There’s Always Time To Complain

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(I overheard my coworker take this call…)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling **** tech support, how can I help you?”

Caller: “I don’t have time to get into it right now! It’s not working, I’ll call back later!”

Coworker: “Okay… thank you for calling!”

Related:
I Just Called To Say I Hate You

It Burns When I Download

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Caller: “I’m having trouble downloading pictures in your program. ¬†My camera doesn’t appear in the list.”

(I ask him some questions and determine that his camera is not compatible with our software.)

Me: “I’m sorry, it looks as though you’ll have to download your pictures using the software that came with your camera. ¬†What program do you normally use?”

Caller: “Chlamydia.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Caller: “I usually download my pictures in Chlamydia.”

Me: *stifling laugh* “Go into your start menu and read me the name of the program very carefully.”

Caller: “Ok, it says cam-ee-dee-uh.”

Me: “Oh, Camedia…”

(I keep it together and manage to wrap up the call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling *** technical support. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Caller: “Nope, I’ll just dowload my pictures in Chlamydia then. Thanks!” *click*

Methinks His Digital Mistress Was Sabotaged

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Customer: “My husband spilled a milkshake on his laptop’s keyboard.”

Me: “Okay, well it appears that you have our accidental service plan, so let’s get you squared away and get this laptop fixed.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s great! when will it be back?”

Me: “Two to four weeks.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s not good.”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “Do you give loaners?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid we do not.”

Customer: “Great! You mean he wont be able to watch his porn then?!”

Me: *blank look*

Marital Bliss In All Its Forms, Part 3

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(A husband and wife couple have me on speakerphone so that they can get help troubleshooting. I’m typing up some notes while their PC reboots, which they can apparently hear…)

Customer: “Wow, that sounds like a machine gun. ‘That your typing, sweetheart?”

Me: *laughs* “Yeah, it is… I can type pretty fast.”

Customer: “You married at all?”

Me: “Nope, not yet. Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Doesn’t surprise me love, with fingers that fast you don’t need a man!”

Me: *mouth agape*

(Suddenly, I hear a smacking noise followed by the man cursing.)

Customer’s wife: “Ignore Ron… he’s a pig, dear. He’s lucky he’s married himself. I’m sure you’re lovely.”

Customer: “Isn’t it time a house fell on you, my darling wife?”

Me: *mouth still agape*

Related:
Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2
Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

The Magical World of Duhs-ney

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Me: *on the phone* “Help Desk, can I help you?

Customer: “I can’t log in to my computer.”

Me: “No problem, sir – let me reset it for you.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Me: “Ok, sir – go ahead and type ‘welcome’ as your default password. When you hit ‘OK’ you will be asked to create a new password.”

Customer: “Are their any requirements for the password?”

Me: “The only requirement is that the password has to be at least 6 characters in length – numbers, letters or both.”

(Two minutes pass and I still hear a lot of typing over the phone. I’d assumed he’d logged in and starting working, forgetting I was on the phone.)

Me: “Is everything all right? Were you able to get your password reset?”

Customer: “No! Its not all right! Why is it that every time I call you guys there’s a problem?! You have to make everything so difficult!”

Me: “I am sorry for that sir…what happens after you try to create your new password?”

Customer: “What do you think?! It tells me to try again! It will not take!”

Me: “Well, go ahead and try entering something different.”

Customer: “You know, you people are ridiculous! How many characters do you think I can remember?! I’m not five years old any more! All I remember is Pluto, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck!”

Me: *facepalm*

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