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He Uses The Google

, , , | Right | October 27, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support] Services. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I am an old man who does not understand anything about computers. Something is wrong… Can you help me step by step?”

Me: “Yes, I can. First off, I need to know some things about your computer…”

(After about five minutes he hands the phone to his son who is a self-proclaimed computer software technician.)

Son: “Hey, this is [Son]. I know about computers so you can speak all the Internet jargon you want.”

Me: “All right. First off, what web browser are you using?”

Customer’s son: “Well, I am on Google, so Internet Explorer.”

Me: “Sir…?”

Customer: “Yeah, since I am on Google, I’m obviously using Internet Explorer.”

Me: “Can I speak with your father, sir?”

So That’s What Those Other Buttons Are For

, , , , , | Right | October 22, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help?”

Caller: “Is there a Kristie there?”

Me: “We have a Kristie, but is she an older woman or younger woman?”

Caller: “Older. She’s like a manager.”

Me: “Oh… Well, then you need to call the Newport Beach store. She’s at that one.”

Caller: “Oh! Okay, what’s their number?”

Me: *gives number*

Caller: “Okay… Can you transfer me?”

Me: “Um… no, we don’t do that. We’re not a call center.”

Caller: “Okay, so how do I call them?”

Me: “…you dial the number I just gave you.”

Caller: “But how do I do that?”

Me: “You dial 1, then the numbers I gave you.”

Caller: “Is that it?”

Me: “Can I ask how you dialed this store?”

Caller: “I dialed 411!”

Me: “Have you been 411-ing your entire life with the phone?”

Caller: “Of course. How else do you dial other people?!”

Me: “Uhh… Well then, you’re all set. Thanks and have a good day.”

The Magical Mocha Phone

, , , | Right | October 21, 2008

(I used to repair phones for an office.)

Customer: “My phone is broken.”

Me: “Can you please describe the problem?”

Customer: “It’s broken.”

Me: “In what way?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Do you have a dial tone? Can you not dial a specific number?”

Customer: “Nothing happens. It’s broken.”

Me: “Where is your desk?”

Customer: “Second floor, cube [number].”

(Upon arriving, I find the phone with no lights, no dial tone, no anything. On a hunch, I ask…)

Me: “Did you spill coffee in it?”

Customer: “No!”

(I grab the phone, tilt it and coffee pours out.)

Me: “Huh.” *glares at customer*

Customer: “I DIDN’T spill coffee in it!”

Me: “Riiight.”

So Much For Being Patriotic

, , , , , | Right | October 20, 2008

Customer: “I’m looking for a clock radio.”

Me: “Certainly. Our clock radios are over on these shelves here. Is there any particular style or brand you’re looking for?”

Customer: “This one looks all right. It’s made here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I believe that one is manufactured in China.”

Customer: “S***, you’re kidding! Well, what about this one?”

Me: “That’s also a [Brand #1], ma’am; that’s also made in China.”

Customer: “S***, I DON’T WANT ANY BLOODY CHINESE S***. SHOW ME ONE THAT ISN’T CHINESE!”

Me: “Well, this particular model over here is a [Brand #2], with all of the same functions.”

Customer: “Not from China?”

Me: “No, this one’s made in Japan.”

Customer: “S***, I TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT ANY F****** CHINESE GARBAGE! *points to first radio* “Just give me that one there.”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, that one is made in China, and the last one wasn’t…”

Customer: “DO YOU THINK I GIVE A S***?!”

Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I’ve just done a sales pitch for Internet service.)

Customer: “Oh, honey, I’m 73. I wouldn’t know what to do with the Internet. I can hardly run the computer my daughter gave me.”

Me: “Well, I’ll be honest. I’m 24 and I do struggle with them from time to time.”

Customer: “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be your age, what with all the bad things happening in the world today.”

Me: “I don’t know; I’m pretty optimistic most of the time. I think we’ll be okay.”

Customer: “You’ve never been married, have you?”