Trouble Brewing, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | May 5, 2010

(An obviously underage girl sets a 12-pack of beer on the counter.)

Me: “Hi, how’s it going? Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: *checks date of birth on the ID.* “Uhh, ma’am? This says you’re only 17. I can’t sell you the beer.”

Customer: “What! Let me see that!” *checks ID* “D*** it! I gave you the wrong one. Well, can I buy a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

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Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Maps

, , , , , | Right | April 17, 2010

(Two customers are in my line to buy some bottle water. I can clearly tell from their accents that they are from another country.)

Me: “That will be five dollars, please. And may I ask where are you from?”

Customer: “Sure, mate. We are from Scotland.”

Me: “Oh, nice. I hope you enjoy your visit to America–”

(A teenage kid nearby overhears us and interrupts.)

Teenage Kid: “You better, seeing how we saved your a** in the Korean War!” *storms off*

(My two customers exchange glances, shake their heads, and look back at me)

Customer: “I love America.”

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The Twilight Of Our Literacy

, , , , | Right | April 16, 2010

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m going on a 25-hour plane ride, and I was just trying to find something to read.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of books do you read?”

Customer: “Young adult stuff, like romance stuff. OH! Or something with vampires.”

(I walk her over to the young adult section, and show her a series with vampires. There are six books in the series and each book is quite small, not even 200 pages.)

Me: “Well, you might like this series. They’re easy books to read, but really good. I’ve read them.”

Customer: *flips through book* “It seems boring.”

Me: “Oh. Well, I can assure you it’s not.  They are quite action-packed.”

Customer: “I mean it looks wordy. Like, there’s a lot of words in it.”

Me: “Well, yeah… most books have words in them.”

Customer: “Hmm… I’ll think about it.”

(She ended up buying three teen magazines.)


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We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2010

(At the front of our store is a bin full of loose fantasy figurines.  One night, two pre-teen boys come in and start rounding up all the fairy princesses they can find, naming each one after p*rn stars. They proceed to stage some pretty graphic stuff with the toys, complete with language and racial slurs.)

Me: “You kids drop those toys, right now! This is a family store, you got it? You either clean your language up or get out of here. NOW!”

(The boys stare at me open-mouthed. One of them squeaks, “Yes, ma’am,” and they both drop the toys and run.)

Coworker:  “Wow! Way to go!”

Me:  “Yeah, you don’t mess with the Toy Store Amazon.”

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Credit X-Rating

, , , | Right | February 11, 2010

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a loan. What do I need to do?”

(I take her information over the phone and tell her that after I review it I will give her a call back with any questions that I have. The customer calls back 10 minutes later.)

Me: “I’m sorry Ms. [Customer]. I have not been able to completely finish, but so far it looks like we would not be able to proceed with the loan.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “From what it looks like, there are quite a few collections from [adult subscriptions] and [p*rn site subscriptions] that are dropping your score.”

Customer: “That cannot be! I would know if I had wanted things like that!”

Me: “From your application, I notice that you also have a teenage son that lives with you.”

Customer: “D***! I knew that it was too good of him to get the mail for me!” *click*

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