Someone Needs To Get Ctrl-Alt-Deleted

, | Uncategorized

(A customer calls in having trouble logging into her email.)

Me: “Okay, let’s try typing the password into a text program like Notepad or Word. Then, we can copy and paste it into the password box.”

Caller: “Copy and paste?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s just a quick–”

Caller: “COPY AND PASTE? What the h***?! I have a secretary so that I don’t have to learn copy and f***ing paste!”

Me: “If you calm down, it’s really very easy.”

Caller: *hangs up phone*

Driven By Fear, Threats & Minimum Wage

| Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling customer support.”

Customer: “Hi. I need some help figuring out this thing. I’m not very familiar with electronics.” *pause* “YOU’RE A FRAUD AND I’M GOING TO THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, I don’t believe that’s necessary. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, my friend said you’d only be useful if I scared you. How do I charge my unit?”

I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me Log In

| Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling ****. This is ****, how may I help you?”

Customer: “When I try to change my password, I’m typing and it’s just making stars.”

Me: “OK…that’s normal. It’s a security feature to prevent someone standing behind you from seeing what you’re typing.”

Customer: “But there’s no one standing behind me…”

Me: “…”

Quantity Does Not Equal Quality

| Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi – could you send me one of your free connection CDs?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I pull up her account and see that she’s already ordered 50 copies.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? It seems you’ve already requested several CDs. Is there a reason you need another?”

Customer: “Well, yes! I used up the other CDs already.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can re-use the CDs. Have you been throwing them away?”

Customer: “No. I put them into the little slot and they just slide in, and the computer keeps them. I thought it was like a bus ticket!”

(I recommended that she go to a local repair shop. They in turn removed almost 100 CDs from the inside of her case.)

Allergy Season Nightmare

| Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: *yelling* “IS THIS TECH SUPPORT?!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, it is. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My internets are broken and I need you to fix it now.”

Me: “OK, what’s your account number?”

Customer: “Ugh. You can’t just see it?”

Me: “No Ma’am, I have to look it up in our database.”

Customer: “S***. Fine, it’s ***.”

Me: “All right, just a moment here while I bring up the info…”

Customer: “Just hurry it up, will you?”

Me: “OK, it’s coming up now…”

Customer: *sneezes*

(About 10 seconds pass in silence. I can hear children talking in the background.)

Customer: “Excuse me…”

(I stay quiet, assuming she’s talking to the children.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

Me: “Sorry, were you speaking to me?”

Customer: “YES YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE F*** is WRONG with you people?”

Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not sure I understand…”

Customer: “I SNEEZED AND YOU DIDN’T BLESS ME! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF ATHEIST?! DON’T YOU REALIZE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T BLESS SOMEONE WHEN THEY SNEEZE?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I really don’t, but I apol–”

Customer: *interrupting* “YOU’RE A F***ING HEATHEN! I HOPE YOU BURN IN H*** FOR THIS YOU…” *continues screaming*

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize if I’ve offended. I’ve found your account information, and it looks like your service was terminated three months ago.”

Customer: “YES! THAT’S HOW LONG IT’S BEEN DOWN – WHY CAN’T YOU FIX IT?!”

Me: “Because you don’t have an account with us anymore. You were canceled because of non-payment. If you’d like, I can transfer you to billing, and–”

Customer: *unintelligible screaming then hangs up*

Page 75/100First...7374757677...Last