Death Of A Sale At A Funeral

, , , , | Working | October 9, 2017

(My uncle has recently passed away, and my mother is the executor of his estate. We have been receiving many telemarketing calls and she is tired of them.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, I’m calling from [Company] about [Service]. How are you doing today?”

Mom: “Well, to be honest, my brother just passed away, and I’ve been getting a lot more sales calls than condolence calls. How do you think I’m feeling?”

Telemarketer: *click*

(We stopped getting so many calls after that!)

Zip Past The Technological Requirements

, , , | Working | September 22, 2017

(A telemarketer is trying to sell me a new phone contract, which I do not want, over the phone. After a while:)

Telemarketer: “Plus, you get LTE coverage!”

Me: “Well, that’s no use, as my phone does not support LTE.”

Telemarketer: “Erm, as far as I can see, your zip code is LTE-capable.”

(Great to know that my zip code supports LTE. If only he could have told me how to use my zip code for surfing.)

Lack Of Homeownership Has Its Benefits

, , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(I am a college student living on campus, and my family lives in a rented home, not an owned one.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, how are you doing today?”

Me: “Good.”

Telemarketer: “That’s great. I’m calling to tell you about this great opportunity to cut your electricity bill by 30%!” *gives spiel* “So, I just have one question. Do you own your home?”

Me: “No.”

Telemarketer: *awkward pause* “Oh. Thanks and, uh… good.” *hangs up*

I’d Say That Definitely Counts As Being Mis-Sold

, , , , | Working | August 30, 2017

(In the UK, there was a massive incident of Payment Protection Insurance [PPI] being mis-sold between 1997 and 1999. As such, when the information was first released, there were a lot of cold callers offering to get this money back – in most cases, a scam. After several years, it petered out. Recently, the deadline to claim it back is coming up, resulting in more calls. I get a call on my mobile from a number I don’t know, but it is a landline so I answer it, though I am suspicious.)

Caller: “Good evening, Miss, how are you?”

(Immediately I know it’s a spam call)

Me: “Who are you?”

Caller: “My name is [Name] and I am calling from [Financial Company]. I believe you are [Male version of my name]?”

Me: “It’s [Female Version]. What do you want?”

Caller: “I am calling because I believe you have been mis-sold Payment Protection Insurance. I want to help you claim it back.”

Me: “No. I’ve not been mis-sold PPI.”

Caller: “Are you sure? You may have been sold it without knowing if you took out a loan between 1997 and ‘99.”

Me: “Definitely sure.”

Caller: “How can you be so sure?”

Me: “I was six. Bit of a risk lending to a six year old.”

(He hung up.)

Making Yourself The Winner Every Time

, , , | Working | August 28, 2017

(For a period of time, I keep getting repeated phone calls from gambling companies. They tell me that I have participated but won nothing, so they want to put me into a special drawing with a higher chance, or that my participation is about to end and I need to choose to continue or drop out. Note that I have never participated in anything. I get tired of this and start to mess with them. Note that I usually recognize them by their phone numbers.)

Me: “[Lottery] customer care, my name is David, how can I help you?”

Scammer: “Hello, this is [Gambling Company], am I talking to [My Name]?”

Me: “No, this is David from [Lottery] customer care. Are you inquiring about our new program? We guarantee a 90% win chance of at least 100€ if you participate for at least three months at 60€ per month.”

Scammer: *click*



Scammer: *does a standard spiel about me participating and so on*

Me: “First of all, I did not participate in…”

Scammer: “What did you participate in?” *Note that she uses “du”, a personal form of address which is usually reserved for family members and friends.*

Me: “For one thing, I’d appreciate you calling me ‘sie’ (formal form of address which would be appropriate) instead of ‘du’. Also…”

Scammer: “Who cares what I call you, you a**h***? Get lost, you…” *click*

Me: “Oy…”



Scammer: “Greetings, I’m calling on behalf of…”

Me: “SARAH! Is that you?!? Where have you been?!? We’ve been worried sick! You are so grounded, young lady!”

Scammer: “Uh… hello? This is not Sarah, this is…”

Me: “Wait, Michael, is that you?!? I told you I don’t want you around my daughter! She’s only 15! If she is not home within the hour, I will call the police and have your a** arrested for child molestation!”

Scammer: “No, I’m just… f*** this!” *click*



(I decide to try something I read on NotAlwaysRight.)

Me: *in a childish voice* “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello? Who am I talking to?”

Me: “Tommy.”

Scammer: “Hello, Tommy, are your parents home?”

Me: “Daddy’s at work.”

Scammer: “And your mommy?”

Me: “She’s in the bedroom.”

Scammer: “I would like to talk to her.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll get her.”

(I wait for a moment.)

Me: “She’s in the bedroom with Mr. Meier, our neighbor. The door’s locked and they’re making funny noises.”

Scammer: “… call your daddy and tell him. That w**** deserves it!” *click*



Scammer: “Hello, I’m [Name], calling on behalf of [Gambling Company]. Am I talking to [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Scammer: “Mr. [My Name], I have great news for you! You participated in [Lottery] and your name was drawn! You are eligible for prizes of up to 10 million €!”

Me: “What! Really?!?”

Scammer: “Yes! Isn’t that great?”

Me: “Fantastic!” *holding the phone to the side as if I was shouting to someone else* “Hey, Christina! Guess what! We just won 10 million € in the lottery! Get dressed, we’re going out! And we’re getting that necklace! And the ring! What? Who cares about the price! We’re millionaires now!” *back on the phone* “Man, this is so great! We can finally get a car and move out of this dump! You just made my life!”

Scammer: *click*

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