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How To Get Yourself Crucified

, , , , , | Related | April 16, 2012

(My nineteen-year-old daughter is home for Easter. After church, she’s talking to the pastor about what is nice about coming home for holidays.)

Pastor: “But we all know the best reason for Easter.”

Daughter: “Real food and peeps?”

(The Pastor stares blankly.)

Daughter: “Uh… or Jesus returning from the dead?”

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Numbers Don’t Lie

, , , , , , , | Right | November 29, 2011

(I’m a checkout assistant at a supermarket, working the night of Halloween. A teenager and his girlfriend come to the checkout at about eight pm with three dozen eggs.)

Me: “You’re not the ones who have been egging people in the carpark, are you?”

Customer: “Uh, no. We, um, just want to make an omelette.”

Me: “You’re making a thirty-six egg omelette? How big is your frying pan?”

Customer: “S***.” *runs out of the store*


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3

, , , , , , | Right | May 20, 2011

Customer: “Hello, do you have any of the new Twilight books?”

Me: “Yes, they’re over here.”

(I lead her to where they would be, but we appear to be sold out. This is strange as all copies were put up this morning.)

Me: “That’s strange. We seem to be out of stock. Can I interest you in anything else?”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. What about this one?”

(They point towards ‘Harry Potter’.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a great book! It’s about a boy who becomes a wizard and-”

Customer: “Are there any werewolves?”

Me: “I think so. I haven’t read them in a while.”

(The customer grabs the entire series of ‘Harry Potter’ and leaves. As I’m about to return to my workstation, two teens run up to me, high-five each other, and tell me they hid all seventy copies of ‘Twilight’ in the ceiling when no one was looking. Although impressed, I have to report them to my manager. After doing so, my manager gives them each a $10 gift card.)

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This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Her

, , , , , | Right | May 12, 2011

(A young girl comes up to the counter to purchase cigarettes.)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

(The customer sticks out her arm, revealing a very poorly done tattoo.)

Customer: “See, I am 18. I have a tattoo. You have to be 18 to get one.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not an acceptable form of ID. I can’t sell you these unless you have a state-approved ID.”

Customer: “So I got this crappy tattoo for nothing? My friend said I could use it to get cigarettes!”


This story is part of our Tattoo roundup!

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Between The Teen Computer Screen

, , , | Right | April 24, 2011

Me: *via online chat* “It’s just the date of birth that doesn’t match on your account. But I have the correct account pulled up here.”

Customer: “Maybe if I tried to make the account when I was very young, I might have claimed to be eighteen at the time. But the month and day would still be the same!”

Me: “…I see.”

Customer: “Yes. I know it was very wrong of teenager-me to claim to be an adult. However, I can hardly ground her at this point.”


This story is part of our online shopping roundup!

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