N For Knucklehead

| Texas, USA | Right | January 13, 2012

(I work with IT issues over the phone. Sometimes, it’s hard to hear the customers clearly.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, and on your username, was that N as in Nancy?”

Customer: “No, N like knife.”

Me: *jokingly* “So, N like pneumonia?”

Customer: *exasperated* “Yes! I said N as in knife! Jeeze, can you turn up your volume or something?”

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Threaten Differently

| USA | Right | January 4, 2012

(A customer is calling because iTunes can’t detect her new iPad. I pick up the phone and she speaks immediately.)

Customer: “I swear that if, at any point in this conversation, you tell me to buy a Mac, I will find you and kill you.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m not telling you to buy a Mac, but you should know that they cut back on compatibility issues and-”

Customer: “Don’t do it. Just stop now. Make the PC work. I believe in you.”

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Takes One To Call One

| Manhattan, NY, USA | Right | December 21, 2011

(I am taking calls on Thanksgiving day.)

Customer: “Wow! A real person!”

Me: “Yes, sir! We’re staffed 24/7/365!”

Customer: “They make you guys work holidays. That’s terrible! Why would they do that?”

Me: *smiling to myself* “In case someone calls in for help.”

Customer: “What kind of work-a-holic would call in on a holiday?”

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May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away, Part 3

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Right | December 17, 2011

(A customer brings in a phone that is still covered in the snow she just dropped it in.)

Me: “I am sorry, but we do not service liquid damaged phones.”

Customer: “How is that liquid damaged?”

Me: “Well, you brought it in covered in snow.”

Customer: “Snow is not water.”

Me: “It’s frozen water. See how the counter is getting wet?”

Customer: “Well, now it is! You need to replace my phone since you let it get wet!”


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Via The Aloha Landbridge, Of Course

| Texas, USA | Right | December 15, 2011

(I receive a call from a customer who lives in the continental United States.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [shipping company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to make a ground shipment and the website won’t let me!”

(This company disables ground shipping if your account is late. I check the customer’s account and it is current.)

Me: “When did this start?”

Customer: “Do you think it could have anything with the shipment going to Hawaii?”

Me: “That’s probably it…”

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