This story is from the late 1970s when I was about eighteen or nineteen years old. This was long before you could check on movie schedules and showtimes online. I called the movie theater one afternoon to check the start times for movies for that evening. Each time I called, I got a busy signal, which was a bit unusual, especially for mid-afternoon on a weekday. I’d wait a minute or two and try again. Still getting a busy signal, I tried waiting a few minutes between tries but still got a busy signal.

Finally, after a good twenty minutes and more than a dozen attempts, I tried yet again. I got a busy signal, but this time only for a second or two. Then, I heard a click, and I found myself connected to a call between what sounded like two teenage girls just chatting on the phone, one of whom was working at the theater. I sat there, at first surprised at this glitch that somehow tied me into an existing phone call, and then fuming that this girl had spent who knows how long holding up the phone line from customers like me by chatting with her friend.

I listened in for a few seconds and heard this mundane conversation.

Theater Teen: “Yeah, I’m on until the last movie starts tonight, and then I’ll be off, probably a little after ten.”

Other Teen: “Geez, that makes a for a long day. Does [Friend] still work with you there?”

Theater Teen: “No, she left here almost two weeks ago. She got a job at that dress store at the mall. She just started last week. She loves it because gets, like, a really big employee discount!”

Other Teen: “Man, I should try that. I spend so much on clothes; I could use a discount!”

Theater Teen: “Oh, you don’t need to tell me! I spend half my check on clothes and makeup and stuff! So, what else is new?”

Other Teen: “Oh, not much. I have stinkin’ ton of homework to get through tonight, though. Every teacher just piled on their own homework. Don’t they ever consider that other teachers give homework, too? My God!”

Theater Teen: “Yeah, I know, like they’re the only teacher who gives out homework.”

At that point, I’m aggravated that I couldn’t get through to the theater for the past tenty minutes because of THIS. So, I decide to have a little fun. I put on my best “manager voice”.

Me: “Young lady, are you on that phone again holding up the lines? You march yourself into my office right this instant!”

Theater Teen: “Oh, Mr. Jones, ah, I’m, ah, sorry! I’ll be right there.”

Other Teen: “Oh, my gawd, I hope you’re not in too much trouble! Oh, s***! Call me later!”

Theater Teen: “Oh, no, I… I don’t know. I thought he was busy checking the theaters out! Crap! I’d better go!”

They hung up, and I started laughing for a few minutes before I called back. A guy answered the phone this time, and I found out the times in just a minute. Nasty little trick, I know, but hey, I got her off the d*** phone!

Lesson learned, I hope!

A group of teens has been observed stealing items several times now. We had to go back through security footage to confirm, but we now have enough evidence to confront them the next time they come in.

Today, the same group is in, and I am keeping a close eye on them.

Teen #1: “Hey, man! Why are you following us?”

Teen #2: “Yeah, what’s your problem? You think we’re gonna steal?”

Me: “Yes, actually, considering that last week you stole a shirt, and the week before that you stole a large bag of M&Ms.”

Teen #1: “That’s a lie! We didn’t steal nothing!”

Teen #2: “Yeah, you can’t prove anything!”

Me: “Well then, I will just observe, just in case.

Teen #1: “Ha! Well, the joke’s on you! I was actually gonna pay this time!”

Me: *Eyebrow raised* “This time?”

Both teen’s smiles dropped. [Teen #2] slapped [Teen #1] upside his head before they stormed out. They haven’t been back since.

I used to work as a store manager in a video game retail store. In addition to video games, we also sold various types of apparel and knickknacks. This story takes place two weeks before the store is set to permanently close.

A few kids come into the store soon before closing time. They start to wander around the store, poking at things. These kids had given me trouble before, so I keep an eye on them as I continue restocking. As I’m putting some apparel out and fixing the displays, I notice one of the kids reach up to pick up a Wonder Woman beanie, put it on, and rip off the tag. I grab the tag and hold onto it as I restock.

Closing time comes and goes, and the kids are still wandering. I’ve got work to do, so I don’t say anything. Then, all five of these teenagers make their way toward the door, one of them still wearing the beanie. I decide to say something.

Me: “Hey, guys, see anything you like?”

Teenagers: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Did you want to buy that beanie before you go?”

Kid With Beanie On: “What are you talking about? I came in with this.”

I hold up the tag for the beanie in question.

