Back in the late 1980s, my (young teen) boys were visiting their grandparents for a few days. One afternoon, the boys came home from the pool a little early, before my folks got home from work. They couldn’t remember where the spare key was hidden, but they knew the backdoor was usually unlocked, so they climbed the backyard fence and got in.

Unfortunately, a neighbor who didn’t know the boys saw this and called the cops. The cops, happily, just sensibly knocked on the door and asked the boys their side of the story.

[Son] knew just what to do to prove he was house legal. He led the cops into my dad’s study and fired up the shiny IBM PC, and then he accessed a favorite BulletinBoardSystem site.

Son: “See, I know the password. I couldn’t know it if Grandpa didn’t tell it to me.”

The cops decided this was acceptable. Either that or they looked at the walls PAPERED with family photos and saw these same boyish faces in at least a couple dozen frames.

My younger sister told me this story many years ago when we were in high school, but it has stuck with me due to how dumb it was.

[Sister], fourteen at the time, was waiting in line at the canteen for lunch behind two older-looking girls. The girls were discussing the distance between locations in Australia.

My younger sister was only half paying attention when she overheard this gem.

Older Girl #1: “Which do you think is further away, Perth or the Moon?”

Older Girl #2: “Well, you can’t see Perth from here, but you can see the Moon… so wouldn’t the Moon be closer?” 

Older Girl #1: “Oh, yeah, that makes sense.”

My sister was a shy teenager and didn’t interject into the conversation and honestly was too stunned to say anything, anyway.

When I was about to start college, I placed an advertisement searching for anyone who had a room available to rent. I received a warm and friendly email to the tune of, “We’re a small family, kids are in their teens so they won’t be much of a nuisance, the room is really large, we’d love to meet you if you can come by this weekend, etc.”

The email was signed, “[Dad], [Mom], [Teen #1], [Teen #2], and Nala.”

I thought, “Well, that’s odd. Maybe the parents were huge ‘Lion King’ enthusiasts? Who knows? Just keep the wisecracks to yourself; she’s probably heard enough already.”

When I arrived for the scheduled meetup, I was met at the door by the mother and led into the living room where I met the rest of the clan.

Dad: “Hi, I’m [Dad]!”

Teen #1: “[Teen #1]. Nice to meet you!” *Shakes hands*

Teen #2: “[Teen #2].” *Shakes hands*

And I looked over at a third teenage girl sitting off to the side and smiling warmly. 

Me: “And you must be Nala!” *Waving*

She raised her eyebrow in confusion while the dad snickered. She opened her mouth to say something, but the other two teens cut in:

Teen #1 & Teen #2: “Yeah! That’s Nala! Nala, say hello!”

Wearing a “This isn’t funny” expression on her face, she said:

Teen #3: “Nice to meet you!”

We had a great time becoming acquainted with each other and I readily agreed to move in.

The first few months weren’t very remarkable, but I noted that “Nala” didn’t actually live there. She was a niece/cousin and was there practically every day. I also noticed that whenever I’d say, “Hi, Nala,” she’d give me an annoyed look and start to say something, but one of the teens would always cut in and say, “Hey, Nala! Do you know when—” and start a conversation.

It was after about four months when I was finally let in on the joke: “Nala” wasn’t her name. “Nala” was the mom’s pet cat that I had never paid any attention to. 

Embarrassingly enough, as the joke got around, the poor girl couldn’t shake that nickname off for the rest of the time she was in high school.

Our store deals in trading card games. A couple of teenage boys come in and hand a Pokémon card to me.

Teenage Boy #1: “We want to sell this Crystal Charizard Holo Skyridge card!”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Teenage Boy #2: “Huh, how come?”

Me: “That is a card that’s worth thousands. Yours is a fake that you printed out and cut out at home.”

Teenage Boy #2: *To the other boy* “See?! I told you this wouldn’t work!”

Teenage Boy #1: “Can you tell us how you knew?”

Me: “Why? So you can try again?”

Teenage Boy #1: “Uh…”

Me: “What the h***, why not? First, like I said, this is obviously printed at home, and badly. The resolution is terrible, did you get this from a thumbnail?”

Teenage Boy #1: “Well… I—”

Me: “Also, this is supposed to be a holographic card, but your home printer can’t print the shine. It’s just a weird grey.”

Teenage Boy #1: “Okay, but—”

Me: “Also, I can see the watermark from the website you got the image from.”

Teenage Boy #1: “Yeah, the site was asking for money to print without the watermark. Wait. If we paid to get the better-quality image, would it work?”

Obviously, it wouldn’t, but I am having fun.

Me: “Sure, try it out. Good luck!”

I sent the teenagers off to go waste some money on a scam that would never work.

I’m in line for security at the airport. It’s shortly after domestic flights restarted from the health crisis lockdowns, so the airport is very quiet compared to pre-crisis levels. They still have the traditional “rope maze” set up before security, but the line doesn’t stretch very long.

When I’m about twentieth in line, with about the same number of people behind me, I watch two college-aged kids duck under the rope at the closest corner to the security entrance — not the very front of the line, but pretty close. Several people in front of me berate the kids, but of course, they ignore the complaints. The TSA agents monitoring the line, however, do take notice.

Both kids get pulled aside by TSA for “extra screening”. After I pass through security, I find a seat near the terminal entrance and watch to see how long it takes the kids to finally make it through.

By my watch, they don’t get through security until half an hour after I made it through — nearly an hour after they so blatantly cut the line.

Serves them right for being so entitled that they thought they could get away with such a blatant cut, especially when the airport was so quiet.