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Deceptive Desserts

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.”

Me: “Oh, sure. What’s the matter?”

Customer: “I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!”

Me: “Um, ma’am. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.”

Customer: “Prove it! Show me this cake.”

Me: *points*

Customer: “Oh. In that case, you should write a letter to the internet about how they’re making up rumors about your products.”

Me: “I’ll… I’ll do that. Thank you.”

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You Say Vacation, I Say D**nation

, , , , , , | Right | March 13, 2009

Me: “Do you need some help?”

Young Teen: “Yes, I’m looking for a book on a country.”

Me: “Do you want a travel guide or a book about the history of the country?

Young Teen: “A travel guide, I guess. It’s for school.”

Me: “Okay, then. Where would you like a travel guide to?”

Young Teen: “Hades.”

Me: “…you mean, Haiti?”

Young Teen: “Yeah, I guess that’s the way we say it here.”


This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

Read the next Terrible At Geography roundup story!

Read the 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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That Hot Tub Had Better Be Filled With Spermicide

, , , , , | Right | February 17, 2009

(A woman comes in walking with her daughter trailing behind her and cuts in front on several people.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but someone here yesterday told my 15-year-old daughter she was pregnant and I would like to complain.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can straighten this out. If you wouldn’t mind waiting in line, these people were–”

Customer: “This won’t take long. I just need you to apologize for lying!”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t diagnose your daughter so if–”

Customer: “She can’t be pregnant; she’s 15 AND a virgin. She’s waiting until marriage so unless this is the immaculate conception, I’m going to need an apology.”

Me: “Ma’am, like I said, I did not personally–”

Customer: “How hard is it to get an apology here!? YOU CANNOT JUST GO AROUND TELLING YOUNG GIRLS THEY ARE PREGNANT! THIS IS WHY THE TEEN PREGNANCY RATES ARE SO HIGH, YOU KNOW!

Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t quite work like that. Now, if you could just–”

Customer: “All I want is an apology. My daughter has been traumatized!”

Me: “Fine, I’ll call the doctor and I’ll see if he can speak to you for a moment.”

Customer: “Tell him to get his butt down here right away, too. My daughter had to leave her boyfriend in the hot tub!”

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Let He Who Is Strongest Make My Latte

, , , | Right | December 17, 2008

(A perky old lady walks up and orders a drink. A staff member makes the drink, and I hand it to her.)

Customer: *disdainfully* “What is THIS?”

Me: “Umm… a drink?”

Customer: “‘A drink’? Don’t get smart with me! *pointing towards a staff member* “That greasy teen filled my order! I demand somebody else fill it! One who’s NOT greasy!”

(I am dumb-founded, but decide to line up all the employees in front of her for review — it was a slow day.)

Me: “Which of these do you find acceptable?”

Customer: *looks for a few minutes* “NONE! Maybe if you didn’t have so much fast food, you wouldn’t be so greasy!” *continues to “browse” through the line-up*

Coworker: *speaking up* “Hey, lady, hurry up! You ain’t picking no gladiators!”

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Bagging For Trouble

, , , , , | Right | October 20, 2008

(I was standing in line behind a group of girls who had bought a pack of pencils.)

First Girl: “Can we get a bag?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, I’ve already given you one. I’m afraid I can’t give you another.”

Second Girl: “Why not? The woman ahead of us got three bags!”

Cashier: “Yes, and all three of them were full. I can’t give you another bag.”

First Girl: “That is bull-s***! You gave her all those bags and can’t fork over one more for me?! ”

Cashier: “I’m sorry… no, I can’t. She needed the bags for the items she purchased. ”

(The third girl grabs a pack of gum and throws it on the counter.)

Third Girl: “Fine. If we get this, can we get another bag?”

Cashier: “No, you can fit that in your first bag. There are other customers wait–”

First Girl: “F*** you! You’re just doin’ this ‘cuz we’re teenagers! This is age discrimination!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but–”

Second Girl: “We want to see your manager!”

Cashier: “I need to help other customers in line. I’m sorry I can’t–”

First Girl: “You need to help me, b****! I’m asking you for a bag!”

Cashier: “Store policy is–”

Second Girl: “We don’t give a s*** about your store policy! Just give us a d***ed bag!”

(I was in a hurry and by this time I just wanted to get out. Figuring any plastic bag would do, I emptied one that I had already.)

Me: *to the girls* “Here, you can have this one. I don’t need it.”

Third Girl: “Excuse me? Did I ask YOU for help?”

Me: “No, but if it’s a plastic bag you want, I honestly don’t need it.”

Second Girl: “Would you mind your own business?”

Elderly Woman Behind Me: “Jumping Jesus, young lady, it’s a plastic bag! You could find one in a garbage can if you wanted it that badly!”

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