It’s the first day for our brand-new office assistant, fresh out of high school, planning to work a year before college (so he said in the interview).

He walks in with his mom trailing behind him.

Boss: “Morning! You must be [New Hire]. And…?”

Mom: “I’m his mother. Just wanted to check the place out.”

Fair enough. Nervous parents happen. But twenty minutes later, she’s still here.

Boss: “Mrs. [Last Name], I’m afraid we can’t have non-employees in the office during work hours.”

Mom: “Oh, I’ll just sit with him at his desk for a little while. I won’t be in the way.”

Boss: “I’m afraid that his trainer (that’s me!) will need to sit there for the next few days. Also, it’s not appropriate.”

Mom: *Annoyed.* “Fine.”

She leaves the office, but we see her loitering around the office lobby. All morning. At lunch, she waves him over, takes him out… and doesn’t bring him back.

After ninety minutes, I’m tasked with calling him to see where he’s gone. He tries to speak, but then his mom takes over the phone.

Mom: “He’s done enough for the day. I needed him home with me for the afternoon!” *Click.*

The boss decides to let it slide. 

Day two… she’s back.

Boss: “Your mom’s in the lobby again.”

New Hire: “…I don’t know how to tell her not to.”

She tries to take him out to lunch again, but the boss tells her he’s busy and will be involved in a work lunch today (a lie). She huffs and puffs but actually leaves the building! Although she’s back two hours later to pick him up and drive him home… a whole hour before he ends his shift.

Day three, the boss takes matters into his own hands:

Boss: “Mrs. [Last Name], this isn’t school. It’s a job. You need to let him work.”

Mom: “I’m just making sure he’s settled in and has the best chance of success.”

Boss: “By behaving the way you are, you’re actually undermining his success. Please leave.”

She huffs.

Mom: “Come on, [Son], we’re going home. This obviously isn’t the right environment for—”

New Hire: “—Mom, I have work to do. I’ll see you at home.”

For the first time, she doesn’t get her way. About thirty minutes later, the cops arrive. The office manager goes out to greet them, and I s*** you not, they say:

Officer: “We got a report of a kidnapping—”

Turns out she told them we’d abducted her “boy.”

The officers find out that the “boy” is eighteen years old, and roll their eyes. When the mother (who has followed the officers into the building) refuses to accept that she’s STILL not getting her way, she gets arrested for wasting police time.

After they leave.

Boss: *To the new hire.* “Do you want to go bail her out? I know it’s your first week, but you can—”

New Hire: “I will… on Friday. I’m going to enjoy some peace for the rest of the week to catch up on work.”

I later found out that [New Hire] told his dad (who lives one state over) about what happened, and he drove over to bail her out on Friday afternoon.

[New Hire] lasted the whole year as planned, and we never saw his helicopter mom ever again.

My mom and my aunt are sitting on the couch, chatting while I, a teenage female, scroll on my phone. Their conversation drifts into a topic I’ve heard a lot online lately.

Mom: “…and that’s why women say they’d rather take their chances with the bear.”

Aunt: “Exactly. The bear isn’t going to stalk you home from the trailhead.”

Dad, who’s been in the kitchen, pokes his head around the corner.

Dad: “What’s this about a bear?”

Mom: “It’s a way of saying that sometimes, women feel safer around a dangerous wild animal than a strange man.”

Dad: “What?! Why? A bear is a wild, dangerous animal!”

Aunt: “Yes, but a bear is an animal you can run from, and you know what’s going through its mind. If a woman meets a man in the woods, yeah, he could be a decent guy, but you don’t know that.”

Dad: “But… he’s not a bear!”

Mom: “Honey, you’re not getting it. What it’s saying is that the worst of men are capable of things way worse than what a bear is capable of.”

Dad: *Frowning.* “That’s ridiculous. Not all men are like that.”

He said it! He said the thing! I see my chance.

Me: “Cool. Then I should be fine going on that weekend trip with my all-guy friend group, right?”

Dad: *Frowning again.* “What, that camping trip you told me about?”

Me: “Yup! I’d be sharing a tent with Charles. You met him.”

Dad: “I’m not comfortable with that.”

Me: “Why not?”

Dad: “I… I remember when I was a teenager. Teenage boys are not to be trusted!”

Me: “But dad… not all men!”

Dad: “That’s… different! I wasn’t like that! Also, Charles is huge! I don’t like him!”

Mom: “You know what, honey. I’m cool with it. Have fun on the trip?”

Dad: “Are you serious?!”

Mom: “Not all men are like your friends when you were a teenager, right?”

Dad: “But we don’t know these boys!”

Every woman in the room, me, Mom, and my Aunt, at the same time, shouts:

Us: “EXACTLY!”

My dad goes quiet and storms out.

Aunt: *To my mom.* “Are you serious about letting [My Name] go on that trip?”

