Won’t Miss This Misogynist

| BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(The customer calls in because he has no signal on his TV. After verifying simple things, such as ‘is the cable box turned on,’ the customer randomly turns nasty.)

Me: “Okay, sir, can you just press input on your remote for me?”

Caller: “I’M NOT A DUMMY!”

Me: “Nobody assumed that, sir. I just need you to press input so we can get to video.”

Caller: “NO, WHO ARE YOU TALKING TOO?! THIS IS A JOKE! WHAT DO I DO?”

Me: “Sir, press input and then we sel—”

Caller: “NO! F*** YOU! YOU PUT ME ON TO A MAN RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE S**T!”

Me: “I can’t transfer you back to the queue and that’s exceptionally sexist.”

Caller: “WELL, I AM F****** SEXIST! NOW PUT ME ONTO A MAN, YOU DIRTY S**T.  I’M NO F****** DUMMY!”

Me: “Your wife must be a very lucky woman and I don’t have to take this abuse; I am terminating this call.”

You’re Only Cursing Yourself

| USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(One of the few good policies is that we can hang up, with no warning, on customers if they start cursing at us.)

Technical Support Representative #1: “[Company] tech support. What may I help you with?”

Caller: “Your [bleeping] piece of [bleep] is not [bleeping] working.”

Technical Support Representative #1: “Sir, if you don’t stop cursing and tell me what the issue is…”

Caller: “[Bleep] you, just fix the [bleep]ing piece of [bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #1: *click*

Technical Support Representative #2: *same thing*

Technical Support Representative #3: *same thing*

(By now we are sharing the customer number and start answering:)

Technical Support Representative #6: “If you curse, we hang up…”

Caller: “[Bleep].”

Technical Support Representative #6: *click*

(A few more rounds of this and he finally gets to me.)

Me: “Shut up and listen. We are here to help you. You curse, I hang up. Now tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you. Your call, curse or help?”

Caller: *in a rather meek voice* “Okay, but I’m a bit frustrated.”

Me: “Don’t worry; I’ll walk you through it.”

(He cursed once in the conversation, paused and apologized. It took only ten minutes and was a really a simple fix.)

Instruction Deconstruction

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work tech support for a large corporation that services 50,000+ employees. It is not uncommon, when there are new upgrades or software, for our users to receive instructions on how to perform the installs themselves. We usually got a good number of calls from people who don’t read the instructions and just call into the help desk.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] corporate help desk. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got the email that I’m supposed to install [newest upgrade] and need some help with it.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Did you get the instructions?”

Customer: “Yes, I have it right in front of me.”

Me: “Okay, at what point are you having the issues.”

Customer: “I scrolled to the bottom to get your number and called in.”

Me: “Okay, let me get my copy of the instructions opened up and we’ll see if we can get this done.”

(I open the PDF file and bring up my instructions.)

Me: “Okay, now what does it say for step #1.”

Customer: *reads instructions to me for step #1*

Me: “Okay, do that. Now what does it say for step #2.”

Customer: *reads instructions to me for step #2*

Me: “Okay, do that.”

Customer: “Wait a minute, are you just going to have me read the instructions and do it step by step?”

Me: “Yes, that’s exactly what we are going to do. My instructions are no different than yours.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not much help. I could do that by myself!” *click*

The Power (Button) To Make A Difference

| Canton, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a call center supporting multiple ISP’s, when a very flustered, middle aged woman calls in.)

Me: “Hi, and thank you for calling [ISP].”

Customer: “My Internet is broken! I was on my computer and now all I see is a big yellow triangle, and I can’t even move my mouse!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, have you tried restarting the computer?”

Customer: *starting to get angry* “How am I supposed to do that?! I told you, I can’t move my mouse!”

Me: *trying very hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice* “By holding the power button.”

Customer: *very sincerely* “Oh… you can do that?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, my god, it worked! You’re a genius! I am having a party this weekend. Come have a beer with us!”

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 19

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My company issues computers to all of its field employees. I work in the corporate office, troubleshooting various issues. All users have one of several model laptops and all have the same operating system.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] IT support. How may I help you?”

User: “Yes, I can’t get my emails. The Internet just says it can’t display the webpage.”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s see what we can do about that. Are you connected to the Internet?”

User: “How would I know?”

(I walk her through finding the list of connections next to the date and time.)

User: “It says no connections.”

Me: “Oh, okay, well, we need to get on one before the Internet will work. Do you have service bars showing on your broadband card to connect there?”

User: “No, I live in the country and can’t get a signal.”

Me: “Okay, do you have home wifi?”

User: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you connect to that?”

User: “I don’t know; what is my home wifi?”

Me: “It’ll show up on that list of possible connections.”

User: “There are [names off the three networks showing]. Which one is mine?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am… You or your Internet provider would have set it up.”

(She manages to find it written down on some papers nearby.)

User: “Okay, it wants a password. What’s my password?”

Me: “Ma’am, that is something you set up with your Internet provider. You don’t have it written down?”

User: “No, can you reset it for me?”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 18
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 17
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 16

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