Unfiltered Story #157534

, , , | | Unfiltered | July 11, 2019

Since When Are Lifeless Objects Living Beings?

Knowledge. In some areas you have it, in others you don’t. I happen to know a great deal about sports trivia. One topic I know virtually nothing about, however, is jewelry. This was never more evident than one winter evening early in 1994 when I experienced one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
Employed by a large company – Suarez Corporation in North Canton, Ohio – in which jewelry was one of its many products, my job was to sell it over the telephone to people across the country who’d purchased jewelry from the firm in the past. After a few weeks on the job, I wasn’t exactly burning the sales charts. In fact, I was probably at, or near, the bottom of the totem pole. I had yet to embarrass myself, though – at least until that one particular evening when I gave the expression “embarrassing moment” new meaning, turned it into an art form, brought it to a higher level.
As always, I received a stack of index cards when the shift began. Each card had the name of the customer and other pertinent information needed to make the call and attempt the sale, such as the patron’s phone number, address, and product(s) he or she last purchased. About an hour into the shift, I came to a card in which the name read, “Porter, James Barbara.” The last jewelry purchased by the Porters read, “Pin, Onyx Opal.” I dialed the number, and after a few rings a woman answered. “Hello?” she said.
My ensuing reply will forever be etched in my mind and quite likely in hers, too. “Is onyx or opal pin there?” I asked.
There was a brief pause, then a chuckle from the woman. Oh my God. I realized what I’d done. I’d misread the card and mistaken “Onyx” for the husband’s first name, “Opal” for the wife’s, and “Pin” for their last name! I’d asked Mrs. Porter if the pins they last purchased were home! How do I get outta this?
Rather than apologize and make a big to-do of the matter, I quickly interjected, “Is James or Barbara Porter there?”
“This is Barbara Porter,” the woman laughed, obviously on to my bewildering blunder. She didn’t buy. … Shocking, isn’t it?

Moral of the story: Don’t be ignorant.

Choose Between Your Feline Or Machine Overlords

, , , , , | | Working | July 8, 2019

(Inspired by the story of the guy who tells robo-callers, “Say, ‘cheese sandwich,’” I decide to try it out when I get a call for insurance. She honestly does sound like a real person so I am a little nervous.)

Robot: “Hello! I would like to talk to you about your car insurance.”

Me: “I already have car insurance.”

Robot: “I’m not going to ask you to change it; I just want to give you options. We work with…”

(As she begins to list different companies, my cat comes up to snuggle and I get an idea.)

Me: “Oh, hey, my cat is here. Did you want to say hello? He’s really friendly.”

Robot: “I’m sorry? I didn’t quite catch that.”

Me: “My cat is here. Would you like to say hi to him?”

Robot: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “All right. Say, ‘Hello, Linden.’”

Robot: *silence*

Me: “Say, ‘Hello, Linden.’”

Robot: “Okay! I will put you on the do-not-call list.” *click*

(Fairly certain that was a robot, but still…)

This Caller Has Been Band

, , , , , | Working | March 6, 2019

I am in my university’s marching band and am in the middle of an indoor practice. There are close to four hundred of us in the band so it can get pretty loud.

I have my phone out on my music stand and notice that an unfamiliar number, similar to ones that have been telemarketers in the past, is calling me in the middle of a song.

During a rest, I hit the answer button, and then go back to playing my part. After a few seconds on the line, the telemarketer hangs up.

The Only Answer I Have For You Is Nope

, , | Working | November 13, 2018

(We are a single location in a group of restaurants around the valley that are still family-owned with a headquarters. Our owner is only active in visiting the restaurants and guests every week. His children have taken over everything else. We get solicitor callers every now and again, and they always ask for the owner.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Solicitor: “Hello, my name is [Solicitor] from [Random Business]. Is [Owner] available?”

Me: “He is not available, and we are not interested today, thank you.”

Solicitor: “Oh, okay. So, do you know if he’ll be available tomorrow, since you apparently have all the answers?!”

Me: “Nope, not interested. Have a good day.”

Whistle While They Telework

, , , , | Related | October 24, 2018

(I am visiting my grandparents when they get a call from a random number.)

Grandpa: “Hey, [Grandma], it’s a telemarketer! Watch this, Squirt.”

Grandma: “Hello?” *pause* “No, thank you. I’m not interested. Could you please take me off your calling list?” *pause* “I said I’m not interested. Don’t make me repeat myself again. Take me off your list.”

(The person on the other side of the phone says something else. My grandmother calmly pulls a whistle out of her purse, puts it to her lips, and blows it as hard and loud as she can into the phone. She’s across the room from me and I have to cover my ears. She holds it for a solid fifteen seconds before she runs out of breath. I can hear the person on the other end start to yell something, but before they can form a sentence she gets her breath back and goes in for a second round. This time the caller hangs up within a few seconds and my grandmother gives a satisfied nod.)

Me: “I can’t believe you just did that! Your daughter used to be a telemarketer. Wouldn’t you feel awful if someone did that to her?”

Grandmother: “Where do you think we got the idea from? She said someone did that to her once and she had them marked down as ‘do not call’ right away so she would never have to call them again!”

(I don’t know whether their method works or not, but it’s become one of their favorite pastimes.)

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