Problem Is Too Stupid To Recognize It Exists

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Caller: “Hi, I want to use my roommate’s computer but it’s not working.”

Me: “Could you describe the problem?”

Caller: “Well, there’s a sign next to it that says ‘In case of error, PEBCAK.’ Could you explain it?”

Me: *tries not to laugh* “It’s short for ‘Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard’.”

Caller: “Oh! I get it! Hold on…”

(I hear a loud cracking sound and some faint swearing.)

Caller: “It’s still not working!”

Me: “Er… what did you do?”

Caller: “I took away the wooden bit under the keyboard… now it’s right over the chair!”

(I actually head-desked after that.)

And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam, Part 2

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Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, may I have your university user name?”

Caller: “What’s a user’s name?”

Me: “Oh… well, how are you affiliated with [university]?

Caller: “It’s what came up on my screen.”

Me: “Okay… well, I’m sorry, but this help desk is only for students, staff, and faculty of our university.”

Caller: “But the page said to call!”

Me: “Yes. If you’re in any way affiliated with us we’d be happy to help you, but this service is for students, staff, and faculty.

Caller: “But it didn’t say that, it just said to call!”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but you can’t just call any number on the internet and expect support!”

Caller: “Well, why not?!” *hangs up*

And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam…

Tech Support, Tier 666

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(Sometimes I get very bored at work and decide to have fun with customers.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “My computer isn’t working at all. It seems that something is wrong with it.”

Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do…”

(I place my hands on the computer and in my best imitation of a televangelist.)


Customer: “Oh my God, really? Are you serious?! Thank you!”

Me: “No, no I’m not.”

Customer: *completely baffled*

Me: “I hate my life.”

From Bad To Worse

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(I work in email and chat tech support, so one day, an email comes in.)

“Hello Miss Sir,

Please send me new one. ¬†My wife’s has defected.



“Dear Boris,

Thanks for contacting us. ¬†If your wife’s mp3 player is defective, we will be happy to replace it. ¬†Please respond with more details on the problem. ¬†If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us.”



“Hello Miss,

Yes, send new one. My wife’s has defecated.”

Chairlike People And Other Objects, Beware

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Me: “Thank you for calling *** Support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Okay, well, you know how the laptop computers look like chairs?”

Me: “I guess I can kinda see how you could possibly think that…”

Customer: “Well, I sat on it, and now it’s broken.”

Me: “Unfortunately, any sort of warranty will not cover accidental damage on the computer.”

Customer: “It wasn’t accidental.”

Me: “If you sat on it, then it is considered accidental damage.”

Customer: “It’s NOT accidental damage! You think somebody just sits on their computer by accident?!”

Me: “Okay… so the computer is damaged, right?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “So, what would you like me to do for you?”

Customer: “I want you to fix my computer! It’s broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but any personal damage done to the computer is not covered under warranty. I can possibly send it in to be fixed, but there will be a charge.”

Customer: “It’s not personal damage! I sat on it!”

Me: “If you sat on the computer, than you damaged it personally, and it is not covered under warranty.”

Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!”

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