Caesar 2: The [Roman] Empire Strikes Back

, , , , , | Right | October 26, 2010

Customer: “Do you carry books by Shakespeare here?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Which play did you need?”

Customer: “The one that sophomores read.” *gestures to the teenager next to her, presumably her daughter*

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s not just one play that sophomores read. Do you happen to know the title, or maybe what it’s about?”

Customer: *loudly* “The-One-That-Sophomores-Read!”

Me: “Well, let’s walk over to the section and see if we can figure it out. A lot of early high school students read A Midsummer Night’s Dream or Romeo & Juliet.”

Daughter: “I think Romeo & Juliet.”

Me: “Great!” *pulls out a copy to hand to her*

Daughter: “I don’t know though.”

Me: “Okay. Well, could it be Hamlet, maybe? Or Julius Caesar?”

Daughter:Julius Caesar? Isn’t that the sequel to Romeo & Juliet?”

1 Thumbs
2,286

Thick Accents, Thicker Heads

, , , | Right | October 19, 2010

(A teenage girl enters the library.)

Me: “Hi, do you need help?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Okay. Are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m here with my mother for the US summer ’cause I live with Dad in Florida.”

Me: “We can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card. The card will cost two dollars.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So, what book were you looking for?”

Customer:Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. It was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.”

Customer: “It’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.”

Me: “Oh, did you leave your copy in America?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents and I wanted to know how that would change the story.”

1 Thumbs
3,125

DJ Freud, Featuring The Oedipus Complexes

, , , , , , , , | Right | October 10, 2010

(I work in the beauty department and a customer comes up to me).

Customer: “I need a face wash for my son that will get rid of the semen on his face.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Are you deaf? He is too oily!”

Me: “You mean sebum?”

(The customer turned the brightest shade of red and ran out the store.)

1 Thumbs
3,120

Bird Brained, Part 7

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2010

(I overhear a group of teenagers talking while looking at the penguin exhibit.)

Teenager #1: “What exactly is a penguin?”

Teenager #2: “Are you that stupid? A penguin is a fish!”

Teenager #3: “No. A penguin is an amphibian. You know, like frogs.”

Teenager #4: “You know, guys, I think penguins are mammals, because they got fur.”

Me: *addressing everybody at exhibit* “The penguin is a unique bird that can ‘fly’ in the water.”

Teenager #2: *after looking at his friends in awe* “I still think it’s a fish.”

1 Thumbs
2,083

Empty Cans, Even Emptier Stomachs

, , , , , | Right | September 20, 2010

(My friends and I are going door-to-door collecting cans for a food drive at our church.)

Me: “Hello, we are collecting cans of food for [Church]. Would you like to donate?”

Teenage Girl: “So you guys take cans. What about pop cans?”

Me: “No, we only take canned foods.”

Teenage Girl: “Are you sure? I have some pop cans I don’t need.”

Me: “No, we only accept canned foods.”

Teenage Girl: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(The girl closes the door and bangs around inside for a couple of minutes. Then she opens the door with a handful of cans.)

Teenage Girl: “Here are the cans. I grabbed some pop cans, too.”

(We look at the cans she gave us, and realize that they are all empty.)

Teenage Girl: *to her mom* “I took out the recycling, Mom!”

1 Thumbs
2,532