The Magical World of Duhs-ney

| Uncategorized

Me: *on the phone* “Help Desk, can I help you?

Customer: “I can’t log in to my computer.”

Me: “No problem, sir – let me reset it for you.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Me: “Ok, sir – go ahead and type ‘welcome’ as your default password. When you hit ‘OK’ you will be asked to create a new password.”

Customer: “Are their any requirements for the password?”

Me: “The only requirement is that the password has to be at least 6 characters in length – numbers, letters or both.”

(Two minutes pass and I still hear a lot of typing over the phone. I’d assumed he’d logged in and starting working, forgetting I was on the phone.)

Me: “Is everything all right? Were you able to get your password reset?”

Customer: “No! Its not all right! Why is it that every time I call you guys there’s a problem?! You have to make everything so difficult!”

Me: “I am sorry for that sir…what happens after you try to create your new password?”

Customer: “What do you think?! It tells me to try again! It will not take!”

Me: “Well, go ahead and try entering something different.”

Customer: “You know, you people are ridiculous! How many characters do you think I can remember?! I’m not five years old any more! All I remember is Pluto, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck!”

Me: *facepalm*

Your Forecast For Today: Dark

| Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling **** technical support, this is ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I have this error stuck on my TV screen – ‘Acquiring Satellite Signal’ – how do I fix this?”

Me: “I show from your account info that your area is undergoing a hurricane. Are you having bad weather now?”

Customer: “It’s raining and windy.”

Me: “Well, the rain and cloud cover are going to block your signal until the storm passes. The weather reports show that this is a major storm; have you considered evacuating for your own safety?”

Customer: *angrily* “How do I know if I need to evacuate when the TV only shows me this ERROR?!”

The Final Step Is Acceptance

| Uncategorized

(I work as a phone support technician for a large software company. Once a month one of our mentors listen to our calls, to ensure that we follow protocol. I was being listened to one day a few weeks ago.)

Me: “Welcome to Tech Support, you’re talking to ****”

Customer: “Hi, my name is ****, and I work at **** bank. You’ve really gotta help me! I’ve got this message on my computer, and I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Okay, if you could start by reading the message to me, I’ll see what we can do.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…it says: ‘Your computer has been automatically adjusted for daylight savings time.’ What do I do?!”

Me: “Er…is there a button that says ‘OK’?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you tell me what happens when you click the ‘OK’ button?”

Customer: “Oh, thank you very much! You’re a life saver! Thank you, thank you; now I can finally get these reports done!” *hangs up*

Me: “…you’re welcome?”

Mentor: *after listening in* “You know what the scary part is? That is my contact at the bank… the same person I entrust my life savings to.”

Shoot First, Ask Questions Later

| Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I am seeing ‘Searching For Satellite Signal’ on all of my receivers.”

Me: “Well, usually that is caused by the dish being a little bit out of alignment. Could you go outside and tell me if the dish appears to be moved, or if there’s anything different about it at all?”

Customer: “There are holes everywhere in the dish.”

Me: “Holes?”

Customer: “Yeah, there were a bunch of birds on the dish last night so I shot them off.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, this would be considered abuse and it will cost you $80 to get a technician over there to replace the dish.”

Customer: “Why? It’s your equipment. I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Me: “Sir, you shot the dish. You ruined it. In all actuality, that dish is yours to keep. If you ever leave us you get to keep the dish, and you also get to keep the dish you shot.”

Customer: “Well, I’m still right!”

Me: “Well, you still have to pay the $80.”

Customer: “What would I use that old dish for anyway? Why can’t you take it?”

Me: “We do not retrieve old dishes due to policy. I hear you could use it as a nice sled, though.”

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4

, | Uncategorized

(I was helping a customer sign into their email.)

Me: “Okay, I need you to type ‘A’ as in ‘Apple’.”

Customer: “Now, don’t get all technical on me!”

It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

Page 78/100First...7677787980...Last