All Roads Lead To Hope

| Working | July 18, 2012

(This is a story my dad has told often. It happened back in the 70s.)

Telemarketer: “Congratulations, sir. You have been selected for our contest. If you can answer one skill testing question, you’ll win a prize. Are you in?”

My Dad: “Sure.”

Telemarketer: “Okay. I’ll give you four letters. Unscramble them to reveal the name of a well known American comedian. First name is Bob. Okay? E, O, H, P.”

My Dad: “Bob Hope?”

Telemarketer: “Congratulations! You’ve won a month’s worth of free lessons at [local dance studio]!”

My Dad: “No, thank you.”

(A few days later, he gets a call again. Clearly, they’ve forgotten to cross him off their list because they give the same contest and question. Dad, however, decides to have a little fun.)

My Dad: “Is it Bob Pohe?”

Telemarketer: “No, sir. Would you like to try again?”

My Dad: “Oh, sure. Is it Bob Hepo?”

(Dad goes through every combination he can think of except the correct answer. Eventually, the telemarketer gives up.)

Telemarketer: “Sorry, sir. We do, however, have a consolation prize. You get a month of free dance lessons at [local dance studio]!”

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Ron Paul Retribution

| Working | May 25, 2012

(I used to be a volunteer for Ron Paul, but I missed the deadline to switch party registrations and vote in the Republican Primary because I was having brain surgery. On Election Day, they call me.)

Caller: “Is [my name] there?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Caller: “Hi. I’m calling with the Ron Paul campaign. Have you voted yet today?”

Me: “Sorry, I missed the deadline to switch parties because I was having brain surgery.”

Caller: “If you’re going to make excuses for not voting, make it something not so serious!”

Me: “No, really. That’s my excuse. I was having brain surgery to remove a benign tumor and the deadline came and went. So, I’m still a Democrat.”

Caller: “It would have been easy to fill out a little form.”

Me: “I had a lot on my plate, okay?”

Caller: “You’re not a very good Ron Paul supporter, are you?”

Me: *click*

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The Pay’s Okay, But The Bosses Are A Real Chore

| Working | May 13, 2012

(I am a minor, but I love answering the phone in my house, and therefore often talk with many telemarketers. This one, though, takes the cake for strangest call.)

Caller: “Yes, this is [name] from [home security company]. I’d just like to ask a few questions about your home to get a better understanding of the systems that are or should be used in your area. Are you over 18 years of age?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t catch that. Are you over 18 years of age?”

Me: *loudly and clearly* “NO.”

Caller: *still not understanding* “Alright, and what has your economic situation been in the past month?”

Me: “Well, my allowance went up five dollars!”

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Why Don’t You Lead By Example

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I’ve made a call to a business and have reached the owner of the shop. I’ve given him a short description of the health and safety training we offer for his employees.)

Boss: “Health? Safety? I wouldn’t care if all my employees died today!”

Me: “Uh…okay. Thank you for your time.” *hangs up*

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Ben There, Done That

| Right | April 19, 2011

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, ma’am. My name is Ben. I’m calling to tell you about our special offer that–”

Customer: “Who is this?”

Me: “Ben, ma’am.”

Customer: “Ben? Hey, everyone, Ben is on the phone. Ben, are you still having dinner with us tonight?”

Me: “I think you mean a different Ben, ma’am. I’m a telemarketer.”

Customer: “So you’re not in California?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m in Oklahoma.”

Customer: “Well, okay. I’ve got to keep the line clear for the right Ben.”

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