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Quantity Does Not Equal Quality

, , , , | Right | March 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, could you send me one of your free connection CDs?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I pull up her account and see that she’s already ordered 50 copies.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? It seems you’ve already requested several CDs. Is there a reason you need another?”

Customer: “Well, yes! I used up the other CDs already.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can re-use the CDs. Have you been throwing them away?”

Customer: “No. I put them into the little slot and they just slide in, and the computer keeps them. I thought it was like a bus ticket!”

(I recommended that she go to a local repair shop. They, in turn, removed almost 100 CDs from the inside of her case.)

Deceptive Desserts

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.”

Me: “Oh, sure. What’s the matter?”

Customer: “I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!”

Me: “Um, ma’am. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.”

Customer: “Prove it! Show me this cake.”

Me: *points*

Customer: “Oh. In that case, you should write a letter to the internet about how they’re making up rumors about your products.”

Me: “I’ll… I’ll do that. Thank you.”

Just Wait Until They Discover Palindromes

, , | Right | March 12, 2009

Me: “Okay, we now need to log into your modem. It should ask for login details.”

Customer: “What are they?”

Me: “Admin and admin are the username and password.”

Customer: “Are the passwords in that order?”

Me: “Umm. Sure, go for it.”

Customer: “Okay. I’d hate to have gotten them mixed up!”

From Zero to Stupid In 10 Seconds

, , , | Right | March 12, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I just bought this machine. I hooked it up as per the manual and it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Did you plug it in?”

Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot.”

Me: “Did you turn off the surge-master?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Double-checked all the wires?”

Customer: “For God’s sake, YES! It was fairly simple; it’s all color-coded. You’d have to be a moron to make a mistake.”

Me: “Okay… why don’t you tell me what you did?”

Customer: “I unpacked it, plugged all the wires in, and then plugged it into my outlet.”

Me: “Then?”

Customer: “Then I put the accelerator on the floor and stepped on it.”

Me: “Ma’am… there is no accelerator on your computer.”

Customer: “Yes, there is! It’s that thing that has two buttons on either side, and that little wheel on the bottom!”

(In case it wasn’t obvious, she had stepped on the mouse.)

Soggy Software

, , , | Right | March 9, 2009

(This call came in shortly after Hurricane Katrina.)

Customer: “My computer isn’t working.”

Me: “It’s not working, or your service isn’t working?”

Customer: “My computer itself will not turn on.”

Me: “Well, since it’s not a service-related problem, I can’t really help you with fixing it. When was the last time it worked?”

Customer: “Well, we had to evacuate for a few days, and then we came back to clean up. I fished the computer out of the swimming pool and let it dry out, then got it hooked back up.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not gonna work.”


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