Me: “My dude, I saw you take it off the rack, put it on, and take the tag off. At this time, I’m going to have to ask you to leave my store.”

The kid throws the beanie down on the ground and stomps off.

Other Kids: “Oh, we weren’t with him.”

Me: “Yeah, you were just walking alongside him and joking with him the entire time. You all leave, too.”

Other Kids: “You can’t do this; we’re calling the police!”

I worked for that retailer for ten years, five of them in management. I never had to throw people out except for those last two weeks before the store shut down.

I was traveling with family from Italy to the USA to visit some relatives. I was fourteen, and my grasp of English was fair, but I believed myself to be the Grand Champion of the English Language.

I was disabused of that notion when I went to have breakfast with a cousin at a local cafè. The menu was nothing I had never seen before, but there was an item, “latte”, that caught my attention. So, I confidently went to the counter to get some.

Me: “I’d like to have one cold latte, please.”

Barista: “Sure, would you like to have it iced or just chilled?”

Me: “Uh… I’d like it cold. Like, straight out of the fridge cold.”

Barista: “All right.”

I order a slice of cake to go with it before paying and leaving my name so to be called up. I passed time chatting with my cousin, and then my name was announced. Picking up the tray, I saw there was a slice of cake, all right… and a cup full of milky coffee.

Me: “No, wait, are you sure this is my order?”

Barista: “You ordered a chilled latte and cake, didn’t you?”

Me: “Yeah, but you gave me stained coffee instead of latte.”

Barista: “Wait, stained coffee? This looks perfectly fine to me.”

Me: “It looks like coffee, yes, but I asked for a latte — milk. I don’t like coffee at all.”

Barista: “Are you trying to prank me or what?”

Apparently, this had gone on long enough that my cousin had left the table.

Cousin: *In Italian* “[My Name], what are you doing? Why is it taking you so long?”

Me: *In Italian, as well* “This guy is telling me this is milk when it clearly isn’t. Don’t y’all drink straight milk around here?”

Cousin: *Facepalming* “Hang on, I’ll tell you later.” *Switching to English* “Forgive him; he didn’t know the menu. Don’t make my coffee. I’ll take this for myself.”

Then we went back to the table.

Me: “So, where exactly did I screw up?”

Cousin: “You asked for a latte. But that doesn’t mean ‘milk’ in English.”

Me: “Wait, then what does it mean? ‘Whatever the man behind the counter feels like’, or what?”

Cousin: *Groaning* “It means ‘coffee with milk’, you narrow-minded moron.”

I must admit it took me all my strength not to punch him for being condescending, but in hindsight, I see where he was coming from with that comment. I still don’t like coffee, but at least now I ask for actual milk in cafés in English-speaking countries!

Related:
This Customer Has A Latte Problems, Part 4
This Customer Has A Latte Problems, Part 3
This Customer Has A Latte Problems, Part 2
This Customer Has A Latte Problems

A customer in her late teens or early twenties and a woman who I assume is her mother are in the store.

Customer: *To her mom* “It gets colder in Europe because it’s further from the sun. I need a thicker jacket.”

Customer’s Mom: “Let’s ask if they have winter jackets.”

Customer: “Oh, Europe has a winter, too?”

Customer’s Mom: “Uh… are you serious, dear?”

Customer: “I thought America invented the seasons, so why would we let Europe have them?”

Customer’s Mom: “Have you been watching the news with your father again?”

Customer: “News? Ugh, so gross.”

The customer comes over to me.

Customer: “I need a jacket for Europe.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Will it just be for casual walking through a city, or are you going to be outdoors a lot?”

Customer: “I’m gonna be drinking!”

Customer’s Mom: “No, dear, you’re not.”

Customer: “Yeah, I am! The legal drinking age is younger there!”

Customer’s Mom: “It might be, but you’re still on a school trip, so they’re not allowing the students who have turned eighteen to drink. I signed the permission slip that said as much.”

Customer: “I’m an adult! They can’t stop me!”

Customer’s Mom: “Maybe, but then they’ll lose their insurance and I’ll be fined, which means you’ll be fined. The places you’re going to will know not to serve alcohol to the American students.”

Customer: “I won’t tell them I’m American. I’m more Amazonian, anyway.”

Customer’s Mom: “No, dear, you’re Arizonian.”

Customer: “Whatever, geology is for mids.”

Customer’s Mom: “Just stop.” 

Related:
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 14
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 13
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 12
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 11
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 10