Bridging The Cultural Gap, One Angry Customer At A Time

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Me: Hello, my name is ****. How may I assist you today?

Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to watch the baseball game, but it’s in Spanish. I don’t speak Spanish.”

Me: “OK sir, have you tried to remove the SAP function on the TV? If you don’t know how, I can walk–”

Customer: “Listen, I have had you people tell me this over and over again! I want a valid reason the game is in Spanish, and none of this ‘SAP’ junk.”

Me: *gives up* “Well sir, the real reason is many of the players are not from America. How are they supposed to know what’s going on if the game is broadcast in English?

Customer: “Thank you! At least one person there knows what’s going on. Have a nice day.”

Me: “…”

Someone Needs To Get Ctrl-Alt-Deleted

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(A customer calls in having trouble logging into her email.)

Me: “Okay, let’s try typing the password into a text program like Notepad or Word. Then, we can copy and paste it into the password box.”

Caller: “Copy and paste?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s just a quick–”

Caller: “COPY AND PASTE? What the h***?! I have a secretary so that I don’t have to learn copy and f***ing paste!”

Me: “If you calm down, it’s really very easy.”

Caller: *hangs up phone*

Driven By Fear, Threats & Minimum Wage

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Me: “Thank you for calling customer support.”

Customer: “Hi. I need some help figuring out this thing. I’m not very familiar with electronics.” *pause* “YOU’RE A FRAUD AND I’M GOING TO THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, I don’t believe that’s necessary. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, my friend said you’d only be useful if I scared you. How do I charge my unit?”

I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me Log In

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Me: “Thanks for calling ****. This is ****, how may I help you?”

Customer: “When I try to change my password, I’m typing and it’s just making stars.”

Me: “OK…that’s normal. It’s a security feature to prevent someone standing behind you from seeing what you’re typing.”

Customer: “But there’s no one standing behind me…”

Me: “…”

Quantity Does Not Equal Quality

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Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi – could you send me one of your free connection CDs?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I pull up her account and see that she’s already ordered 50 copies.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? It seems you’ve already requested several CDs. Is there a reason you need another?”

Customer: “Well, yes! I used up the other CDs already.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can re-use the CDs. Have you been throwing them away?”

Customer: “No. I put them into the little slot and they just slide in, and the computer keeps them. I thought it was like a bus ticket!”

(I recommended that she go to a local repair shop. They in turn removed almost 100 CDs from the inside of her case.)

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