File>Open>Yard, Highlight Grass, Ctrl-X

| Louisville, KY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, this is Meagan. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Come mow my lawn!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “I said come mow my lawn!”

Me: “I’m sorry, this is tech support. Are you having trouble with your cable TV or internet?”

Customer: “I know who this is! I want you to mow my lawn! In the rain! I pay y’all enough every month, so you better come mow it!” *click*

Me: “…”

Is That An Ethernet Cable In Your Pocket…

| Israel | Uncategorized

(Talking to a female customer…)

Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?”

Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.”

Glad To Be Of Service

| Netherlands | Uncategorized

(Via Live Messenger Service.)

CLIENT: I want DDR3 memory

ME: I don’t think you should get DDR3 memory yet because the price doesn’t warrant the slight increase in speed yet, and it is bottlenecked by your CPU

CLIENT: But it is fast!

ME: Yes but your CPU is not fast enough and by the time CPUs with a proper so-called FSB are on the mainstream market DDR3 will be much cheaper

CLIENT: But it is fast!

ME: indeed sir, it is, but you won’t notice the different with DDR2 in your setup

CLIENT: BUT IT IS FAST!

ME: quick, read this:

http://notalwaysright.com/stupidity-is-the-mother…

CLIENT: lol what an idiot

ME: yes, well that’s how much sense you are making to me right now

Good, Because Ms. BSOD Gets Really Cranky

| Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

Tech Support: “What software are you using to backup?

Customer: “Ms. Dos.”

(The customer spoke like it was a person, like Mr. Dos or Mrs. Dos.)

Tech Support: “What, are you just copying the files with the xcopy or copy command?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I use Ms. Backup for that!”

It’s Gonna Be A Looong Day

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “What kind of computer do you have?”

Customer: “It’s a Motorola.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “I said, it’s Motorola!”

Me: “Okay…are you running Windows?”

Customer: “NO, it’s Vista.”

Me: *long pause* “Oooh-kaaayyy…….”