I am eating at a drive-in diner with a name shared by blue hedgehog. They have a walk-up counter for those not in cars. I’m sitting by my car, eating my food, when I see a boy of around twelve or thirteen approach the woman working there, who looks to be late teens or early twenties.

Employee: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Boy: “Your phone number.”

Employee: “Why, do you need a babysitter?”

I was suddenly made aware of the group the boy was with, as they screamed a series of “ooooohs!” and “burn!” from where they were standing a few feet back.

The boy slunk back to his friends, and the employee took the next customer’s order as if it were nothing.

I’m a seventeen-year-old guy, working the concessions counter in a movie theater. I also had to sell tickets because we didn’t have a box office worker scheduled.

We had a special running that day, where you could get two tickets, two small drinks, and a medium popcorn for a discounted price (it was a surprisingly good deal for a theater). 

Two girls come in, probably around fifteen to sixteen, and order their tickets together. I offer them the special.

Customer #1: “What’s that?”

Me: “You get two small sodas, a medium popcorn, and your tickets for [low amount of dollars].”

Customer #1: “Oh, no thanks.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, we don’t… need that from you.”

Me: “Alright, here are your tickets. Would you like any concessions?”

They proceeded to order a medium popcorn and two small sodas.

Me: “So… that’s basically the deal I just tried to sell you.”

Customer #1: “Wait, that was real?”

Customer #2: “Oh! We thought you were like… hitting on us or something.”

Me: “How would my offering you a special deal be me hitting on you?”

Customer #2: “I mean, look at us. Guys like you are giving girls like us discounts all the time.”

Customer #1: “So, we’ll take that deal?”

Me: “Sorry, you already got your tickets. It only counts when tickets are purchased together with the concessions. It’s a shame, girls like you miss out on this deal all the time.”

They don’t, but it was nice to get that jab in. They wanted to speak to a manager, but since we were so understaffed that afternoon, they wouldn’t have been able to speak to him before their movie started, so they dropped it and went to see their movie.

Back when I was entering the terrible teenage years, my mom and I were having a long, yelling fight about picking up after myself. She slammed a drawer, but as soon as it went in, it bounced right back out, sending forks and knives everywhere, causing a small cut on her little finger.

Mom: “SON OF A B****!”

Me: “Yes, mother?”

I ran into my room giggling while her sudden increase in heart rate sent blood flying through the room like a squirt gun. I was soooo grounded, but it was soooo worth it.

When I was thirteen, there was a whole day when I was in extreme pain in my stomach area. My folks were starting to worry about me, so they took me to the ER. They ran some tests and the whole lot. They ended up giving me some muscle relaxers since I was very tense.

Completely out of my control shortly after, I let out the biggest fart and felt perfect. Everyone got a big laugh about it, and I got to feel awkward as I fart in front of everyone and then just say:

Me: “Okay, I feel better now.”

My parents now refer to the incident as the $500 fart.

I’m working at an excursions desk on a large cruise ship. A family (parents, two teen daughters) approaches and asks about a boating tour.

Mother: “So, if I go on this tour, will I see the dolphins with my eyes?”

Teen Daughter: “No, mom, you’ll see them with your a**hole. What else are you going to see them with?!”

Me: *Trying not to laugh.* “Yes, ma’am, you’ll see the dolphins with your real eyes.”

Mother: *Pointing to me but talking to her daughter.* “See! She knew I meant my real eyes and not… You know… other eyes!”

They booked the tour. They enjoyed it very much with their eyes.