Finding Emo

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2010

(At my theater our uniforms are all black. I am tearing tickets when two teenage girls walk up. They are looking around very confused.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: *looking lost* “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: Oh! We thought you were just goth.”

1 Thumbs
1,977

Ordering Pizza, Talking Baloney

, , , , , | Right | August 30, 2010

(I am a lunch lady at a high school, and one of the students there is going to be leaving for a trip to Italy soon.)

Me: “What kind of pizza would you like?”

Student: “One pepperoni, one cheese.”

Me: “So are you excited to spend two months in Italy?”

Student: “Yeah, but I’m really going to miss all the good food here at school. Especially pizza.”

Me: “But you’ll be in Italy right? So you can have pizza there.”

Student: “Yeah but it won’t be authentic pizza from America. It’ll just be cheap Italian knock-offs.”

1 Thumbs
4,256

How To Kill ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’

, , , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2010

(A teenage girl and her mother enter the store and walk over to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you with something?”

Teen: “Yeah, like, do you have, like, To Kill a Mockingbird?”

Me: “Yes, we do. If you could follow me, please.”

(I lead them to the book’s location, where we have two different copies.)

Teen: “Mom, pick the smaller one!”

Mother: “Honey, you know that doesn’t make the story shorter, right?”

Teen: “Oh.”

1 Thumbs
3,428

Talentless Pool

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2010

(A customer approaches the front desk.)

Customer: “Can I get a large gauze pad and a bandaid? And maybe some ointment, as well?”

Me: “What happened?”

Customer: “My son swam into the pool wall, and he cut his head open.”

Me: “Is he okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, just bleeding. He’s so used to swimming in the ocean with no walls. Poor thing.”

Me: “How old is your son?”

Customer: “19.”

1 Thumbs
3,576

Stupidity Killed The Radio Star

, , , , , | Right | July 8, 2010

(I work at a radio station. This caller is live on the air.)

Me: “Hello! What would you like to hear?”

Teenage Girl:Fireflies!”

Me: “By Owl City?”

Teenage Girl: “Woah! I hear my voice!”

Me: “Yeah, you’re on the air.”

Teenage Girl: “Molly! If you can hear this, I’m so totally sorry about kissing your brother!”

Me: “Uh…”

Teenage Girl: “Are you going to play I Like Big Butts or not?”

1 Thumbs
2,711