Infested With Callers

| Greenville, SC, USA | Right | April 17, 2017

(I’m making outbound phone calls to customers whose issues couldn’t be resolved in the first phone call to our company, when I find this one. The notes read as follows:)

Note: “Customer is calling to check the status of his repair. Service center has determined the device is heavily infested with cockroaches and is refusing service due to the infestation. Customer wants to know how to clean the device out so that the service center will repair it. Call customer back and advise.”

(Included with the notes were graphic pictures from the service center of the open electronic device full of cockroach carcasses and general funk. Dreading the call I asked my supervisor what I could suggest to him if anything. She suggested that he could insert the business end of a canister of canned air into one side of the unit and try to blow the bodies out of the other. As I was gagging at the thought of roach bits becoming airborne, I call the customer back.)

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m calling from [Company] regarding your device…”

Customer: “Are you going to tell me how to clean it out? I need my s*** fixed! Hold on, I’m on the phone with another f***er from your company. Let me hang up on this f***er.”

(Fortunately for me, he accidentally hung up on me in the process and I didn’t have to call him back because he already had someone else on the line.)

Brings New Meaning To Internet Packets

| Gateshead, England, UK | Right | October 13, 2015

(The customer has recently bought a laptop, and just opened it out of the box.)

Me: “So what exactly is your issue today?”

Customer: “There is something missing from the box.”

Me: “What exactly is in the box, sir?”

Customer: “Well, the laptop charger, battery, and the laptop itself is in there; however, there is no Internet from what I can see.”

Me: “There is no Internet in the box?”

Customer: “Yes, I was told it can connect to the Internet as soon as I get it.”

Me: “Do you have a router you can connect to?”

Customer: “What’s a router?”

Me: “Sir, you’re going to need to speak to an ISP in order to connect to the Internet.”

Customer: “This laptop is a waste of money; it should come with Internet.”

(Customer hangs up.)

Wi-Fly Away

, | Roermond, The Netherlands | Right | June 16, 2015

(I work as technical support for an Internet service provider in Belgium. Most of the calls are about wifi not working properly. It is known with us that the wireless range of our modems isn’t exactly great.)

Me: “Good morning, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m [Customer] and I’m having problems with my wifi connection.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that you have problems with your wifi connection. Do you see your network in the list of network connections on your computer?”

Customer: “Yes, I do see it, but it says I cannot connect because it’s not within range.”

Me: *fearing the worst, that she’s two floors away and the connection is too weak* “Okay… How far are your physically away from the modem?”

Customer: *long pause* “…I think I’m about 150km away.”

Me: “… uh… Miss, you do know the wifi technology is limited to about 10-15m max?”

Customer: “Oh…” *long pause* *click*

Thank You For Calling An Actual Human Being

, | USA | Working | December 4, 2014

Employee: *sounding exhausted* “Thank you for calling [Company] tech support. My name is [Employee]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Good morning. You sound like you’ve had a long shift.”

Employee: “No, I just got on. I just got back into weight lifting. I’m 37 and I acted like I was 24, so I’m feeling the hurt.”

(He was able to help me with my problem, and we’re just wrapping up the call.)

Employee: “Thank you very much for your advice. I’ll try to pep up my voice a bit.”

(It was a strange and pleasant experience to have a phone rep that would break script and relate to their customers like an actual human being.)

Taking Account Of The Nice Attitude

| FL, USA | Right | July 22, 2013

(I have some problems with my cell phone bill being charged almost double what it is supposed to be.)

Me: “Okay, my account number is [number], and it says I’ve paid everything off!”

Customer Service #1: “Uh, no ma’am. That account was closed.”

Me: “What? When!”

Customer Service #1: “On the 13th. It says right here. Now, you owe $300 for account number [different number]. Honestly, you can see this all online.”

Me: “Um, no I can’t. I can see the info for account number [first number], but I don’t have an account with [second number].”

Customer Service #1: “Oh, you can’t see it? Let me transfer you to someone that can help with the website.”

Me: “What? No! Don’t transfer me!”

(She transfers me before I finish talking. At this point I am extremely annoyed. When the next person comes on the line, I am more than a little rude.)

Me: “Okay, here is what is going on…”

(I explain the whole long process.)

Me: “Now, why is there a different account number there, than what I have?”

Customer Service #2: “Okay, I see here that you put in a transfer of ownership, yes?”

Me: “Yes, it was my brother’s, and now it’s mine.”

Customer Service #2: “See, that’s why. Since you transferred it to your name, we had to cancel the old account and create a new one. The contracts transferred as is.”

Me: “Oh, that makes sense. I wish someone had told me that would happen, though. But why is it so high?”

Customer Service #2: “Let me see, huh. With your plan and discount, it should only come out to be about half of what you’re being charged. That is weird. Oh, here it is. For some reason it charged you for last month as well, but you paid that off on the other account, right? It shows a zero balance to me.”

Me: “Yes, I paid off last month, and that month was higher because I got a new phone.”

Customer Service #2: “Let me talk to my supervisor, and see if we can fix this issue for you.”

(I am put on hold for a few minutes.)

Customer Service #2: “Good news! My supervisor okay-ed me to remove the excess charges. Your new total comes out be $200. The reason it’s still a little high is because of the transfer of ownership fee, and your late fees for not paying on time.”

Me: “Thanks, but is there anyway you can remove the late fees? I’ve always used the automatic payments, and didn’t know I’d have to link to a new account.”

Customer Service #2: “Okay, since you were not notified you would have to make payments to this new account, and it shows here you have never been late with your payment before, I can waive those too.”

Me: “Oh, my God. Thank you so much.”

Customer Service #2: *a little surprised* “Uh, no problem, ma’am. I’m here to help.”

Me: “No, seriously, I know I was very rude and short with you before, and you’ve been nothing but patient with me.”

Customer Service #2: “Uh, you are very welcome, ma’am. Um, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “I think that’s everything, but thanks again so much for helping me out.”

Customer Service #2: “You’re welcome, and have a nice day.”

(I think she forgot to disconnect the call at the right time, because I hear this right after:)

Customer Service #2: “Hey! The lady I just got apologized for being rude to me earlier, and thanked me for helping her!”

Customer Service #2’s Colleague: “Really? That’s never happened to me!”

Customer Service #2: “I know right?”

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