Me: “Thank you for contacting technical support. How can I help you?”
Customer: *whispering* “Can you shut my internet off for four hours?”
Me: “I could disable the port, but may I ask why?”
Customer: *whispering* “My son has been locked in his room since last night and he won’t come out or talk to me. He hasn’t eaten breakfast yet and it’s 3 pm.”
Me: “I suppose I could, however, you will need to call us to re-enable your connection.”
Customer: “Thank you! I don’t know what he’s doing in there on the computer. It’s been like this since we got your internet.”
Me: “Your connection has been disabled. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”
Customer: “No, thank you. I hope he comes out soon!”
Caller: “I have a question about my account.”
Me: “I’d be happy to help! What email address do you use to log in?”
Caller: “It’s rogue@[email host].com.”
Me: “Sorry sir, I can’t seem to find that email in the system. To confirm, let me spell out the full address: r-o-g-u-e@[email host].com?”
Caller: “No, it’s *****r-o-u-g-e!”
Me: “Oh, “rouge” like the makeup. The word “rogue” is spelled r-o-g-u-e.”
Caller: “That’s not how “rogue” is spelled! I can’t believe how stupid your customer service is!”
Me: “If you want to be sure, you can check a dictionary for the correct spelling.”
Caller: “Fine, I will! I’m going to search dictionary.com right now!”
(A minute passes as he searches.)
Caller: “F***! I’ve been using this email for years! I can’t believe my guild members never pointed this out to me!” *hangs up*
(I’m working with a caller on a bug they’ve found on our website.)
Me: "Okay, I need to know what Internet browser you’re working on. Internet Explorer? Firefox?"
Caller: "I’m using Firefox."
Me: "Great, now do you know what version of Firefox you’re using?"
Caller: "Yes, I’m using version 12" *note: the highest version of Firefox is currently 3.6*
Me: *jokingly* "Firefox 12? That must mean you’re from the future! Wow! What’s the new Firefox like? In my time, we only have version 3.6."
Caller: "It’s pretty nice, I guess."
Me: *still jokingly* "Do you have hover-cars yet?"
Me: "Sorry, that was a joke. What I want you to do is email me a screen capture of the bug you’re experiencing, as well as of the specific version of Firefox you’re using. I can give you instructions on how to do so."
(30 minutes later I receive an email with the screen captures. Turns out she was using Internet Explorer 7.)