Methinks His Digital Mistress Was Sabotaged

| Uncategorized

Customer: “My husband spilled a milkshake on his laptop’s keyboard.”

Me: “Okay, well it appears that you have our accidental service plan, so let’s get you squared away and get this laptop fixed.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s great! when will it be back?”

Me: “Two to four weeks.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s not good.”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “Do you give loaners?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid we do not.”

Customer: “Great! You mean he wont be able to watch his porn then?!”

Me: *blank look*

Marital Bliss In All Its Forms, Part 3

| Top

(A husband and wife couple have me on speakerphone so that they can get help troubleshooting. I’m typing up some notes while their PC reboots, which they can apparently hear…)

Customer: “Wow, that sounds like a machine gun. ‘That your typing, sweetheart?”

Me: *laughs* “Yeah, it is… I can type pretty fast.”

Customer: “You married at all?”

Me: “Nope, not yet. Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Doesn’t surprise me love, with fingers that fast you don’t need a man!”

Me: *mouth agape*

(Suddenly, I hear a smacking noise followed by the man cursing.)

Customer’s wife: “Ignore Ron… he’s a pig, dear. He’s lucky he’s married himself. I’m sure you’re lovely.”

Customer: “Isn’t it time a house fell on you, my darling wife?”

Me: *mouth still agape*

Related:
Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2
Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

The Magical World of Duhs-ney

| Uncategorized

Me: *on the phone* “Help Desk, can I help you?

Customer: “I can’t log in to my computer.”

Me: “No problem, sir – let me reset it for you.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Me: “Ok, sir – go ahead and type ‘welcome’ as your default password. When you hit ‘OK’ you will be asked to create a new password.”

Customer: “Are their any requirements for the password?”

Me: “The only requirement is that the password has to be at least 6 characters in length – numbers, letters or both.”

(Two minutes pass and I still hear a lot of typing over the phone. I’d assumed he’d logged in and starting working, forgetting I was on the phone.)

Me: “Is everything all right? Were you able to get your password reset?”

Customer: “No! Its not all right! Why is it that every time I call you guys there’s a problem?! You have to make everything so difficult!”

Me: “I am sorry for that sir…what happens after you try to create your new password?”

Customer: “What do you think?! It tells me to try again! It will not take!”

Me: “Well, go ahead and try entering something different.”

Customer: “You know, you people are ridiculous! How many characters do you think I can remember?! I’m not five years old any more! All I remember is Pluto, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck!”

Me: *facepalm*

Your Forecast For Today: Dark

| Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling **** technical support, this is ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen – ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal’ – how do I fix this?”

Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?”

Customer: “It’s raining and windy.”

Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?”

Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!”

The Final Step Is Acceptance

| Uncategorized

(I work as a phone support technician for a large software company. Once a month one of our mentors listen to our calls, to ensure that we follow protocol. I was being listened to one day a few weeks ago.)

Me: “Welcome to Tech Support, you’re talking to ****”

Customer: “Hi, my name is ****, and I work at **** bank. You’ve really gotta help me! I’ve got this message on my computer, and I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Okay, if you could start by reading the message to me, I’ll see what we can do.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…it says: ‘Your computer has been automatically adjusted for daylight savings time.’ What do I do?!”

Me: “Er…is there a button that says ‘OK’?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you tell me what happens when you click the ‘OK’ button?”

Customer: “Oh, thank you very much! You’re a life saver! Thank you, thank you; now I can finally get these reports done!” *hangs up*

Me: “…you’re welcome?”

Mentor: *after listening in* “You know what the scary part is? That is my contact at the bank… the same person I entrust my life savings to.”

Page 78/100First...7677787980...Last