(A customer is looking at a laptop. I approach to help.)

Me: “That’s a really great computer.”

Customer: “I don’t need a computer. I need wireless Internet.”

Me: “All right, how much range do you need cover?”

Customer: *dead serious* “From here to Santa Monica.”

(Note: This is about a distance of ten miles.)

Me: “All right, let’s start over. This time I’ll be the one from the future.”

(Two customers have come in to rent some sound equipment that they need to DJ a party. I’ve given them all the basic equipment they need for the sound system.)

Me: “Is there anything else you need with your rental?”

Customer: “Yeah, we need something to make it sound better… like lights!”

Me: “…”

Me: “Can I get your domain name please?”

Customer: “something@yahoo.com”

Me: “That’s actually an email address. What I’m looking for is something similar to www.website.com.”

Customer: “www.something@yahoo.com.”

Me: *sigh* “Can I get your name?”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Well I need one of those things that go in back of my phone. What’s it called?”

Me: “I’m not sure what it is, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh yeah, I remember what it is. A stem cell…”

Me: “A what?!”

Customer: “You know, a stem cell so I can make calls… the little card thing…”

(She was thinking of a SIM card; I died laughing when she left!)

(This is where I entered the conversation.)

Lady Customer: “Yes, I have at home a ‘widows’ computer. Will the software work on a ‘widows’ computer?”