I’d Say That Definitely Counts As Being Mis-Sold

, , , , | Working | August 30, 2017

(In the UK, there was a massive incident of Payment Protection Insurance [PPI] being mis-sold between 1997 and 1999. As such, when the information was first released, there were a lot of cold callers offering to get this money back – in most cases, a scam. After several years, it petered out. Recently, the deadline to claim it back is coming up, resulting in more calls. I get a call on my mobile from a number I don’t know, but it is a landline so I answer it, though I am suspicious.)

Caller: “Good evening, Miss, how are you?”

(Immediately I know it’s a spam call)

Me: “Who are you?”

Caller: “My name is [Name] and I am calling from [Financial Company]. I believe you are [Male version of my name]?”

Me: “It’s [Female Version]. What do you want?”

Caller: “I am calling because I believe you have been mis-sold Payment Protection Insurance. I want to help you claim it back.”

Me: “No. I’ve not been mis-sold PPI.”

Caller: “Are you sure? You may have been sold it without knowing if you took out a loan between 1997 and ‘99.”

Me: “Definitely sure.”

Caller: “How can you be so sure?”

Me: “I was six. Bit of a risk lending to a six year old.”

(He hung up.)

Making Yourself The Winner Every Time

, , , | Working | August 28, 2017

(For a period of time, I keep getting repeated phone calls from gambling companies. They tell me that I have participated but won nothing, so they want to put me into a special drawing with a higher chance, or that my participation is about to end and I need to choose to continue or drop out. Note that I have never participated in anything. I get tired of this and start to mess with them. Note that I usually recognize them by their phone numbers.)

Me: “[Lottery] customer care, my name is David, how can I help you?”

Scammer: “Hello, this is [Gambling Company], am I talking to [My Name]?”

Me: “No, this is David from [Lottery] customer care. Are you inquiring about our new program? We guarantee a 90% win chance of at least 100€ if you participate for at least three months at 60€ per month.”

Scammer: *click*

 


 

Scammer: *does a standard spiel about me participating and so on*

Me: “First of all, I did not participate in…”

Scammer: “What did you participate in?” *Note that she uses “du”, a personal form of address which is usually reserved for family members and friends.*

Me: “For one thing, I’d appreciate you calling me ‘sie’ (formal form of address which would be appropriate) instead of ‘du’. Also…”

Scammer: “Who cares what I call you, you a**h***? Get lost, you…” *click*

Me: “Oy…”

 


 

Scammer: “Greetings, I’m calling on behalf of…”

Me: “SARAH! Is that you?!? Where have you been?!? We’ve been worried sick! You are so grounded, young lady!”

Scammer: “Uh… hello? This is not Sarah, this is…”

Me: “Wait, Michael, is that you?!? I told you I don’t want you around my daughter! She’s only 15! If she is not home within the hour, I will call the police and have your a** arrested for child molestation!”

Scammer: “No, I’m just… f*** this!” *click*

 


 

(I decide to try something I read on NotAlwaysRight.)

Me: *in a childish voice* “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello? Who am I talking to?”

Me: “Tommy.”

Scammer: “Hello, Tommy, are your parents home?”

Me: “Daddy’s at work.”

Scammer: “And your mommy?”

Me: “She’s in the bedroom.”

Scammer: “I would like to talk to her.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll get her.”

(I wait for a moment.)

Me: “She’s in the bedroom with Mr. Meier, our neighbor. The door’s locked and they’re making funny noises.”

Scammer: “… call your daddy and tell him. That w**** deserves it!” *click*

 


 

Scammer: “Hello, I’m [Name], calling on behalf of [Gambling Company]. Am I talking to [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Scammer: “Mr. [My Name], I have great news for you! You participated in [Lottery] and your name was drawn! You are eligible for prizes of up to 10 million €!”

Me: “What! Really?!?”

Scammer: “Yes! Isn’t that great?”

Me: “Fantastic!” *holding the phone to the side as if I was shouting to someone else* “Hey, Christina! Guess what! We just won 10 million € in the lottery! Get dressed, we’re going out! And we’re getting that necklace! And the ring! What? Who cares about the price! We’re millionaires now!” *back on the phone* “Man, this is so great! We can finally get a car and move out of this dump! You just made my life!”

Scammer: *click*

A Hot Slice Of Victory

, , | Working | August 22, 2017

(Telemarketers keep calling and asking for my sister, whose name is similar to Michael and not foreign. On the third call I decide to mess with the telemarketer.)

Telemarketer: “Hello, is this Michael?”

Me: “Yeah, Michael’s here. I’m his manager, here at GM Pizza. While you’re waiting for him, let me tell you about our special. We can do home delivery and you’ll get a free can of whoop-a—”

Telemarketer: *click*

Discourteous For The Dead

, | ME, USA | Working | July 29, 2017

(My grandmother passed away last year, and I have been living in her house temporarily for the past few months. Her phone number must have been a hot target for scammers and telemarketers because I still get multiple calls weekly from unknown numbers asking to speak to her. I usually respond with “She doesn’t live here anymore,” to avoid any awkwardness, and that’s usually enough to get them to go away. Then, there was this caller…)

Caller: “Hello, this is a courtesy call. Can I please speak to [Grandmother]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, she doesn’t live here anymore.”

Caller: “Okay, well this is a courtesy call for [Grandmother]. Is she the homeowner?”

Me: “No, she—”

Caller: “This is [impressively bad mispronunciation of my street address], correct?”

Me: “Yes…”

Caller: “Okay, please let me speak to the homeowner, [Grandmother].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but [Grandmother] actually passed away almost a year ago.”

(At this point, I was expecting a surprised tone, shocked silence, or maybe even an apology, but the caller didn’t miss a beat.)

Caller: “Then can I speak to [Grandfather], [Grandmother]’s husband? Again, this is a courtesy call.”

Me: “That would be difficult, as he passed away twelve years ago now.”

Caller: *again, without missing a beat* “Okay, I’ll try again later. This is just a courtesy call.” *click*

(She has yet to call back. That was the least courteous “courtesy call” I have ever received!)

This Is All The High You Need

| London, England, UK | Working | July 11, 2017

(A compensation agency just called the house and I happen to pick up the phone. I am a 16-year-old schoolgirl who doesn’t do drugs, has never been in a car accident, and cannot drive.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, I am calling from accident helpline in England.”

Me: “Oh, yes? About what?”

Caller: “You had a car accident recently, correct?”

Me: “Yes, actually, I did.”

Caller: “How long ago was this accident? It was recently, yes?”

Me: “Oh, yes. Yes, I had a car accident very recently.”

Caller: “And you were alone in the car?”

Me: “Yes, I was alone driving my car.”

Caller: “Okay, well you had this accident and it wasn’t your fault.”

Me: “Well, I can’t really say it wasn’t my fault. I took the cocaine. No one forced me.”

Caller: “…what?”

Me: “I took the cocaine.”

Caller: “Oh, Jesus.” *hangs up*

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