Unfiltered Story #157534

, , | Unfiltered | July 11, 2019

Since When Are Lifeless Objects Living Beings?

Knowledge. In some areas you have it, in others you don’t. I happen to know a great deal about sports trivia. One topic I know virtually nothing about, however, is jewelry. This was never more evident than one winter evening early in 1994 when I experienced one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
Employed by a large company – Suarez Corporation in North Canton, Ohio – in which jewelry was one of its many products, my job was to sell it over the telephone to people across the country who’d purchased jewelry from the firm in the past. After a few weeks on the job, I wasn’t exactly burning the sales charts. In fact, I was probably at, or near, the bottom of the totem pole. I had yet to embarrass myself, though – at least until that one particular evening when I gave the expression “embarrassing moment” new meaning, turned it into an art form, brought it to a higher level.
As always, I received a stack of index cards when the shift began. Each card had the name of the customer and other pertinent information needed to make the call and attempt the sale, such as the patron’s phone number, address, and product(s) he or she last purchased. About an hour into the shift, I came to a card in which the name read, “Porter, James Barbara.” The last jewelry purchased by the Porters read, “Pin, Onyx Opal.” I dialed the number, and after a few rings a woman answered. “Hello?” she said.
My ensuing reply will forever be etched in my mind and quite likely in hers, too. “Is onyx or opal pin there?” I asked.
There was a brief pause, then a chuckle from the woman. Oh my God. I realized what I’d done. I’d misread the card and mistaken “Onyx” for the husband’s first name, “Opal” for the wife’s, and “Pin” for their last name! I’d asked Mrs. Porter if the pins they last purchased were home! How do I get outta this?
Rather than apologize and make a big to-do of the matter, I quickly interjected, “Is James or Barbara Porter there?”
“This is Barbara Porter,” the woman laughed, obviously on to my bewildering blunder. She didn’t buy. … Shocking, isn’t it?

Moral of the story: Don’t be ignorant.

Choose Between Your Feline Or Machine Overlords

, , , , , | Working | July 8, 2019

(Inspired by the story of the guy who tells robo-callers, “Say, ‘cheese sandwich,’” I decide to try it out when I get a call for insurance. She honestly does sound like a real person so I am a little nervous.)

Robot: “Hello! I would like to talk to you about your car insurance.”

Me: “I already have car insurance.”

Robot: “I’m not going to ask you to change it; I just want to give you options. We work with…”

(As she begins to list different companies, my cat comes up to snuggle and I get an idea.)

Me: “Oh, hey, my cat is here. Did you want to say hello? He’s really friendly.”

Robot: “I’m sorry? I didn’t quite catch that.”

Me: “My cat is here. Would you like to say hi to him?”

Robot: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “All right. Say, ‘Hello, Linden.’”

Robot: *silence*

Me: “Say, ‘Hello, Linden.’”

Robot: “Okay! I will put you on the do-not-call list.” *click*

(Fairly certain that was a robot, but still…)

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Taking A Hard(wood) Stand Against Telemarketing

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

(My sister-in-law started this, and it was so much fun that I actually delayed putting my phone number on the “Do Not Call List.”)

Any Telemarketer: “Hello! I would like to talk to you about—“ *begins sales pitch*

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

Any Telemarketer: “But this isn’t about hardwood floors.”

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

Any Telemarketer: “But this isn’t about…”

Me: “But we have hardwood floors.”

(Lather, rinse, repeat, until they hang up.)

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Not Giving Them Any Lee-Way

, , , , | Working | April 22, 2019

(I answer the phone at home.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, am I calling the Lee family?”

Me: “Yep, speaking.”

Caller: “Very well. My name is [Caller], calling on behalf of the Chinese-Canadian Association. Do you have a moment to participate in a survey?”

Me: “I’ve got time, but I don’t think you’d be interested in what I have to say.”

Caller: “I don’t follow, sir.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we aren’t Chinese, so I don’t think I can adequately field any of your inquiries.”

Caller: “I’m sorry, but I am calling the Lee family, correct?”

Me: “Correct.”

Caller: “And you aren’t Chinese?”

Me: “Also correct.”

Caller: “But how can that be?”

(Apparently, he had never heard of Korean people named Lee. Or even white people named Lee!)

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This Caller Has Been Band

, , , , | Working | March 6, 2019

I am in my university’s marching band and am in the middle of an indoor practice. There are close to four hundred of us in the band so it can get pretty loud.

I have my phone out on my music stand and notice that an unfamiliar number, similar to ones that have been telemarketers in the past, is calling me in the middle of a song.

During a rest, I hit the answer button, and then go back to playing my part. After a few seconds on the line, the telemarketer hangs up.

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