It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2

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Me: “Thank you for calling *****. What is the issue you’re calling about?”

Customer: “I can’t get wi-fi on my phone!!!”

Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?”

Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.”

Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?”

Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your internet to enable wi-fi.”

Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!”

Me: *sigh*

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

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Bang Head Here

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Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help?”

Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. Can you tell me?”

Me: “Well… can you explain what’s wrong?”

Customer: “Your job is to tell me what’s wrong.”

Me: “Yes, but unless you help me I can’t tell you what is wrong.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you guess what’s wrong?”

(I have decided a this point whatever is wrong will be something stupid.)

Me: “Okay, maybe you can’t turn your computer on because it hasn’t got any power.”

Customer: *angrily* “DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?”

(Suddenly, the customer calms down.)

Customer: “Sorry, you were wrong. It’s plugged in and the light is green. Can you guess what’s wrong? It’s still black on the screen.”

Me: “Well, is your screen on?”

Customer: “Yes, I just said it was. It’s just black!”

Me: “Right click.”

Customer: “Hey, it worked… oh, it was a screensaver. Couldn’t you have guessed it was that at the start?”

Me: *thud thud thud*

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: “Guess.”

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One Gets You High Speed, The Other Just Gets You High

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Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

Coworker: “Uh?”

Customer: “You know, that high speed internet thing…”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”

Insert Sex Euphemism Here

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(I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.)

Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.”

Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this porn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.”

Me: “…”

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Tech Support, How I Miss Thee

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(Preface: One of our business’ locations lost power. I first spent an hour on the phone…)

Me: “Your power went out? Did you shut down the computers or did they shut down on their own?”

Them: “They just shut down, and now they won’t come up!”

Me: “So you have power now? Are your TVs and radios playing?”

Them: “Yes!”

Me: “What I want you to do is go to the computer and find the power cord.”

Them: “Okay, got it.”

Me: “Trace it to the battery backup. You will find it plugged into the back of it.”

Them: “Okay, found it.”

Me: “Plug it into a receptacle other than the battery backup. Plug it into the wall receptacle.”

Them: “Okay, done.”

Me: “Now try to power the computer up.”

Them: “Nothing.”

Me: “Okay, there may have been a breaker that tripped. Do you know your way around your fusebox?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Go look at it and see if anything is tripped. If so, reset it, okay?”

Them: “Okay, hold on…”

(After a few moments…)

Them: “Nothing’s tripped and I got customers needing to make payments!”

Me: “Okay, I will be there in a couple of hours.”

(After a two hour trip, I arrive with a new computer in my backseat. The first thing I look at is the APC backup power supply. The problem? The computer was still plugged into the backup, but even better: they plugged the backup power supply into itself. Two hour trip, one minute solution.)

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