It is Halloween night, and a group of teenagers is buying a lot of toilet paper.

Me: “Is this for some kind of trick for a house that doesn’t give out good candies?”

Teenager: “What? Oh! Crap! I didn’t even think how this would look! No, this is for my younger brother.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

The teen calls over a boy who I didn’t notice. He looks about seven years old, and he has his arm in a cast, so I am assuming the bone is broken.

Teenager: “This is my little brother. He was sad about having a broken arm at Halloween, but we’re going to make him a mummy and use the paper as extensions of his cast so it all looks the same.”

Me: “Oh, that’s so cool! But the TP might not be strong enough for that. You might be better off using medical bandages.”

Teenager: “Oh! We saw those, but they were a bit expensive.”

Me: “I think they’re on discount, and it’ll match the color of the cast better! Aisle twelve — go get some.” 

The teenagers rushed off to go fetch some, I applied the “discount” (which was my staff discount), and the teens rushed off to turn the little guy into a terrifying mummy. I hope they got lots of candy!

It’s Halloween, at about 10:00 pm, and I’ve still got several of the treat packets I made up still left. I get a knock at the door, and I’m greeted by four lads around fifteen or sixteen, wearing cheap masks most likely from the local pound shop.

Lads: “Trick or treat!”

Me: “Um, I don’t think you guys will like the treats I’ve got.”

I’m honest with them, hoping to avoid my windows being egged or causing enough of a disturbance to disrupt my toddler asleep upstairs.

Lad #1: “What ya got?”

I grab the bag and open it to show them.

Me: “A small packet of sweets with a Freddo, popping candy eyeball, mini pack of Haribo, and a bubble wand.”

Freddos are chocolate, and Haribo is gummy candy.

Lad #2: “Bubble wands?”

One of the lads pushes past to look in the bag.

Lad #3: “Bubble wands? Are you serious?”

Before I can do anything, the lad shoves his hand in the bag and draws out a bubble wand, holding it high in the air like he just pulled the sword from the stone.

Lad #3: “JACKPOT!”

I stand there in shock as they gleefully take the wands, opening them and wafting them around, filling the street with bubbles.

Lad #3: “Thank you!”

Lad #2: “Epic, man!”

Lad #1: “Nice one!”

They waved as they walked down the street, still making bubbles, talking, and laughing. I’m still in shock, but I certainly hope I see them again next year!

I work for a small restaurant. We just had a number of teens and adults come in for food while dressed up in Halloween costumes, presumably headed for some sort of party or event.

Eventually, one older teen wearing a Princess Bride costume came up to me.

Teen: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You grilled for my uncle. Prepare to sigh.”

Me: “Huh?”

Teen: “Sorry, I just couldn’t resist. My uncle is complaining that his burger isn’t cooked enough. Honestly, I think he’s just imagining it, but it’s probably best to humor him and get him something else so you don’t have to deal with him. He’s a handful. Sorry.”

Me: “As you wish.”

I am a male, working in a large unisex clothing store. I am currently restocking our female jeans section. A group of younger customers and their mother seem to be having trouble figuring out what all the different cuts mean.

Me: “Hi. I can help if you’re trying to figure out what our names for the different cuts of jeans mean.”

Younger Customer #1: “Eww, no thanks.”

Customer’s Mother: *To her daughter* “Don’t be so rude!” *To me* “Thank you for your help. When it says ‘skinny-fit’, what does that mean?”

Younger Customer #2: “Ha! Like he would know anything about being skinny.”

Yes, I am fat. And yes, I am used to people pointing it out.

Customer’s Mother: *To both her daughters* “Seriously! What’s gotten into you two?!”

Younger Customer #1: “Seriously, Mom, look at him. He’s got boobs!”

Customer’s Mother: “And what? Are you jealous?”

With that, both girls turn bright red and immediately shut up.

Customer’s Mother: “That’s it. I’m leaving. Your dad can have you for the rest of the weekend, and you both just lost your new summer wardrobes. It’s obviously him you’ve been getting this obnoxious sass from.”

The mother winks at me as she leaves the teens behind. 

Customer’s Mother: “You look wonderful, my dear!”

This story is part of the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2023 roundup!

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A younger teen is deliberately ruining one of our displays. My manager, an older guy who gives absolutely no f***s, steps over to him.

Manager: “Excuse me, young man, but could you stop that? It takes a lot of time to make these displays and—”

Teen: “Whatever, old man. I’m the customer.”

Manager: “Well, no, you’re loitering and being a disturbance, so I can ask you to leave.”

Teen: “F*** you, old man. You’re not my dad.”

Manager: “Well, I don’t know. Let me see a picture of your mom.”

The teen was so stunned by the quick comeback that he actually left!

This story is part of the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2023 roundup!

Read the next roundup story!

Read the roundup!