Like A Spin Cycle, Round And Round

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Me: “Hello, welcome to PC support. How may I help?”

Customer: “Hello, I just bought this washing machine.”

Me: “Alright. You’ll have to call customer service. This is PC support. Call back on the same number you just dialed, select 2 in the first menu and then 3 in the second menu to get to customer service.”

Customer: “Okay, transfer me to customer service.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not able to do that. You will have to call back on the same number and select 2 in the first menu, 3 in the second.”

Customer: “Can you give me the number to customer service?”

Me: “It’s the same number you just called. Press 2 and then 3 in the menus.”

Customer: “What happens if I press 2 now?”

Me: “Well, I will get a beep in my ear and I dont like that. Please hang up and call back on the same number before pressing any keys.”

Customer: “Hrmf!” *hangs up*

(20 seconds later…)

Me: “Hello, welcome to PC support. How may I help?”

Customer: “Hello, I just bought this washing machine.”

Me: *sigh*

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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3

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Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to get on the Internet.”

Me: “Alright, are you interested in dialup or DSL?”

Customer: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re speaking Greek to me!”

Related:
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

Because “Free” Is One Letter Away From “Fee”

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Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I help you?”

Customer: “How do you fix Debian?”

Me: “Depends on what the problem is. What are some of the issues you’re having?”

Customer: “I paid $700 for it! It should work PERFECTLY!”

Me: “Ma’am, Debian is free. If you paid $700 for it, all that means is that you’re an idiot.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yep. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *click*

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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2

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Me: “Thank you for calling *****. What is the issue you’re calling about?”

Customer: “I can’t get wi-fi on my phone!!!”

Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?”

Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.”

Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?”

Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your internet to enable wi-fi.”

Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!”

Me: *sigh*

Related:
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

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Bang Head Here

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Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help?”

Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with my computer. Can you tell me?”

Me: “Well… can you explain what’s wrong?”

Customer: “Your job is to tell me what’s wrong.”

Me: “Yes, but unless you help me I can’t tell you what is wrong.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you guess what’s wrong?”

(I have decided a this point whatever is wrong will be something stupid.)

Me: “Okay, maybe you can’t turn your computer on because it hasn’t got any power.”

Customer: *angrily* “DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?”

(Suddenly, the customer calms down.)

Customer: “Sorry, you were wrong. It’s plugged in and the light is green. Can you guess what’s wrong? It’s still black on the screen.”

Me: “Well, is your screen on?”

Customer: “Yes, I just said it was. It’s just black!”

Me: “Right click.”

Customer: “Hey, it worked… oh, it was a screensaver. Couldn’t you have guessed it was that at the start?”

Me: *thud thud thud*

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: “Guess.”

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