It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4

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(I was helping a customer sign into their email.)

Me: “Okay, I need you to type ‘A’ as in ‘Apple’.”

Customer: “Now, don’t get all technical on me!”

Related:
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

Up and Running

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(I work at an incoming call center for a well known adult website. Most of our calls deal with technical problems or issues with logging-in to the sites. Most of them, anyway….)

Caller: “Good afternoon, sir. I’m having some issues here.”

Me: “That’s what we’re here for! What can I do to help?”

Caller: “Well, I’m sitting here looking at all these beautiful women and, well, I just can’t seem to get an erection.”

Me: “Sir…that is NOT something that I can help you with!”

While You’re At It, Do My Taxes Too

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(It’s May 5th, and I’m remotely connected to a customer’s computer helping her with a billing issue.)

Customer: “What race are you?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, I’m only asking because it’s Cinco De Mayo, and I’m Mexican. Well, I have Mexican blood.”

Me: “Oh.”

Customer: ¬†”I need to go drink margaritas now. Could you just stay in my computer and do my billing for me? I’ll come back in the morning and print the bills out.”

Me: “…”

Perhaps She Should Talk To General Protection Fault

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Customer: “I am calling to let you know that you are running an illegal operation.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “That’s right! My computer says so right on the screen!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a Microsoft error message that says, ‘Your program has performed an illegal operation’.”

Customer: “There is nothing wrong with my computer! I have a 15 inch neck!” *hangs up*

(I assume the customer was referring to her monitor… a 15 inch NEC.)

Related:
Lieutenant BSOD, Reporting For Duty

Customer Of The Week: Non-Native Speaker

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Customer Of The Week: Non-Native Speaker
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He Uses The Google

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