Mom: “Oh, please! Charles may be huge and hairy, but he’s gayer than a glitter sale at Michael’s.” *Arts and crafts store.* “I’d trust [My Name] with him more than a literal bear!”

Me: “In fact, in gay circles, Charles is called a bear.”

Mom: “See?! She’s still choosing the bear!”

The camping trip was fun. Dad is still stewing over it.

I’m stocking the frozen food section when I notice a small group of tween girls setting up their phones on the floor and positioning themselves between the pizza rolls and the frozen waffles. One starts scrolling on her phone while the others practice a little routine.

Me: “Nuh uh. I’m shutting this down.” 

Tween #1: “What? We’re just making a TikTok!”

Me: “This is a grocery store, not a dance studio. You can’t block the aisle, and filming in here isn’t allowed.”

They groan and roll their eyes.

Tween #2: “Ugh, you’re such a buzzkill!” 

Tween #3: “Yeah, [Store] will never be relevant without people like us.”

Me: “Are you being serious? Did you just say ‘relevant’?!”

Tween #3: “…yeah.”

Me: “We sell groceries, sweetheart. We don’t need to be trending because the need to eat will always be trending, get that? Anyway, if being ‘relevant’ means having tweens come by the frozen section to do a synchronized dance, then we want to be irrelevant, thank you very much.”

They huff and start gathering their stuff. As they’re heading off, one turns back.

Tween #1: “I thought the customer was always right.” 

Me: “Did you actually intend to buy anything? Because if not, you’re not customers, you’re just loiterers in leggings.” 

Silence. 

Me: “That’s what I thought…”

They left the store, probably to go and moan to their many followers about the mean old lady in the grocery store.

Related:
The World Still Tick-Tocks While You TikTok, Part 2
The World Still Tick-Tocks While You TikTok

A nervous teenager, maybe sixteen, walks into our store holding a physical résumé. He approaches the service desk, looking miserable.

Teen: “Um… hi. I was wondering if I could speak to a manager and give them my résumé?”

I glance over from where I’m helping a customer. My coworker gives the kid a kind smile.

Coworker: “Aw, thanks, but actually we only accept applications online now. It’s all done through our website. Would you like the link?”

The kid nods, clearly deflating. He takes the link from my coworker and heads back out the automatic doors.

The next day, the teen is back. Same résumé. Same awkward line.

Teen: “Hi… I was wondering if I could speak to the manager and give them my résumé?”

This time it’s me behind the counter.

Me: “Hey, no worries, but yeah, we don’t take paper résumés anymore. You’ll want to apply online.”

He forces a smile, nods again, and walks back out. Within minutes, he’s back again, stuttering out a request to speak to the manager. He clearly does not want to. 

At this point, I can’t help myself.

Me: “Hey, buddy. You’ve been in a few times now. Can I ask, why the paper résumé? We really can’t accept them.”

He hesitates, then blurts out:

Teen: “My grandpa is outside. He won’t let me get back in the car until I hand it to the manager and shake their hand.”

I glance out the big front window. Sure enough, there’s an old man sitting in a beat-up pickup truck, arms crossed and watching like a hawk.

I sigh.

Me: “Hang on.”

I walk around the counter and wave the kid to follow me. Together, we step outside into the heat, where Grandpa is still glaring through the windshield. I give him a polite wave and approach the driver’s side.

Me: “Hi, sir. Just wanted to let you know that we really appreciate your grandson’s effort, but the hiring process is online now. It’s not that we don’t value in-person stuff, it’s just company policy.”

Grandpa: “Company policy, huh? Maybe for the average lazy kid, but walking in and making the manager notice you is how I got every job I ever had.”

Me: “Sir, I really have to be frank, but what you’re making your son do is definitely going to get him noticed but for all the wrong reasons. He needs to apply online like everyone else.”

Teen: “See, Grandpa, I told you.”

Grandpa: *Fuming.* “You need to toughen up. Stop letting people walk over you. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, or don’t bother coming home!”

Before either of us can reply, he throws the truck in gear and drives off. The teen stands there, staring at the dust trail in the parking lot.

Me: “You okay?”

Teen: *Quietly.* “He… took my phone. Can I use the store phone to call my mom?”

Back inside, he calls his mom from the customer service desk and sits awkwardly nearby, hugging his backpack and trying not to look too stressed. I hand him a water bottle from the employee fridge. 

About ten minutes later, our store manager strolls by. He’s just gotten off a conference call and sees the teen waiting.

Manager: “Hey, who’s this?”

Me: “Long story. Kid’s tried to hand in a résumé three times in a row. His grandpa won’t let him come home unless he does it the old-fashioned way.”

My manager walks over to the kid and offers his hand.

Manager: “Well, I’m [Name], the store manager. You got that résumé?”

The teen fumbles it out of his bag and hands it over.

