Acting Rashly Can Leave You Pooped

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

(I’m work as a technical support agent for a satellite TV company. I get a call where I hear a baby screaming in the background.)

Me: “Thank you for calling Technical Support. How are you doing this evening?”

Customer: “Hello? Yes? I need to speak to someone in the technical department.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, this is the technical department, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m babysitting for a woman, and she has a one year old. I’ve never actually babysat a baby before, and I can’t figure out how to get the diaper off so I can change him! These things have some sort of electronic lock or something on them right so the baby can’t take them off?”

Me: “Ma’am, this is customer support for satellite television, not a child care line.”

Customer: “But you are a technical guy right?! You should be able to help me out! Is there somewhere I can put a code in or something? Come on!”

Me: “Ma’am, again I apologize, but this is a technical support line for satellite television. I really can’t help you.”

Customer: “Please, I’m begging you! I want to get paid for this job! if I don’t change his diaper and he gets a rash or something, I’m going to be in big trouble!”

Me: “Have you tried peeling back the two little tapes on the front of the diaper?”

(I hear the customer pause for a second, and then I hear the tell tale ripping noise of the diaper tapes being peeled away.)

Customer: “Wow! You’re a genius! It came right off! Did you press a little button or something on your end?”

In CyberSpace, No One Can Hear You Scream

| Oshawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [internet company], you have reached [name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “The internet isn’t working again!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, how long has it not been working?”

Customer: “Since all the weird lights last night!”

Me: “Oh okay, well what are the lights on the modem doming now?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know, its covered in tinfoil!”

Me: “Ma’am that a terrible fire hazard! You need to unwrap that now!”

Customer: “Absolutely not! Its the only way to keep the aliens out! I would rather burn the house down than allow them into my computer!”

Me: “I’m sorry…aliens?”

Customer: “Yes, aliens! And those weird lights outside, I told you! That’s why it’s not working!”

(I hear her handling aluminum foil and a dog barking in the background.)

Customer: “So are you going to get me a new modem or not?”

Me: “Certainly, just a moment.”

Customer: “That’s what I thought! Now hurry up! I need to go rewrap the dog!”

Tangled Web

| The Netherlands | Technology, Uncategorized

(I used to work at a call center that sells PC remote control software.)

Me: “Good evening, you’re speaking with [name], from [company], would you be interested in our software?”

(I explain what the software is about, it’s monthly fee and what its requirements are, which is basically internet.)

Caller: “Yes, I’ll take one for two years.”

Me: “So you’ve got all the requirements, even internet?”

Caller: “I’ve got internet, I just take the cable out of the phone and stick it in my computer, right?”

Me: “Sir, do you have some kind of modem or router?”

Caller: “No, but I’ve got my phone cable. That’s how internet gets in, right?”

Me: “Sir, since the program is not going to work unless you have internet, I’m not going to sell you a two year prescription.”

Caller: “But I want it!”