, turned down a random road onto yet another random road (how hard is it to just go straight?), called back in a panic, didn’t listen to instructions AGAIN, and never showed up.

Some people just can’t be helped.

That Choice Is Going To Sting

, , , , , | Legal | February 22, 2022

I was working in a convenience store. One night, it was busy, and my coworker and I were both running registers. I noticed a teenage-looking dude join my coworker’s line with a can of beer. She saw him, too, and gave me a knowing look.

When he got to the counter, she asked him for his ID. He handed her his driver’s license. She looked at it, put the beer under the counter, and, before I could stop her, dropped his driver’s license into the cash drop safe.

Coworker: “Your momma can pick that up in the morning!”

The cocky dude laughed and went outside. A minute later he came back in, followed by two cops. It had been a sting operation.

Cop: “You need to return that ID right now.”

Coworker: “It’s in the time-delay safe. Only the store manager can open it.”

The cop threatened to arrest both of us for theft and interfering with a police operation. My coworker accused him of entrapment and called him a fascist pig, among other things.

Me: “[Coworker], take a break. Officer, I will call the store manager and get him to come in and open the safe and return the ID.”

It turns out that the store manager was about an hour away, so for an hour, we were hosts to two angry cops hanging around drinking free coffee and a cocky kid sitting on the floor playing with his phone. Finally, the store manager arrived. He set the ten-minute timer on the time-delay safe.

Again, the angry cop demanded the ID right away. The store manager explained that the safe had a ten-minute delay. Then, he went into the back room.

I found out later that he texted a pic of the kid to his fellow managers to warn them of the sting operation.

Finally, the store manager was able to open the safe and return the ID. The cops left, followed by the kid, who winked and clicked his tongue at us on his way out the door.