Manager: “You ever work a register before?”

Teen: “No, sir. But I’m good with computers, and I learn fast.”

Manager: “How about you come in for training Saturday morning?”

The teen blinks.

Teen: “Wait, really?”

Manager: *Smirking.* “You clearly want it. That’s more than I can say for half the people I interview.”

The teen sits back down, stunned. I hand him another water and sit next to him.

Teen: *Grinning, and a lot more relaxed.* “D*** it. Grandpa’s method actually worked.”

Me: “Yeah. But don’t ever tell him that!”

About a month ago there was more theft than normal going on in the makeup store I work at, and it’s because of the fact that it was winter break. Unfortunately, when the teenagers in my area get a bit of free time, they feel it’s appropriate to use it to come into our store and steal from us. We were finding wrapper after wrapper, box after box stuffed under aisles and in displays. It was really annoying because it reflects really poorly on the hours we get.

Anyways, towards the end of Christmas break, we started to slow down, people had bought all their presents and spent their gift cards, so there wasn’t much going on. Except for on the night in question.

My manager, my two coworkers, and I were the only employees there. We were only an hour from closing, and there were maybe two or three customers meandering around the store. I was replacing all the trash bags while my coworkers were cleaning up the register area. At my store, it’s sort of an unspoken rule that we make a point of greeting every single person who comes through the front doors.

So, when a group of three teenage girls came through, both my coworkers greeted them. They did what all the teenagers who come in to steal do: they don’t acknowledge the greeters in hopes of coming off unapproachable, but my coworkers are seasoned retailers, so they immediately got on the walkie-talkies and alerted me to keep an eye out.

Coworker #1: “Hey [My Name], [Coworker #2] and I just said hi to those girls, and they were acting a little weird. You might wanna stay in that area and keep an eye on them.”

Me: “I will, I’ll leave the trash over in the corner and I’ll pick it up later.”

I didn’t want the girls to feel like I was following them just in case we were wrong, and they really just didn’t want to be talked to, so I stood in the aisle on the left side of the aisle they were in. I had a direct view of them, but they would have had to come stand at the very end to see me.

At first, they were just having a bit of fun, spraying our hand sanitizer testers at each other and opening the sugar scrubs to smell them. Nothing I really care about. But then the sound of a crinkling wrapper made me lean in closer to look at what was going on.

I noticed that the girl ripping the packet open was also holding a Starbucks cup, one of the white ones with a flat lid for hot drinks. I watched as she took the hand sanitizer out of its packaging and removed the lid from her drink. I watched her put the hand sanitizer in the drink cup and replace the lid. I knew I was going to have to tell my manager.

Me: *Over the walkie.* “Does [Manager] have a walkie on? Because I just watched one of these girls steal a hand sanitizer.”

Manager: “Yeah, I do. Where are they?”

Me: “They’re in the bath aisles. I think they’re gonna head up to the front soon.”

Unfortunately, that wasn’t entirely correct. The girls rounded the corner of the next aisle. The one that housed all our hairbrushes. A different girl, one with one of those lounge fly bags, unzipped it and put one of our Harry Potter themed hairbrushes in her bag. It didn’t even zip all the way. She tried to zip it up hard, but the end of the handle stuck out, only slightly. They promptly abandoned that aisle and started making their way to the front of the store.

Me: “[Manager], they’re coming up right now. They put something in that drink cup, and there’s something in the backpack too.”

Now, we’re not allowed to accuse people of stealing. We can get into trouble if we’re incorrect, and we’re definitely not allowed to hold them back from leaving. I wasn’t sure what my manager could do, but I wanted her to be aware.

They made it up to the door when my manager stopped them, asking something she asks everyone who leaves our store empty-handed.

Manager: “Was there something we could help you guys find today?”

Girl #1: “No, you guys don’t have what we want.”

Manager: “Oh, okay, well, is there any way I can get back the stuff you took from us, so I don’t have to trespass you from the store?”

Girl #2: “Are you accusing us of stealing? We didn’t take anything.”

Manager: “I’m not accusing you, I can see one of my hairbrushes sticking out of your friend’s bag.”

The girls all just sort of looked at each other, not sure what to do. Eventually, the girl with the backpack ripped the hairbrush out of it and handed it to my manager. They started to walk past her to the door when my manager stopped them again.

Manager: “Can you please give me whatever you put in that cup? Then you can go.”

The girl with the cup huffed and rolled her eyes. Nevertheless, she opened it and took out the hand sanitizer that was now covered in what looked to be hot chocolate or maybe really sugary coffee. She put it in my manager’s hand.

Manager: “If you guys come back with your parents, I’m gonna have a talk with them because this is really ridiculous, girls.”

They all left really quickly, and we got to go about our business for the rest of the night. Could have been worse! But we never really get the stuff back that people steal from us, so I wanted to share!