Attempting Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation

| USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I plugged a mouse into my computer, and it died. Now I can’t get it out.”

(We review for a few minutes and I deduce that he has plugged a mouse into his USB port, but it’s stuck inside and won’t work.)

Me: “Okay, so grab the cord and try to pull on that.”

Customer: “You mean the tail? That’s already in the port.”

Me: “Well, the cord shouldn’t be. You’re supposed to plug in the other end.”

Customer: “You mean the head? I don’t think it would fit.”

(Suddenly realizing what the customer has done.)

Me: “Did you plug in a live mouse to your computer?”

Customer: “Yes, I believe I said that.”

(I put customer on hold for several minutes. When I recover I realize I don’t know what to tell the customer I call my supervisor who instructs the customer to bring the laptop into a repair shop. I get the customer back on and tell him this information.)

Customer: “But Mickey’s gone for good now, right?”

In Need Of A Better Outlook

| Riverside, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m having issues with my Outlook.”

Me: “Show me the problem you’re having so I can see if I can fix it for you.”

(She has six passwords each over twenty characters long, Bios password, Windows password, Zone Alarm Password, Outlook Password, etc…)

Me: “You don’t need to have your passwords that long for security’s sake.”

Customer: “I read on the internet that sniffers give up if the password is too long.”

Me: “I’m happy you did your research, but you don’t have to have it longer then 15 characters long.”

Customer: “Well I’m afraid if someone steals my laptop, the programs that can recover passwords can’t detect past twenty letters.”

Me: “That’s true, but no one really does that anymore. In this business we have customers coming in all the time to have us remove the password for them because they forgot it. For instance, I can get into your laptop in less then 2 – 3 minutes without your help.”

Customer: “No way. I’ve made precautions.”

Me: “I will be more then happy to show you that I can. But I would have to charge you a half hour fee and you would have to sign the work order giving me permission to.”

Customer: “And if you can’t? ”

Me: “Then I will be more then happy to refund you the money and you would have won this war.”

(Customer then pays the fee and signs the work order.)

Me: “Give me a moment.”

(A minute later.)

Me: “Here you go, I’m logged in to your Outlook.”

Customer: “Oh my God! How did you do that?”

Me: “If your really worried about someone stealing your laptop, you shouldn’t have laminated your passwords to the laptop.”

An Open And Shut Case

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, [Tech Support]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I just got your wireless internet thingy, but I’m not sure I like it.”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Caller: “Oh, nothing’s wrong with it. It’s much faster than my old internet; but do I always have to open my windows? I hate opening up the windows.”

Me: “What computer do you have?”

Caller: “I have a Mac.”

Me: “Then how do you–”

Caller: “Oh! No. Not that computer windows thing! I don’t have that! I mean my actual windows around my house!”

Me: “You’re… opening up you’re windows around your house?”

Caller: “Yes! And it’s really chilly today!”

Me: “Ma’am, I hate to interrupt, but why is this relevant to your internet problem?”

Caller: “Well, it’s wireless! It comes through the air, right? How else am I going to get it if the windows are closed?”