Lieutenant Dan’s Fruit Company

| Vejle, Denmark | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “It won’t stop loading! I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes and it hasn’t stopped loading yet! Help me!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Let’s start by refreshing the page.”

Caller: “Re… what?”

Me: “Refreshing, ma’am.”

Caller: “How do I do so?”

Me: “Which kind if computer do you have?”

Caller: “Why?”

Me: “Which button you have to push depends on your computer. Is it a normal PC or an Apple?”

Caller, to husband: “Honey, she’s rambling! Now she thinks we’re selling apples! How stupid does she think I am!?” *click*

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 5

| Louisiana, USA | Uncategorized

(I work as a tech support agent at a university. I receive a call from a woman working in another office, asking if she can direct a student to me to assist with setting up his email account. A minute later, I receive a call from a young man.)

Me: “[University] Computing Call Center.”

Caller: “Hi, I’m trying to get my password.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Did someone just call me about you?”

Caller, to people in his office: “Did somebody just call about me?”

Caller, to me: “Yes.”

Me: “Alright, sir, in order to determine your username and password, you’ll need to be in front of a computer. Are you at a computer now?”

Caller, to people in his office: “Am I at a computer?”

Related:
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

What She Needs Is A Skynet

| Flagstaff, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello, I have a problem. My computer doesn’t do anything.”

Me: “You mean that it doesn’t turn on?”

Customer: “It turns on just fine, but then it doesn’t do anything after that.

Me: “So you mean that after turning on, you simply get a blank creen?”

Customer: “No, it shows the manufacturer’s logo for a moment, then it says ‘loading’.”

Me: “And it just gets stuck there, then?”

Customer: “No. After that there’s a picture of a green field and a blue sky.”

Me: “Well, that’s the default desktop. That all sounds right.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t do anything! I’ve left it for hours and hours and nothing will happen once it gets there!”

Me: “So even if you click on an icon or a button or try to move the mouse, there’s no response? Could you try to be a little more specific about the problem?”

Customer: “Mouse? Icons? Why would I try to click on anything?! My friend told me this thing could do my taxes and my homework but it just sits there all day and doesn’t do anything!”